March 29, 2020 at 10:11 pm #5553
I haven’t been successful in working through my cravings or desires quite yet but I am being more aware of them for sure. It’s not that your steps for working through them (the crazy obsessive urges especially) wont work, I’m sure they will if I WORK them. I have noticed something though..Once a urge or craving hits, I block everything out and quickly go for the food. It’s like a laser-focused mission and nothing better get in my way. It’s very heart pumping and rapid feeling. I got to thinking and I believe what I’m doing is trying to hurry and eat before I put it into my conscious or upper brain. It’s almost like I know once it’s there, I might just get some sense and not do it and I want to do it so bad that I hurry so I don’t risk coming to my senses.
Does that make sense? I knew I did this but never thought about why until I started your program. It’s like I don’t WANT my real brain to kick in. Yet..there’s nothing I want more in the world! sheesh.
March 30, 2020 at 10:03 am #5554
Aimee, the phrase that stands out to me is: “…once it’s there…” so can you let me know more about that:
1. what is “it”? What kind of food are we talking about?
2. how does it get “there”? Do you buy it, order it, bake it yourself, or does someone else bring it to you – or what?
I look forward to seeing your reply.
March 30, 2020 at 9:00 pm #5555
Gillian, I guess I wasn’t clear. I’m not saying “it” is the food. What I’m referring to as “it” is the urge and noticing it. So basically, I don’t want to acknowledge the craving/desire because I’m afraid then I’d be making it real and feeling like I should work on it. I guess it’s like “keeping my head in the sand”? I get a huge urge to binge and try to do it fast and almost without thinking because I fear if I slow down and pause, then I’ll come to my senses. Hope that makes a little more sense.
Like when you know you shouldn’t do something and it’s not good for you (going gambling, blowing money on something dumb, etc), so you hurry and do it before anyone can say anything or you come to your senses and change your mind. That’s a little of what I do.
March 30, 2020 at 9:09 pm #5556
Aimee, I really do get that part of it. You go unconscious with the urge to binge. I did misinterpret that phrase “once it’s there” and now I see that you mean the desire/craving. It’s not that you’re being unclear – you are very clear. It’s always a problem, though, because this subject matter is so complex. It just is.
So, it will still be helpful to get answers to my two questions above, even though I misunderstood what you’d said when I asked them. Plus, question 3. is there a consistent kind of cue that triggers this kind of binging? Or does it not seem to follow any sort of pattern?
March 30, 2020 at 11:14 pm #5557
It can really be any type of food. Usually fast food or sugary things. Starts with a little thought or seeing something, maybe passing a fast food place, seeing a pic of something..etc Then I try to forget about it but the urge builds up until I end up running out to get whatever I’m craving. It’s always me getting it for myself. Can be something like seeing baked goods in the office break room. I may see them and make some sort of choice to NOT have any but I guess then the urge sort of “simmers” in the back of my mind and even builds to the point that I make up my mind to literally rush back down there and devour what I can as quickly as possible, trying not to think about what I’m doing.
There is no consistent cue. I think it has something to do with “choice” though. Probably because I’m always trying to lose weight so the second I see something that’s not a good option (sugar things), I think I can’t have it. I may be able to resist for a couple hours but then I “let go” and binge. When I let go (I guess it can be referred to as white knuckling), I don’t want to work on any “steps” and pause, name it, etc….I just want to hurry and eat whatever it is I’ve denied myself really quick before I become conscious.
March 31, 2020 at 9:13 am #5558
Aimee, what do you think about working through your desire when it’s “a little thought”?
At first, it may take working through a number of times – while it’s simmering and building up. At any point you can bring it from the back of your mind to the front of your mind, focus on it, work it through and make your choice. Do you think that is possible for you?
Speaking of choice, I thought I’d comment on your post at 5.6 What’s Missing:
“I can’t seem to truly and deep down believe I have a choice. I understand it intellectually but have yet to fully let it sink in beyond a surface level.”
You don’t need to believe it “truly and deep down.” All you do is understand it on an intellectual level and Take A Stand on that at the time you experience your desire.
Let me know what you think 🙂
March 31, 2020 at 2:39 pm #5559
Thank you Gillian. Every bit of advice you give I read over and over and absorb. I am going to “take a stand” and commit to at least trying to work through desire the next time it comes up. Just sort of putting one toe in the water knowing I don’t “have” to do it every time.
I’ve spent the last couple days replaying webinars and reading your books. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my issue is that I’m not owning choice which is why I have way more urgent desperate cravings than I do desires. I’m still at the “lip service” part of owning choice. 🙁
I believe I’m getting ahead of myself and trying to work through desires, whims, and preferences but either I’m still “locked in my cell” when a whim comes up or I start immediately putting my self back in the cell when the slight thought of eating something “bad” pops up. Either way…same thing. I’m not mentally out of my cell yet no matter what I tell myself and write down. Too many years of yo yo dieting has built a hurricane/bomb proof cell I’m guessing!
March 31, 2020 at 7:08 pm #5560
Just putting one toe in the water, knowing you don’t “have” to do it every time – this is the way to go, Aimee.
Let me know what you discover.
April 8, 2020 at 3:05 am #5569
Hi Gillian. Yes, I have actually been practicing this all week. I try to start reminding myself that I HAVE A CHOICE right from the get-go, when the urges are just little “thoughts”. It does seem to be working. I think I just have doubts because it almost seems too simple? haha I mean..30 years of this torture i’ve put myself through to think I could slowly but surely get out of this nightmare by just “thinking differently”?? Maybe I’m still skeptical but heck, I have nothing to lose! Like I said, I’ve been really truly working on “challenging” my thoughts in the moment when faced with food. It’s hard because I do wake up every day thinking “it must stop, I can’t go on, my clothes are so tight…” etc etc Very difficult to change this..yet the actual solution is simple. Does that even make sense? Difficult but simple!
April 8, 2020 at 9:47 am #5571
Aimee, you’ve hit the nail right on its head: difficult but simple – that is exactly right.
So pleased to hear that you’re seeing a speck of light at the end of your tunnel.
And the written exercise at 2.5 will help you too; email to me if you want, or even better post here.
April 9, 2020 at 2:27 pm #5573LeslieParticipant
Thanks for your post, Aimee. Like you, I read and reread Gillian’s advice and comments. It was helpful this time to think about working through an addictive desire when it’s smaller – noticing a thought or pull to eat when it pops up early on. For me, that’s part of eating mindlessly or as quickly as possible (by the way, I know Aimee’s not alone in that!:) – if I don’t consciously ‘catch’ what’s going on EARLY, then it (an addictive desire) can become a freight train and be very very hard to turn around.
Gillian, I know getting lots of practice helps to change this pattern. Do you have other suggestions for how to notice an early thought that doesn’t necessarily seem addictive on the surface, but quickly leads me into binge eating?
As I write this I realize of course my rationalizing and addictive thinking are obviously a big part of the problem!
April 9, 2020 at 2:30 pm #5574LeslieParticipant
P.S. Maybe you’ve already answered this in your above response to Aimee – repetition is useful I guess!!
April 9, 2020 at 4:59 pm #5575
Leslie, if you’re asking about getting better at becoming aware of your addictive desire, even when it’s more subtle, I think using Times and/or Plans is the most effective way. The whole purpose there is to shine a light on addictive desire so you can see it more clearly.
It can also help if the food isn’t quite so readily available, which of course will depend a lot on the circumstances. You can still get to it and eat it, but opening a cupboard, and then a tin, and maybe then a wrapper, gives you time to become aware of what you’re doing? Might not be appropriate.
If you want to give me a real example, it would be easier for me to respond to that.
April 20, 2020 at 5:24 pm #5603Julie MannParticipant
Yet again love this thread. So helpful, thank you Aimee, Leslie and Gillian.
I can relate to all of it.
April 20, 2020 at 5:33 pm #5604
I agree! So helpful to have an active forum. Sometimes different people word things slightly different and it makes all the difference.
The last 2 days I’ve had way too much to do and haven’t had time to work on any of the exercises or rewatch/reread anything but hoping to tomorrow! I feel like I’m on the brink of a breakthrough but just need more nudging.
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