- This topic has 18 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by Stephanie D.
May 19, 2021 at 8:40 pm #14414Sally GParticipant
I am really struggling this week and wanted to share and could do with some encouragement maybe.
I am a great believer in Gillian’s approach and think it is the only way to make lasting changes. After decades of dieting, I find that the course feels like another plan/regime that I am following so I have started to push back like you do when you are on a diet and you get sick of not eating the things you like.
I think that there is some fear about a)failing and b)if the course works, I won’t be able to overeat and I will miss my little foodie crutch, even though I refer to it as discomfort eating and hate doing it.
A few times over the last couple of days I have practised the things on the course but then consciously ignored them. I know how I will feel if I eat this thing (for example) and I will feel better if I don’t, and over time the urge will get weaker, etc. No, sod off, I am definitely going to eat it now!
May 19, 2021 at 8:59 pm #14415Janet KParticipant
Yes, I totally get what you’re saying there. I’m scared of “failing yet again” but also afraid of missing how good indulgence in all those lovely flavours feels.
I’m white knuckling through wild cravings. And I totally get the ignoring bit and just jumping to the eating.
The one thing that helps me is the pause and deep breath. I’m forcing myself to do that each time and then the other thought process follows. Before, I never stopped the wild wolf brain from devouring everything in sight.
It is unpleasant to sit with the desire but hoping it becomes easier….
May 21, 2021 at 8:58 pm #14452Penny EParticipant
Hey Sally. Great post. Thanks so much. I have the MP3 on my phone and I play it a lot. It has taken me a while to realise it’s “not about the food”. It’s about the thought/feeling. I find listening to Gillian makes it very quick and easy to identify where the feeling is and to sit with it. The MP3 is a really handy little tool 😘
May 19, 2021 at 9:28 pm #14416Sally GParticipant
Thanks for your reply Janet. I think I am a bit scared that the harder I push myself to sit with it, the more I will rebel. Tomorrow is a new day though, so I will focus on just that one thing.
May 19, 2021 at 9:31 pm #14417Karen MParticipant
Your post could have been written by me, you put into words every thing I’ve been feeling. My big worry is what I’ll fill the space with that is left if u stop overeating.
May 19, 2021 at 9:37 pm #14418Sally GParticipant
I do believe that by just sitting with the desire that over time it will get easier Karen, and that in that case, we won’t need a space to fill, most of the time at least. Nice to know I am not alone.
May 19, 2021 at 10:21 pm #14420Karen MParticipant
I need to focus on pausing before eating and questioning why I’m wanting to eat. Difficult when hand to mouth is hardwired.
It is reassuring that we aren’t alone, Sally, as you say: one day at a time.
May 20, 2021 at 1:46 pm #14426LouiseParticipant
Hi folks, Louise here, just catching up on the forum during my lunchbreak.
I did Gillian’s course about two years ago now, and have continued using her approach successfully. For me, I think there’s a lot of learning (or retraining) to do, in terms of genuinely welcoming and working through desire, rather than using the technique to put the brakes on your desire, if you see what I mean.
So if you are seeing the addictive food you want to eat, feeling the desire and then briefly saying to yourself ‘oh, there’s my desire, ok, but I mustn’t give in to it,’ you are overlooking choice. Then you rebel (so ‘oh shut up, I’m going to eat it because that’s my choice!’).
You might feel you have made a choice, but I realised on the course that the choice is not between eating or not allowing yourself to eat – it’s a choice between experiencing the discomfort of desire/craving/longing etc, or eating the food. And if you do decide to eat the food in preference to working through desire, acknowledge the downside: for me, that was things like I slept better when I ate better, and my tinnitus was so much better when I didn’t eat sugar, for example. So that was part of my decision, and I honestly found it preferable to sit with my desire for a few minutes than to be awake all night with my ears ringing! And it does get easier of course, that’s the beauty of it.
I haven’t found there’s a gap really, now that I rarely overeat. I certainly don’t think about food as much as I used to, because a lot of my triggers, such as getting in the car, or having a cup of tea, don’t predict eating any more. It’s just a much smaller part of my life now. If you’ve done a lot of dieting, as I had, I think it’s natural to think of the technique as something that happens TO you – almost as if you sit back, take in all the info, do the exercises and and do what Gillian says, and then it will just work somehow, but it really wasn’t like that, for me anyway. It’s something that you actively do and engage in for yourself – if you want to. No one is forcing you! That was so important to me, and that’s why I love Gillian’s work so much.
Good luck everyone! I’m living proof that Gillian’s technique is realistic and works long term, which is pretty much the holy grail for me!
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by Louise.
May 20, 2021 at 2:53 pm #14430CindyParticipant
Thanks for taking the time to explain this, Louise.
May 20, 2021 at 7:59 pm #14440Cyndi B.Participant
Great thread, thanks all.
This quote from Louise-
“..I realized on the course that the choice is not between eating or not allowing yourself to eat – it’s a choice between experiencing the discomfort of desire/craving/longing etc, or eating the food.”
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by Cyndi B..
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by Cyndi B..
May 20, 2021 at 3:05 pm #14432LouiseParticipant
I think everyone’s experience is very different and personal Cindy, so it’s just my perspective. And whoever said baby steps is absolutely right! 🙂
May 20, 2021 at 3:10 pm #14433Sally GParticipant
That is really helpful and encouraging Louise. I know I have to do the work, I guess I was fearful that pushing on with it would feel like a regime. I can really see in your reply the difference between eating and not eating versus embracing the desire and sitting with it.
I have had a better day today. I have consciously been clocking those desires, especially the teensy weensy ones and there are so many!
May 20, 2021 at 6:00 pm #14437Stephanie DParticipant
Thank you Sally, Janet, Karen, Louise and Cindy. This thread helped me a lot.
May 21, 2021 at 9:37 pm #14453Monica GParticipant
Thank you all – it is so good to see that it hasn’t just been me who has had a bad week. Thanks Sally for being brave to ask the question and thanks Louise for sharing your experience.
I have been ill this week and have really struggled to take a pause, breath, etc. I just needed comfort food and have had it. I have been wondering about this type of situations in the past. As humans, and the fact that we are not perfect, we will have days when we are not feeling our best and it will be much harder to tap into our pre-frontal cortex and our limbic systems seems to take charge (at least that is my experience). Gillian, how do we manage in these situations? I suppose it is ok if we struggle as long as we go back to exercise choice/feel the desire the next day?
May 22, 2021 at 9:13 am #14457GillianKeymaster
It’s true there will be situations for everyone that make it tough to work through desire. It may be that feeling unwell is one of them, or it could be that you discover how to eat less (or eat less “comfort food”) when you’re unwell. That will be the focus of Week 5 which begins on Sunday.
Then in Week 6 I’ll speak more about not being perfect and consistent and getting back on track.
May 23, 2021 at 1:56 pm #14495Monica GParticipant
Many thanks, Gillian for your reply. I need to remember that is’s about “eating less comfort food” not about “not eating any at all”. Look forward to the webinar this evening.
May 23, 2021 at 11:26 pm #14524CorinaParticipant
I just watched week 5, and I think you will find it very helpful, since Gillian puts it all together, and she goes back to the thinking in a new way: as mindset. I also like that she mentions CHOICE again. Lack of freedom is a very unnatural human state, so I do agree with Gillian that true change comes only when we switch to choice, meaning out of food victim, but it is not so easy, to fully inhabit that large space of possibilities and true fullness, full-fillment… I was always told that I cannot control myself and that kept me in a victim, helpless position/ mindset I didn’t even know…unbelievable how deeply automatic and unconscious it can be
I find it very useful to read Ditching Diets. Also, going back to listen to previous weeks.
As for myself, I want to tell you that only CHOICE saves me, I see clearly that when I am not in this mindset, I feel miserable and will likely choose the wrong food, or overeat- a vicious cycle of feeding the bottomless deprivation monster!
Wishing you well.
May 23, 2021 at 11:40 pm #14525Sally GParticipant
That’s really helpful.
May 24, 2021 at 12:22 am #14526Stephanie DParticipant
Agree. Thank you, Corina. I will pay close attention to choice.
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