I can understand why you would feel fear, as you experienced morbid obesity in the past Judith. So it wouldn’t be surprising for you to fear that happening again, and therefore needing to keep very tight control over your eating. Of course, as you know, that leads to a denial of choice, and therefore rebellion, so maybe thinking in terms of smoothing out the highs and lows could be a way forward.
I know I eat more on some days than others, but not in a binge/diet pattern as I used to sometimes – my binges could actually last for several days or even weeks in the past, followed by dieting, but now I eat a bit more on some days, just through a normal pattern of eating what I want and what’s available. My ‘normal eating’ friends do this, so it was something I really wanted to be able to do, and it has just happened, without me really trying. When I’m deciding whether to eat something, I think about the consequences for my health (migraines, arthritis, general fatigue, tinnitus), – it doesn’t really occur to me to think what it might do to my shape or size anymore.
Such an interesting discussion! I’m still learning!