Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this. I really do appreciate it and has given me much to ponder on. I certainly recognise the almost automatic compliance reaction to fleeting AD. But also like you I am not afraid of my AD I think in part because I confronted it many times when I quit drinking. And I also keep in mind a question that my husband asked me – ‘what would happen if you didn’t drink?’. My response was nothing terrible. And my experience is that AD is definitely bearable, on a scale of 1-10 with gall bladder pain being a 10, I would say it is a 2/3.
I can’t imagine myself letting go, though, of my attachment to my weight and size to the extent that you have. I can certainly see that I am attributing too much importance to the scales. And I recognise that this behaviour is driven by fear. The scales reassure me that I haven’t lost control in the same way that checking my bank account reassures me that I haven’t overspent. Are there others things I could use, yes of course, like which notch on my belt I am using, what my 5K time is like, but I am not sure why these would be better. Are there better ways to know I am in control?
Anyway, I will reflect more on your email and on ways to assess whether I am in control of eating or not.
Many thanks again.