February 14, 2021 at 7:08 pm #11897EllenParticipant
Hi all, to not lose time during webinar.
For me weight is a problem. I want it to be less. Much less. Just being honest with myself.
If I try to erase this aim fully – I feel bad about myself, like I miss time of my life not doing what is important for me.
Dear Gillian, what to do with this? I know I will lose weight if I stop overeat but my eating standards are “diet” like with a lot of restrictions.
What is the right way to combine the course with this very important aim for me?
February 14, 2021 at 9:32 pm #11908
Yes, of course it’s possible; this is not either/or, black or white.
“If I try to erase this aim fully…”
I have not suggested that you fully erase wanting to lose weight. I suggest that the way you lose weight is to seek out, discover and keep in mind your non-weight reasons to eat less (See 1.6 Notes).
The way to combine the course with your aim to lose weight is:
Every time you think about your weight, you deliberately remind yourself of some motivation that has nothing to do with your weight. See also video at 1.5 for more.
“…my eating standards are “diet” like with a lot of restrictions.”
In the exercise on motivation (1.1) you mention eating until you are physically sick, losing control and wasting your life with binges. All of these are what you get from being too restrictive. Do you see that?
February 18, 2021 at 9:02 pm #12040EllenParticipant
I have the list of non-weight reasons on my phone screen and look at it many times per day. I can’t say it helps
In general I did exercises from the book and the book didn’t work in practice for me that is why I am here
Maybe problem is next
I see that “eating less” is the restriction too. It means I should eat less from what I crave.
And yes, I see that restrictions bring binges.
For now the course influences me same way as any diet.
I try to keep in mind that I should eat less and it triggers overeating
I assumed I shouldn’t limit myself and just observe
I see also that if I do not restrict myself – I overate too
Things are not black and white. But something is wrong with my mindset. I can’t apply recommendations in a way they work.
So sorry, I didn’t understand from your reply what to do with this
February 19, 2021 at 9:06 am #12042
You are right – I didn’t say anything about what to do with this in my reply above. I wanted to check with you that you understood that your denial of free choice (believing that eating less is a restriction) was driving your overeating. And yes, you do see that.
So the solution for you is in Week 2 on Choice. I encourage you to watch the videos, maybe many times, maybe make notes for yourself, and ask questions here if you come across something you simply do not believe.
In particular, the first 8 minutes of the video at 2.3 will give you something to consider, I think.
I don’t see a post from you in the “Exploring Choice” section, and that would be useful for both of us too. (2.1 and 2.2 on the Dashboard.)
And thank you for posting this – I have no doubt it will be helpful for others here.
February 19, 2021 at 6:58 pm #12160guadalupeParticipant
Hi Ellen and Gillian!
Ellen, it happens the same thing to me! This is my 3rd time taking the course, is not that I do 100% everytime, but I keep in touch with all the content and I keep thinking and improving my way of eating, and my relationship with my body and food. I realized that every time I started the course and was more in contact with the material and content, I began to eat more and worse; than when I stay away from the videos and the forum. As it happens with diets (in a different way of course).
On the one hand, I want to lose weight, on the other hand I don’t want to pay attention to that. I want to eat less for the benefits related to not weight motivation, but I end up thinking that if I eat less I will lose weight. And a part of me does the opposite, and ends up eating more. I think sometimes I fail at choice. It is a mixture of everything that fails I would say… motivation, choice, desire, perfectionist all-nothing mindset.
Now I know it´s a process.. and I know Im in a better position that I was in may when Ive started the course for the first time. But I still have things to learn and to put into practice.
February 19, 2021 at 8:20 pm #12163
Ellen and Guadalupe,
From what you’ve both said above, it seems your engagement in this course leads you to overeat more.
Do you see that this is a rebellious reaction coming from feeling like you are being (or will be) made to eat less? As if you don’t have any choice in this matter?
Can you let me know?
February 19, 2021 at 9:39 pm #12164guadalupeParticipant
Hi Gillian! It happens to me sometimes, not all the time. And yes, in my case, it´s a rebellious reaction.
Sometimes that I tell myself that I should be doing the course seriously, so I will learn to eat less. Which leads me to eat more, with more anxiety, more addictive desire, more aware of food and wanting to control food. I would not say that it is the course far from it, but that it is the mentality that I have about all or nothing, and of course choice. But also wanting to lose weight, so motivation is envolves here.
February 20, 2021 at 9:51 am #12165
Did you ever do the exercise I recommended? It’s on the current dashboard at 2.7
Or maybe when I suggest something like this, you overeat even more?
February 22, 2021 at 8:35 pm #12225CarolineParticipant
Ellen, thank you so much for posting all this—I totally relate to what you’re saying! I too find it really hard to make the Non-Weight Motivations have any bite for me; and I find myself feeling resentful and rebellious at the thought of eating less, even though of course that’s why I started doing this course. Talk about self-sabotage!!
Same thing with Times and Plans, which I’ve just been watching. I know that Gillian says they are tools and not diet-style instructions, and intellectually of course I accept that. But… I still find myself feeling (not thinking!) ‘Huh! So that’s a diet under another name!’ It’s so frustrating!
- This reply was modified 4 days, 13 hours ago by Caroline.
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