Reply To: addictive desire is everywhere

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Dear Gillian

As an NHS keyworker(surgeon) its been testing times as you know…just got some free time today and was going through the glad i did…great learning experience from these posts.

I had difficulty with my eating patterns for a long time and i feel this is the only avenue where I feel I am an underachiever/ a failure! As with my work schedule etc.. as you probably know it is difficult to stick to a proper time schedules with food times due to the unpredicatble work load. I find myself not eating properly whilst at work (I even forget about food while working).Then in the evenings, I eat non stop till bed time as i am ravenous and also have this subconscious feeling that i didnt fuel my body well during the day.

Recently, I made some conscious decision to take short breaks for breakfast and lunch at work..but the evening binges are still going on. I feel like the evening habits are so engraved in me that I feel it is so hard to break that habit.

After attending your course, i was trying to deal with my choices and addictive desires.It is a steep learning curve for me ; I must admit.

With regards to choice, i feel like i am kind of tricking my brain / dishonest with it by saying that I am choosing not to have that “food” right now.Immediately, the question arises “when are you going to have it then?” The intensity of the question is so loud that I find myself giving in to quieten it and have that “food” so impulsively.

So,I feel even if I am the chooser here(with full freedom to eat/not to eat at that particular time) i am in effect choosing not to eat and therefore being restricted.This then leads to deprivation effect and tendency to rebel. I also find that the time interval between me planning an “overeating session”(whether it be a snack/ food portion) and executing the action is too small that the PFC is not fired in time to rationalise / analyse my unwanted behaviour. How can I get my PFC activated on time? Also, I have not realised my non weight motivations (NWM) yet.I think my NWM perhaps is to have “break free ” feeling and to feel in control).

Sorry for a long winded post. Hoping to hear back from you. Thank you once again for your excellent course