Thanks Gillian, that’s helpful. It feels almst normal! And I notice it is similar to how my normal eating friends eat. Rather than expecting to overeat, I expect to feel an addictive desire.
I am quite careful about what I buy – for example at some point I intend to eat a croissant (very addictive to me) but instead of buying a pack of 4, I hope to choose in the shop to buy an individual one, which I can eat and enjoy, without putting a huge temptation in my way. And f I don’t like that way if doing it, I can go back to my old ways, though somehow I don’t think I will – I am enjoying my meals, and feeling more alert and energetic, much more than I ever enjoyed overeating.
Julia, I totally get what you mean about being afraid to embrace desire. It was a massive breakthrough for me when I realised I could sit with those unpleasant cravings, and if not exactly welcome them, make my peace with them. I still get intense desire sometimes, but it doesn’t control me: I can have a conversation with it, and move on.
A while ago, Julie said she had ‘never regretted not bingeing’. I find that a really useful idea to remind myself of the positive outcomes of working through desire.