- This topic has 9 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 10 months ago by Lucy.
November 7, 2019 at 8:09 am #4407LucyParticipant
I have been doing quite well until yesterday when I went to my Dads for the evening which is often a trigger because he has more “interesting and yummy food” in his house. So I had an addictive desire to eat the crisps that we always have with a glass of wine. I managed to work through it for a while but then it got just too much and I could not resist, I would have liked to just eat a few but I ate much more, I could really feel the addictiveness of eating them.
The outcome was that I felt cross with myself as I wasn’t able to control the desire. Is it this feeling I need to bring to mind next time the cue arises?
What can I learn from this to better prepare myself for this cue , which is a very regular one in my life.
And because I live alone I get to decide what food I have in my house and I generally don’t have bags of crisps, or bread or cake/biscuits etc (unless I’m in binge mode!) I know I can’t trust myself around these if they are readily available, like when I go to Dads. So I suppose this is me denying choice but I’m not going to start buying them and having them at home just to test myself. Can you say a bit about this please?
November 7, 2019 at 8:31 am #4408LucyParticipant
Ps…I have regularly been asserting my free choice, in fact I wake up in the morning and its the first thing that enters my thoughts. I am free to eat whatever and whenever I like, its my choice to accept feelings of addictive desire and work through them so I get some benefit…
How does one know if its true or whether Im just paying lip service to it?
November 7, 2019 at 2:56 pm #4414GillianModerator
Lucy, a couple of days ago you posted here that this course has been “extremely emotional” for you and “quite a journey”. It seems you’ve made significant changes in your eating, and all of this is fine, but could it be that for some reason you’re pushing yourself to over-achieve? Do you think it all has to be ‘perfect’ in order to last, and that eating crisps at your Dad’s might cause it all to unravel?
I don’t know you at all, so please forgive me if this doesn’t fit for you. I will be addressing all of your questions here in the remaining webinars in this series, but I think I’m picking up something else that’s going on alongside the questions (which, by the way, are excellent).
Just one week ago you posted here that you’ve created “a really devastating relationship” with your eating, and that you “cannot imagine ever being able to trust myself not to overeat… it seems an impossible thing”. Has anything about that changed for you over the past week?
I encourage you to be in a process with this, and to remember you are only half-way through the initial course – with access to this site, the forum and the Q&A webinars for one year. So there’s no rush! Why not take your time, acknowledge what you’ve done so far and allow it to consolidate in your mind and brain.
November 7, 2019 at 3:24 pm #4415NicolaParticipant
Wine with crisps is a big downfall for me, too! I feel your pain. And I have children so regularly have tons of crisps in the cupboard – and I get through far more of them than they do!
I don’t have any words of wisdom, just letting you know that I’m with you…
November 7, 2019 at 3:39 pm #4416LucyParticipant
Yes I probably am trying to over achieve and I know that I am by nature a bit impatient, boom or bust, all or nothing, and want things “fixed” or “completed”. Its part of my make up…maybe its the Leo in me ;)… and I have been trying to make these aspects more conscious in me for years!
So thanks Gillian, a timely reminder from you to take it all a bit slower and calmer and appreciate what I have done so far. Good advice.
When things change for the better (and this is in all different aspects) I always jump to the conclusion that it will stay like that and I get very disillusioned when they revert. But as you say its a process and I am thankful to you for it!
And yes there was part of me that thought by eating crisps it would all unravel yet again, I feel a bit silly now!
“Just one week ago you posted here that you’ve created “a really devastating relationship” with your eating, and that you “cannot imagine ever being able to trust myself not to overeat… it seems an impossible thing”. Has anything about that changed for you over the past week?”
In answer to that..yes I have had a glimpse that it could change, have in fact experienced it.
November 7, 2019 at 3:49 pm #4417GillianModerator
Good for me to read this, Lucy. It’s tough for me as I know so little about you – and of course everyone else on the course. So it seems to me I’m always feeling my way in the dark. So, I’ve very pleased some of this landed for you, makes sense and feels supportive 🙂
And, it might help you to know that the “all or none” thinking is part of the problem. So let’s not encourage that.
November 7, 2019 at 5:05 pm #4418LucyParticipant
Thank you Nicola , that helps!
And thank you again Gillian.
The all or nothing has a lot to answer to, its tricky one to bring more balance to.
November 9, 2019 at 9:51 am #4432GillianModerator
I will be going through how to bring more balance to the problem of “all or none” – step by step in Session 6. The concepts and techniques I cover first (in Sessions 4 and 5) pave the way for that. It’s all leading up to that.
“All or none” isn’t an issue for everyone, but it’s very, very common and a huge key to a long term solution. And there are some excellent contributions from past clients on this as well.
November 9, 2019 at 10:09 am #4433LucyParticipant
Thanks Gillian, that sounds really good.
I realise that I don’t note the small improvements…actually they’re not that small!
for example: although I can sense the addictive desire when I’m eating sometimes (enjoyment and relishing the flavours, maybe eating too fast) I haven’t had a “full blown binge” for a while and after my evening meal which I try and have earlyish I have not been eating at all, trying to leave about 12-14 hours until I eat the next day. I used to do fasting like this for a long time a few years ago and I like the idea its giving my body a well desreved break from continually digesting food. This time the difference is its my choice to do this and I’m not motivated by weight loss and its just for now, I can always stop doing it.
I probably didn’t need to write all this but it does seem to help writing it down, makes it more real somehow.
November 9, 2019 at 10:17 am #4434LucyParticipant
Thats interesting..having just written my last reply I see that the fasting could be seen as an “all or nothing” attitude! I don’t think it is as I feel quite free about choosing it but I’m glad I noted that.
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