Reply To: Watching my A/D

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jodi b

Wow Liz, I can so relate to your original post, and thanks for your honesty here on the forum. Thanks also for the responses, very helpful. I also binged badly last night, I also binge watched movies on Netflix, which is a common theme for me, bingeing in front of the television. It seems easier for me to binge when I am not really paying attention to what I am doing/consuming. I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning and then slept quite late. I wasn’t very hungry when I got up but made myself a healthy breakfast, while listening to Gillian’s recordings, knowing that if I don’t eat a meal and make a plan around it, then I will start all over again, or binge again tonight. I can already hear the voices in my head telling me to go to the store and get some binge food. I am very tired of this cycle. I would love Gillian’s and anyone else’s input on this next piece, if possible. I do this binge eat and watch thing, with much more frequency lately, and it is an awful scenario for myself, as I feel foggy and get HA’s and groggy after sleeping in the following day and the myriad negative results of having binged on awful food. The thing that is different lately is that my husband has been putting a lot of pressure on me to shape up and fly right and stop staying up most of the night binging on food and movies. He says he is being “ripped off” as he has a hard time sleeping, I wake him up when I finally come to bed (we don’t have a spare bed for me to sleep in or I would) and he sleeps restlessly when I don’t come to bed. He has been threatening an end to our marriage if I don’t pull it together and stop this habit. This has been really hard for me, I feel like I am being controlled even when he is sleeping! (or not). Plus it makes me feel like my addiction is affecting him even more negatively than usual and somehow it makes me rebel more against him, plus it makes me want to give up on on our marriage, on friends, on everything. Any help on this would be greatly appreciated. I also made today the auspicious day that I really start applying the things I have learned with Gillian’s course. I do this a lot, the “what the hell effect” of I’ll eat it all now and start tomorrow or on the next auspicious day. This probably isn’t the wisest thing either, a long ingrained habit.