Caroline, good to read about your baby steps. A few things to notice:
• aim to catch your prohibitive thinking, “I would not allow it…” It would be good for you to change that to, “I chose to work through my addictive desire to continue eating…” but from what you say, I’m not sure you did that but maybe avoided it by keeping busy?
• always good to notice that weighing yourself isn’t helpful
• you lock yourself in and deny free choice when you say, “today I will eat in a healthy positive way” so remember you might end up doing that and you might not, as you can only make moment-by-moment choices as you go through your day (and you’re aiming to be imperfect anyway)
• the pride you feel when you don’t overeat is an enormously valuable non-weight benefit – no need to call it stupid!
Thanks for posting this – I know will be helpful for others.