Thanks Gillian and Laurie,
That’s it exactly – I was making a decision that I wanted to last forever. Ugh, I so want my decisions to last forever – there is such a huge part of me that wants to get this problem over with once and for all. And I had set things up so 1) I tackled picking 2) I tackled overeating after dinner etc etc. so that I don’t move onto 2) until 1) is down.
But I am starting to recognize that this way simply doesn’t work. Very few things work this way actually. I recognize that each run I go on, I choose whether to run a certain speed, a certain distance and that contributes to long term fitness. Making a choice forever simply doesn’t work.
What I might do regarding my plans outlined above is spend a few days focused on choosing whether to pick or not, a few days focusing on not eating after one meal etc. That way when I move onto the next behavior I am not assuming that there is no choice in the previous step, if that makes sense.
No, the sulky teenager was the problem here. Kids are like addictive desire – they demand attention and hijack your brain. When they are little it is constant demands, when they are older it is by withdrawing and invoking worry and concern. I can be distracted once maybe, but once I recognize that, it becomes a rationalization. So, as with all my rationalizations, I need to be aware of them first.