I find myself indulging in my addictive desire to eat because I have used restrictions as a form of diet control for most of my life. I just don’t want to say I can have it whenever I want it, it is always available but not right now. I feel like I am lying to myself because why can’t I have it right now, when is that right now going to come if not now. Also, when eating these foods I become more desperate in wanting to eat them because I know I am going to stop and restrict again due to the physical fallout. I must restrict because I feel so awful and the only way to feel better is to abstain.