This morning I had an interesting experience with choice. (Excuse me if you will, I am really digging into focusing on week 2 because for the most part I am befuddled by it and have a zillion questions). I felt a deep desire to get a coffee drink. My desires come on like panic attacks with precision like focus that I must obtain my craving, nothing else exists in the world except this task with a reward at the end. I stopped myself and said this is an addictive desire I have a choice. Do I want to get it and feel awful at the end while enjoying the moment of consuming or do I want to say I don’t have to choose to drink it now, I can have it whenever I want it. The feeling passed, I felt a sense of relief that I did not have to indulge in the desire. About 20 minutes later it came back. I said this time I want it, I am choosing all that goes along with it. I bought it, took one sip and hated it. I threw it out. I don’t see this as a win but a moment I chose both ways to address the desire.
Why would I choose to eat foods that I know in the end cause me so much physical distress, and the truth be told I only want these foods when I have a craving for them, I never crave them when I want true nourishment. I am wondering if the panic is part my personal history of backing myself into a corner with no choice option to have these foods?