I realised after the last webinar that I have been compliant and ‘perfect’ since I started the course. So this imperfection thing was a shock to me – and like Jean says, scary. I have tried it this week, making the choice in the shop, buying food in a typical situation where I would binge. I did try to make it feel spontaneous, but after choosing to eat it, and while I was eating the addictive food, I didn’t enjoy it and didn’t feel any desire for it.
So far, so good. But then what happened? The next day I had a massive, overwhelming desire for addictive food. My addictive desire finally reared its ugly head! I really got the ‘what the hell’ feeling, along with justifications such as ‘Gillian says it’s ok not to be perfect and to eat addictively, so I will’ (I know that one’s not true!)
I have really struggled with my desire since then, and have not always made a good choice, but one thing is for sure – I know when it’s there now.