I guess I say develop because originally I did start out trying to eat less to lose weight – a whole 2 lbs on the urging of a running coach – in the days when runners were deemed too fat if they had periods.
And that started a whole cycle of trying to lose weight, regaining etc etc. I’ve let go of the whole weight thing because I know it is a losing strategy for me. But even when I walked away from it by then I was disturbed by my eating – binging, overeating, picking etc etc.
So I haven’t developed reasons as you say, I’ve become more aware from them.
No control doesn’t mean rigidity or perfection. But your second comment hits disturbingly home. That’s what I think I started to realize when I was doing the exercise of trying to find reasons why. My old reasons felt weighty and a little depressing and it all came down to wanting to get them because I wanted to feel good enough.
My new reasons I have come up with are around feeling better physically and feeling a little happier in the moment – not grandiose aims as I don’t want to set myself up. I think I have to be aware that those too could easily be turned into an “am I good enough or not” question.