Hi Gillian. If I start to think about if I feel like Im not free to eat those things when Im not alone, the answer is yes!
And why? Maybe because I think people judge me because Im overweight and I shouldnt be eating that caloric foods.
Yes, I think that when Im alone maybe Im released from that cell. Maybe because I feel free. Because I dont prohibe myself any food (so I eat them all)
I eat caloric things when Ive people around, is not that Im the person that eat a salad with family and friends and then alone the burguer with fries. Im the one who eats the burguer with fries with friends or family, and then I ask for dessert…. But I eat thinking I shouldnt be eating that and feeling judged by others.
Maybe I enjoy my food alone because I feel free to eat whatever I want without feeling guilt and judged by others.
But at the same time.. the worst judge I am with myself.
And to the question if is possible for me to let myself that Im free to eat whatever I want any time, any place, any quantity alone or not. The answer is I dont really know, Im not sure. And if I ask myself why?
The voice in my mind tell me “Yes you know that of course you can eat whatever and whenever you want, but you also know that you shouldnt be doing that. You cant, you HAVE TO lose 20kg. Is for health. Is for your knee. You know that is not good for your gut. Now is not only esthetic. Its real issurs. So, you love yourself so little that you don’t take care and sabotage yourself like no one else? And you keep eating… and thinking about food and what are you going to eat tomorrow or in a week that you are alone or you have a party. You shouldnt be doing that“