Reply To: Building trust

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Hi Elena – I love this question, and thanks for posting. You are really getting to the heart of the issue here, and I hope it’s helpful for others who read this. Here are some of my thoughts:

• You say you just pretend to be free and try to prove your lack of free choice by saying the desire is too strong. But this doesn’t follow; clearly you are free to do what this strong desire tells you to do – and that’s the point. You are free to overeat.

• One thing I know for sure is that denying the freedom to overeat makes the desire stronger. I wonder if you are going through each part of the “Working Through” technique? Do you focus on the sensations and can you describe them in a reply to this post?

• Whenever you don’t satisfy this desire, and you feel unhappy and that it’s not fair, this is a big opportunity for you to change your mindset. It’s crucial that you take a stand on those feelings, acknowledge that there’s nothing unfair here because you freely chose not to eat the chocolate on this occasion – and you can change that free choice at any time.

• It’s not possible to cut it out completely from your life because it’s not possible to make choices about this for the future. You can only make choices in the present time and hope (plan, intend) that they add up to something in time. Even thinking that you could cut it out completely will add to your sense of not having freedom of choice about this and the sense that you’re restricting yourself.

I’ll be talking more about this in the Week 4 Webinar on Sunday, and meanwhile it will help you to do the exercise at the end of Week 3, “Exploring Freedom”.

Let me know if you’ve got questions about this – and everyone is more than welcome to join in with any thread to ask or comment!