June 22, 2019 at 6:01 pm #3413LouiseParticipant
Hello Gillian; My question is about my ability to apply the ‘outline’ (the five steps) 100%, in every situation.
I’ve been able to work through my desire recently in certain situations when I am strongly triggered to eat: driving home after walking my dogs (I would always stop at a shop and overeat there and then, in the car), and after I have been in company – for example, after a meeting, when I get home and am alone, I have a very strong urge to overeat with relief.
My problem is that there are other situations where I don’t feel able to work through my desire or am not even aware of it: for example, I had a friend staying and we ate out a lot. I just ate everything and anything and was not at all mindful about whether what I was eating was best for my health.
I know that one factor might have been that the presence of my visitor restrained my overeating, and maybe I was ‘back in the cell’ because I did not have the same opportunities to overeat as I do when I’m alone. I should add that my friend is very slim and he eats very healthily! He is quite concerned with his weight and size.
Is it ok to apply the 5 steps incrementally to more and more areas of my life (such as when I eat out, or when I have a visitor)? Or should I always try to work through my desire whenever I’m presented with an opportunity to eat?
I hope this makes sense: I know it sounds a bit jumbled!
June 22, 2019 at 8:53 pm #3414JaniceParticipant
I also seem to have a little difficulty with this. I just stumble into overeating. Also I am forgetting to remember to remember outcomes in my overeating.
June 23, 2019 at 9:53 am #3415GillianParticipant
Oh boy, I’m so glad you asked this question – both of you. Not only do I think it’s impractical and impossible to apply this 100% for ever, it’s not advisable either – for reasons I’ll go into in Session 6. For one thing, it’s not possible to define “addictive overeating” precisely. All we can do is aim to live somewhere around the bottom of that mountain of excess food, and not run up it too high too often.
Aiming for 100% tends to set up an “all-or-none” mindset, where you’re either in control – on the diet, on the programme – or off it 100%.
So yes, much, much better to apply the 5 steps of working through desire incrementally. Work on one or two behaviours, consolidate that change for a while (ie it becomes less of an effort) and then see what’s next for you.
It does sound like you are both doing very well. I encourage you to acknowledge what you’ve done, rather than dwell on what you’re not doing yet. If you tend to acknowledge achievements only when they are “perfect”, you’ll undermine your motivation to continue what you’re already doing.
June 23, 2019 at 11:23 am #3416SallyParticipant
Hi Gillian, Louise and Janice
This has been really useful as this week I made a cake (I rarely make cakes but it was an occasion) and although I was fine on day one on day two I ate more of it than I wished to and it felt like I had fallen off the diet wagon so reading that it is not about trying to achieve 100% adherence made me breath a sigh of relief.
It was also interesting to read about the slim visitor who is concerned with weight and size. I had lunch with my sister in law this week who is an excellent runner and very slim and we were discussing eating. She said that although she eats cake (most days) she is very conscious of watching what she eats and adjusting the amounts of food she has (if she has cake) so she is not overeating. So I wondered if that is sort of what we are aiming for on the programme? Sorry if I am stating the obvious!
June 23, 2019 at 1:29 pm #3419GillianParticipant
Yes, Sally, I’m thinking this may be the sort of thing to aim for. I’ve often heard clients say they want “to eat like a normal person” and although I wouldn’t want to suggest anyone here is “abnormal” I think the idea is to find a more relaxed way of being with food, somewhere in between the rigidity and chaos of dieting/not dieting.
Having said that, it could be that a person who has already developed a degree of insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, pre-diabetes and/or diabetes would not be doing the best for their health with your sister-in-law’s “cake on most days”. It’s all highly individual – which is yet another reason not to follow specific one-size-fits-all diet plans.
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