- This topic has 17 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by guadalupe.
July 12, 2020 at 6:54 pm #8653Anne MarieParticipant
I am wondering if you consider yourself an addictive eater, after all these years of using these teachings. And I guess I’m wondering the same thing about myself… After doing all of this work over the course of the next year, will I still be an addictive eater for the rest of my life? Or will I be able to look at myself differently?
Thanking you in advance for your guidance, wisdom, and direction,
Anne Marie in Massachusetts, USA
July 12, 2020 at 11:37 pm #8655Julie MannParticipant
July 13, 2020 at 9:05 am #8659GillianModerator
I look at this in the same way as I look at defining “addictive eating” – as a matter of degree rather than a black-and-white Yes or No.
I don’t see it as a flaw, to insist (as I do) that the boundaries of addictive overeating are inevitably approximate. A mountain is no less a mountain because its edges are vague. And I am more than happy to live with addictive overeating (= eating more food than I need) a lot less than I used to do, and a lot less than I think I’d do if I didn’t know how to navigate feelings of desire.
I feel in control, and confident that I’d be able to make any more changes should I see a reason to do so. Sometimes I eat sugar and very occasionally I eat in a way I later regret. I think it’s a matter of being good enough, rather than driving myself towards a never-enough illusion of perfection.
I hope that answers your question, although maybe more than you asked for!
July 13, 2020 at 11:39 am #8661guadalupeParticipant
Hi Gillian and everyone! I was wondering if just being in control with addictive eating is not also being in a cell? and deprivation?
Or when one begins to feel like this, it would be to return to the 3 themes. Why I choose this and not the other (and I choose based on my motivation, my why and what for) And also at the same time I surf the wave of desire.
July 13, 2020 at 12:47 pm #8663GillianModerator
It looks like you’ve asked a question here and then answered it yourself. Yes?
Just for clarity: any time you feel deprived, that’s a sign you didn’t connect with free choice.
This might happen, over and over again, until you’ve done it enough to move into that space of free choice much more easily and much more quickly.
The feeling of deprivation says: “poor me, I’m missing out”. Free choice says: “I can eat whatever I want, any time, and what outcome do I want to create right now?”
July 13, 2020 at 10:45 pm #8676LizParticipant
This is a helpful thread.
I’ve found Allen Carr’s work interesting and helpful. I notice I have a sugar addiction and when I start, I struggle stopping. But he teaches to remove the DESIRE, and then you aren’t conditioned to overeat.
I don’t like the idea that I would be addicted forever and always needing to be abstinent from sugar.
BUT, I do think I need to realize that I have an unhealthy attachment to having loads of sugar at night and abstinence from that for awhile is necessary. Not because I need to eat that way forever, but because I am CHOOSING to show myself I can go without it.
Does that make sense?
I’m not missing out by not eating crummy food, but I want a different outcome these day!!!
July 14, 2020 at 9:57 am #8678LouiseParticipant
This is an interesting thread. My take on it so that our brains are evolutionarily hardwired to value sweet food because its high calorific content contributes to survival. Unfortunately our brains don’t recognise that we live in a situation where food is plentiful, nor that a lot of food, especially processed or shop-bought food, includes forms of sugar such as fructose, which are deeply attractive to us. I think I will always be drawn to those foods and have a desire for them, and sometimes I will satisfy that desire by eating them.
For the most part, though, I intend to work through my desire, by feeling it and accepting why it is there, instead of acting on it by eating. I don’t agree with Alan Carr that you can remove desire. I believe that suppressing or denying desire and trying to abstain will eventually end in rebellion, and bingeing. For me, that’s why Gillian’s approach is more realistic and honest, in acknowledging that the desire to overeat will crop up from time to time.
I think desire does probably fade with time, as I found when I stopped smoking, but sometimes it can be replaced by over consuming something else instead, such as food or shopping. I think that’s why acknowledging and making friends with desire is the best way to make peace with it.
July 14, 2020 at 10:04 am #8680GillianModerator
The part that doesn’t make any sense at all is why you’ve clicked on “Mark Complete” on the course videos without actually watching them. It’s like I’m the schoolteacher, and you’ve figured out how to cheat on your exam!
I don’t mind if you don’t take the time and effort to engage in this course material. The difficulty for us both is that it won’t work for me to try to deliver this course via this forum. That’s why I’ve presented the slides and published the videos. As I see it, this forum is an addition to that, not an alternative.
I expect you’ll hold on to the idea that you can remove your desire to overeat, especially while you’re abstaining from sugar (what I refer to as the state of compliance). The bad news, I think, is when it stops ‘working’ for you, you’re likely to conclude that it’s my “Eating Less” approach that hasn’t worked, when in fact you never did take it on board.
I want to add that one aspect I’m most proud of is showing people how to manage the highly addictive nature of sugar (as well as other ingredients) without needing to abstain. I’d love to hear from others who have grasped how magical and revolutionary this really is!
Thank you, Louise, for your post on this.
July 14, 2020 at 11:33 am #8681LizParticipant
I’m sorry to have marked lessons “complete”. I actually have read and listened to everything with my airpods, during the day, and written in my notebook, but you’re right, not completely studied them as I should. I’m sorry the webinars are my Sunday mornings with my family of 7. I am going back and re-doing it all. I did that not for you to see, but to go through and make sure I’ve read and listened to them all. But am re-doing now.
I’m so sorry about that. One thing I am working on, and it’s evident, is slugging through the nitty gritty stuff, and not looking for the quick fix, which is why I got myself here in the first place with food, probably. I’m tired of myself. I admit. Jumping around for something that “works” when in reality, it’s only me and my brain to get through all of this. Apologies. Bear with me. xo
July 14, 2020 at 11:40 am #8682LizParticipant
“Acknowledging and making friends with desire is the best way to make peace with it.”
I love this, Louise. Thank you for sharing. I completely agree that removing desire is unrealistic (at least for me), and that this approach is much more realistic and honest.
“I believe that suppressing or denying desire and trying to abstain will eventually end in rebellion and bingeing.”
I completely agree, Louise. The rebellion is inevitable in suppressing.
July 14, 2020 at 11:57 am #8683GillianModerator
I certainly will bear with you, Liz – no doubt about that.
You’ve reminded me of The Three Stages of Self-Love, from David Hamilton’s book “I Heart Me”:
Stage 1: “I’m Not Enough”
Stage 2: “I’ve Had Enough”
Stage 3: “I Am Enough”
It’s good to see you’re not avoiding Stage 2 when it comes to this course, and it’s important to see that it really is a stage to go through (but not remain in, hopefully).
Apologies from me back to you, as it seems technology let me down, and not for the first time. AND, really, honestly, I promise you that it makes no difference if you’re not able to attend the live sessions. Absolutely not a problem. At all.
July 14, 2020 at 12:13 pm #8684RobynParticipant
I’m with you in being tired of myself. I’m also extremely guilty of jumping around and looking for something to get myself out of this mess instead of “taking a stand” and doing the work here. I know totally that Gillian’s way is the only way I will have a healthier relationship with food and myself. It all makes so much sense, it’s just stopping and thinking in the moment and putting everything to practice, that I struggle with.
I’ve been listening to most of the lessons and the webinars during the series but tonight I’ve started back at session 1 and I’ve started taking notes and want to be more involved in the forum.
I’m here for the long haul.
July 14, 2020 at 12:20 pm #8685LizParticipant
Thank you for relating, Robyn.
It’s a modern-day struggle we bear with SO MUCH INFORMATION at our fingertips, and fast, and I fall prey to it ALL!!!!
I’m a believer in people and find that I need to be more selective about what I follow.
You’re right–Gillian’s program is the only way.
Let’s tune everything else out and focus.
I’m starting over and dedicating one hour/day before my kids wake (which is now) to be involved, re-listen, and I started writing in my journal again.
I know it will be helpful.
We can do this.
July 14, 2020 at 7:11 pm #8691Julie MannParticipant
Louise, just brilliant. I love the idea of befriending desire and agree with you fully.
Gillian, I never heard of this before, and it’s quite useful:
Stage 1: “I’m Not Enough”
Stage 2: “I’ve Had Enough”
Stage 3: “I Am Enough”
Liz/Robyn: I totally get it, always in seeking stage, instead of trusting ONE process and doing what it takes.
We’re all in this together, always learning and growing. It’s wonderful actually.
July 14, 2020 at 8:59 pm #8693jodi bParticipant
this is a great thread.
thanks for your posts.
I love the stages of self love, I am definitely in stage II and so hope to get to stage III.
I love learning with you all.
July 15, 2020 at 4:02 am #8695PattiParticipant
I stumbled upon an interesting insight and I was wondering if anyone else has thought about the following. My addictive desire to eat for the most part is around some type of dessert. I consider these foods as a form of art: generally beautiful, perfect, and adds a lot of joy to my life when eating it. There have been instances when I have eaten desserts in a reasonable portion, but for the most part will turn into a binge when I have eaten more than I think I should (cue deprivation). I also think it is food only deserving for naturally thin people, not for me (cue choice). Here is my personal insight, the way I feel about desserts is the same way I feel about being thin. They are both permanently unattainable thus far. Sort of like I can visit the city of sugar and thinness, but after awhile I am unwelcome.
July 15, 2020 at 1:30 pm #8696LouiseParticipant
Hi Patti, when you say desserts are permanently unattainable, it sounds to me as if you have locked yourself in a box, and told yourself that you cannot eat them.
Have you looked again at Gillian’s webinars on Choice? The fact is, you can choose to eat those ‘perfect’ desserts any time you like. In doing so, you would have to also accept the consequences – the downside of doing that – and that will be individual to you. You probably know what the downside is if you think about how you feel after bingeing on them.
Gillian does a very good presentation on choice involving two different pens. If you can find that, I think you will find it helpful. Good luck! Like you, I have a strong desire for puddings.
July 20, 2020 at 1:08 pm #8748guadalupeParticipant
Thanks for your answer Gillian, and sorry to answer you late.
Yes 🙂 I asked and answered myself.. hahaha
Totally true what the feeling of deprivation says, and the free choice. They are totally differents, and hard to switch from one to another. I want to remember the outcomes I want to create before eating… Sometimes its hard to have that in mind before eating, and you only realized once you ate. It´s a trial and error process…
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