Body Positivity and rebellion

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    • #11828
      Sheelagh M
      Participant

      Hi Gillian, I have alot of questions tonight! This question is around body positivity. I was very slim up until about 23yrs of age and have had severe self loathing towards my body since I gained weight, I have never been able to accept my bigger body, even when it wasn’t that big. A couple of years ago I found the body positivity movement and genuinely for the first time started to see that having a body that wasn’t a size UK8 could still be beautiful and could be healthy. I could never get onboard that an obese body was healthy… that always felt unhealthy to me, the opposite of self love, but it was a revelation to realise that it was diet culture, patriarchy etc that had me thinking I was only worthy as an entire person if I was back to a size 8, and that trying to restrict my eating to get back to this unattainable size was damaging my relationship with food and myself. So I feel strongly that I don’t need to conform to some false body ideal, and I don’t want to lose that as it was such an important step towards being nicer to myself. Believing i didnt need to conform to this ridiculous body ideal required me develop a sense of rebellion, but it feels like this is somewhat at cross purposes with the course. I know you are not teaching anything to do with an ideal body size, but I find my body positive rebellion voice saying why the hell should I eat less, for who, I’ll whatever I want etc etc. Especially when I use ‘a sense of accomplishment’ as motivation to eat less. It kind of triggers feeling like I’m being a ‘good girl’ and sets me right off on a rebellious mindset. Is there a way to reconcile the two? Be body positive AND want to eat less. Does anyone else feel like this or had any break throughs with this. I have a feeling this is probably around motivation… my why. Any insights or different ways of looking at it would be great, thanks.

    • #11838
      Gillian
      Moderator

      Sheelagh,

      Why not eat less for reasons that don’t have anything to do with weight? Non-weight motivation?

      And couldn’t “a sense of accomplishment” be from eating less, and not necessarily weighing less?

      • #11858
        Sheelagh M
        Participant

        Gillian, thanks, so after reading your response I think I have eating less 100% tied up with weighing less. I didnt think I did as i have so many non weight related benefits.. no reflux, less asthma, no feeling of discomfort, no reflux, no crashing mood etc etc. But when I’m in that body positive frame of mind I start to think eating less is just code for weighing less. And that that is the patriarchy wanting women to be smaller, take up less space, be quiet etc. And then my middle finger is up to it! So is the answer to really draw attention to the way i feel after i overeat/don’t overeat? I’m thinking to break the connection to conforming to someone else’s rules. So the ‘sense of accomplishment’ from eating less is that I don’t feel crap and that’s for ME not anyone else? I think I’m answering my own question here but its really helpful to type this out and discuss it. Hope that’s okay

    • #11851
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Hi Gillian and Sheelagh, Something similar happens to me sometimes.. I am learning to love my body in the size it is and with the kilos I have, I have watched documentaries and things about body acceptance, bodypositive, etc. And there comes that point, in which yes, I have stopped having several overeating behaviors, based on health motivation and not wanting to continue with those behaviors, for example eating alone in the car, or buying something and eating it because I’m bored or simply sad.

      But I think that the desire to lose weight is still there, and I rebel against that because I want to accept and love myself, with the body I have; or am I afraid of losing weight?
      It’s like a part of me wants to be slimmer, and another part wants to be fat and happy. So I have to keep working on downplaying body size.

      Now I eat honey that I didn’t eat before … and we know it’s super caloric. So I do not know if I compensate the kcal that I remove on one side, and add them on the other. In a way of rebellion not to lose weight because I have to love myself that way, or I´m afraid, or I don’t know. I already made a mess hahaha
      I will have to find motivation to lower my doses of honey if that behavior bothers me? and stop worrying about my bodysize and just let it be?

    • #11859
      Sheelagh M
      Participant

      Yes I also think this way Guadalupe, I rebel against the fact that i want to lose weight because I also want to stop the self loathing battle with myself and learn to love myself regardless. But on the other hand I know that this body size is a result of some very disordered eating… so my body size represents a real lack of self love to me. I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone, just for me thats how it feels. So I’m thinking Gillian said any time we have any thoughts about our weight, positive or negative, to think of a weight related benefit straight away. Is that it Gillian, so when this internal dialogue about accepting/loving ourselves as we are we treat it as focusing on weight and think of a non weight related benefit?

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