Gunici, when you say you feel like “a child struggling for autonomy” I wonder if you remember the bit in Week 3 when I point out that the activated limbic system with little or no PFC intervention is entirely child-like – because we aren’t born with functioning PFCs and don’t fully develop that part of our brain until our mid-20s.
If your eating was inappropriately controlled when you were a child, it would be helpful for you to view the process you describe here (and are currently engaged in on this course) as a sort of brain development. It would have been ideal for you to be able to do this when you were little, but at least you get to do it now. Better late than never?
I’d like to add that I think being rebellious is a wonderful quality, and I very much identify with this myself. It’s crucial for me to be able to take a stand in that sense of, “this is my body, my life, my food, and I get to do whatever I want.” (That is, what I truly want rather than always what my automatic, cue-driven addictive desire wants).
By continuing to return to that truth, you embed your “adult” self and make it more and more real.
Let me know if you have any questions.