All or nothing and client stories

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  • This topic has 8 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by Julia R.
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    • #15113
      Julia R
      Participant

      Gillian,
      I am a perfectionist that has worked on being more flexible and being spontaneous. I have worked on eating something I usually don’t have in my diet, and doing it without planning it. Last week there was carrot cake at an event and I chose to have a piece-telling myself this was being spontaneous. After eating it, then I wanted more sugar. I realize this is normal and is an opportunity to work thru the addictive desire. But there is a part of me that thinks it would be easier to avoid this sugary food in the first place. However, then I go into the all or none thinking which results in other challenges. In this situation, I wanted sugar the next day, and then the next day, which I consumed and was always left wanting more. Any comment on this?

      The Client Stories are wonderful and so inspiring. At times I feel this way when watching them and I chose to repeat them because they do inspire me. However, there are times when I feel like a failure when I see where others are at, this is their “new” life and way of being with food. Of course they may continue to have bumps but I am not hearing that part of their journey. I am trying to understand some of the comments. For example, one person talked about going to her favorite restaurant on her birthday because she especially liked their dessert. After a lovely dinner, she made the decision to pass on dessert. If it was something that would melt I could see myself possibly doing that, but more likely I would go ahead and have it anyway or if it was something I could take home, I would do that. And I would have it later, when my body still did not need more food. I have a wonderful justification, it is my birthday after all. It seems if I am following this course, it would be the best choice to not choose dessert because my body is full and content. Will I ever get there?

      Another example, is the person that chose not to eat birthday cake at all. Instead she let her kids decide on the cake of their choice and she passed on having any. I am thinking, wouldn’t that be a time to be spontaneous? If this person had an immediate migraine or intestinal issue I could see passing. In this example, I am trying to apply my choosing not to go into an all or nothing mode and being spontaneous. I can see she was being at choice, was pleased with her decision and had no regrets. I am just thinking—when does this person chose to be spontaneous—not that it is my business but I am truly trying to understand. Maybe I am thinking I am do this wrong cause I am not doing what she is doing?

      I realize our journeys are unique and there are situations that may be a breeze/easy choice for me, that others could be challenged with. And maybe trying to generalize what they chose to do, is their choice and it does not serve me to compare, wanting to respond the way they do. Sometimes I feel I have a long ways to go and will never get “there”. At the same time I am very pleased with all the changes and learning I have done as a result of this course and one on one sessions.

      I hope this makes sense. If you can answer or direct me to a part of the course, or maybe a one on one session is best.

      Thank you.

    • #15114
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Julie,

      “…then I go into the all or none thinking which results in other challenges. In this situation, I wanted sugar the next day, and then the next day, which I consumed and was always left wanting more.”
      It looks like you picked up the idea of being spontaneous from Week 6, but I’ve included a very specific step-by-step guide in order to put that into practise and you would do well to follow that.

      “I have a wonderful justification, it is my birthday after all. It seems if I am following this course, it would be the best choice to not choose dessert because my body is full and content.”
      First step is to become aware of the addictive mindset (justification) and then to choose whether or not you are going to act on it. YOU choose based on the outcome you want. If you think in terms of what you would do as someone following this course, you are relating to this material as if you are on a diet and being told what to do (by me, I guess!)

      “I realize our journeys are unique… and it does not serve me to compare…”
      Absolutely!!!

    • #15121
      Julia R
      Participant

      Gillian,
      As always your feedback is “spot on”. I just listened to the Week 6 Solutions. When I first decided to try out working thru desire, I knew if I had any chance of it working, I needed to have it written out and beside me where I relaxed in the evening. When the AD came, I reached for my notes, and worked thru it and was successful! I just wrote out the steps for Teaching myself to be Flexible. I am excited to put this into action. I plan to do so when I am at home where I can reach for my notes and have them in hand (on a pretty pink index card). I just put them in my phone also, but I prefer not being in public when I am first trying this out.

      I really believe this step is key for me. I am eating less. I am comfortable with food—before this course I avoided potlucks and even going out to lunch with friends because I could not control the menu. I over eat less often. Occasionally I will have foods that are the ones I typically overeat and do this when I am not in a binge/what the hell space. I have put away the scales-which took a very long time for me to do. I remind myself of the non-weight reasons. I ask myself how will I feel when I eat this and think about the outcomes. My list goes on and on. This flexible/spontaneous eating really tripped me up. Again, I am looking forward to trying this out.

      A HUGE thank you! I am looking forward continuing on with my own, unique journey!

    • #15127
      Sophia G.
      Participant

      Hi Gang

      Just to make a small personal comment about the Client Stories. I too find them uplifting and inspirational – but actually I find them MORE than ‘inspirational’; I find them truthful and reliable.

      Personally I distrust ‘inspiration’ which I have found in the past to be misleading, and also lots of the world’s problems seem (to me) to be caused by ‘inspired’ people. So I don’t trust so much as I used to, when people rave about things.

      But I see the people on the Client Stories have very similar issues to me and to us, and when they relate their struggles I see that they really did find things just as hard as I do sometimes, and then they describe how such-and-such a technique or attitude has helped them, and I then believe much more what they are saying, as the techniques/attitudes they describe are ‘real’ and are solid useful things which I can do too. Their comments help me take the techniques seriously and encourage me to really give them a go and to put that effort in.

      Obviously some stories resonate more than others with me, as some issues are more like mine. But most resonate a lot as after all our main base problems are pretty much exactly the same – i.e. involve Overeating Something-or-Other.

      I’m very grateful they share their personal stories with us. And so recent, which makes an impact on me more, like watching live tv as opposed to taped stuff. It resonates more..

      Just thought I’d share that, my mini-rave.. !

    • #15130
      Julia R
      Participant

      Sophia, Appreciate your mini-rave! Gillian did an awesome job gathering and putting these stories together!

    • #15131
      Sophia G.
      Participant

      Julia, Yes, great job !
      I find it really helpful. I recognise the often-desperation and then they find a way through, this method. It’s encouraging alright..

    • #15139
      Julia R
      Participant

      Just the awareness of the mindset has been huge for me. I have had something addictive two times in the last few days. The first time I reminded myself that I would crave more of the addictive food. And I did. And I reminded myself what my usual mindset was..which is to justify having more cause that is what I always do. However, I followed the steps and I worked thru it! Yesterday I had something that could have triggered an AD but I was satisfied and did not go down that path!

      As I said, just the awareness changes it up. And I feel so great—emotionally and physically making that choice. I always require the dots to be close together when I learn something new. This info helps so much!

    • #15142
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Thanks for this, Julia.

      It’s especially helpful for others who read these posts to see how it’s turning out for whoever it is who got stuck and asked the question in the first place.

      All of the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are here, it’s a matter of putting it all together.

    • #15143
      Julia R
      Participant

      Gillian,

      I believe it is in the Mindset section, you say you are here for us and will hold our hands. I hope folks really “get” how true that is. Just like a toddler learning to walk, when they fall they get up! It is worth choosing to take on the pieces of the puzzle!

      I have made great strides as a result of reading the posts from others and your comments and the one on ones I have had with you over the years. This breakthrough was the result of a single feedback post from you!

      Folks: Gillian is here for you! She is genius in moving one forward when you are stuck or discouraged, no matter how small or large the bump may be! Reach out to her! And others get to learn too, because sometimes we are not even aware that it is an issue for us too, until we read the post from someone else.

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