This is an interesting mix of the three core themes, Guadaloupe, and it will help you to see and to address each one:
Motivation: the aim is, each time you think about your weight (for any reason, aesthetic or not), to remind yourself of non-weight benefits. Maybe you’re doing this already; you don’t say. Best to think, “when I ate less of x, I felt y the next day.”
Choice: The idea that you “shouldn’t” is another version of “can’t” and “have to”; it prevents you from feeling free to choose. And bad choices are still choices available to you.
Desire: Everyone has stronger feelings of desire in certain situations. For example, maybe someone only eats anything with sugar in it when they’re at a restaurant. It’s not only that they think they’re not free to eat sugar, but the stronger association has been formed because sugar (which is the rewarding element in food) is highly rewarding, and so more enjoyable. You have been enjoying your ‘home alone’ meals (whether or not sugar is involved) because there’s no judgement from others (whether real or imagined), so there’s a stronger desire/anticipation.
Understanding and telling the truth about all of this is your first step. Accept that you will continue to look forward to these special meals. (Interesting to note that for others it’s when they eat in company that they feel less guilt, because everyone is joining in and making it seem okay!) As you take the three themes into consideration, maybe you’ll want to begin to modify these meals if there is an unwanted downside for you later on. You choose!
Let me know what you think!