Doubt about addictive desire and addictive mindset

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    • #10304
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Sometimes I tell myself that Im going to do this, and then I change my mind and I do another thing.   Its really stressful.  Its like I dont follow the plan Ive already set to myself.   And I do this with food, and with everything else.   Its like I want to have everything planned and settled/establish in advance, everything in control. And then… I dont do it…   And then it comes the frustration…  And I dont want to feel like this anymore.   So, one thing that Im trying to do is to put in practice the “decision at the present moment” and decide at that time/moment.  To take decisions at the time they are going to be executed. And this is apply to food also.  Sometimes I ask myself “What do you want to do now?” and then I ask myself “and how are you going to feel after doing that?”.

      In refering to food and overeating, Im also trying to put in practice times and plans.  Sometimes both at the same time, sometime just one of them.   And I ask myself the same questions.  And sometimes I catch myself in a plan, and the addictive desire appears.  Sometimes I talk to it, and I dont know if Im doing it in a right way this self-talking, I mean..  Sometimes I´ve planned to eat just 2 something.  And then the desire to eat 2 more comes to me, so at that moment, I tell my self, “the addictive desire is here, hello you!, here you are.  and you arent going to win this time”.   Sometimes that is all, and it stops there.  With loooong breathes, and maybe with phrases to reinforce that, such us “Ok addictive desire, its ok to you to ask me to eat more, but Im the one who makes the decisions here, and at this moment 2 is enough for now”So, sometimes it work, and I follow my plan to eat only 2.But, sometimes, its like we both make a deal, an agreement.  If my plan was to eat 2, and I find myself thinking of “it was delicious, you can eat 2 more and that´s it”.  in that moment is when I start “talking” to my addictive desire, and say “hello you, here you are!!  is ok to you to ask me to eat more because is what you do, but now Im the one who makes the decisions here, so 2 is not ok, maybe 1 or a half”  I eat that new agreement and thats it.  Its like we both are happy.

      So I dont know if that agreement/deal with myself and the addictive desire, is my addictive mindset justifying to eat more.   So its kinda the same thing of overeating and follow the addictive desire.   Maybe the addictive desire without recognizing and making a deal, in an unconscious mode I eat 2 more extra, and then another 2, and then I find another thing in the middle. 

      So Gillian, I have a doubt here  🙁 Please clarify me 🙁

    • #10305
      Gillian
      Participant

      Guadalupe,

      So that I can give you a good answer, would you let me know what kind of food – or maybe “food” – you are talking about? What sort of item is it when you eat two of them (which is in your Plan) and then you eat another two, or maybe another one and a half?

    • #10311
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Hi! This happens sometimes maybe with the foods I want to take control of it, or in someway I think that I shouldn´t eat, like cookies, or something like that, sugary food I think it would be..
      Because sometimes it happen with real food, I mean with a steak and a salad. But mostly it happens with candies, cookies, or those type of food ultraprocessed, or maybe with food I did myself but is sugary food. Or food that In somehow I think I should eat less or take control about it. Maybe a sandwich, pizza, etc.

    • #10314
      Gillian
      Participant

      Okay, Guadalupe, thanks for this info about the food. The significant part is that it’s all highly addictive: processed carbohydrates, and especially sugar – the pizza and the sandwich bread probably contain sugar, btw.

      There’s a lot to explain, and I’ll start the webinar for Week 6 with more on this as it’s a common problem for many people.

      But for now, I expect it’s an issue around motivation. You say for example, that eating two is “enough for now” but given that we’re talking about very addictive things, it’s easy for the addictive desire to over-ride that, so that “just one more” or “just one and a half more” seems reasonable. Why not? What’s really the difference between eating two and eating three and a half? Does it really matter that much?

      I speak from my own experience here! I would regularly eat an entire packet of cookies because I was not able to see any motivation not to eat three after I had eaten two… and not to eat a fourth after I had eaten three…and so on.

      What I did was to make an “all-or-none” choice about the whole packet. I did that at the shops and began by buying the packet less often. So I ate the whole thing, but less and less frequently.

      As I said, more on this in the webinar.

    • #10350
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Sorry Gillian I haven’t answered you before! But yeah … let’s say normally that happens to me with hyper-palatable food. Although sometimes it also happens to me with “normal” food. I’m detecting what happens to me when I restrict myself, when I tell myself NO ITS ENOUGH, either because it has a lot of Kcal, or because I ate a portion or two and I said myself is enough in that “mountain” of food I imagine. And if that desire to continue eating comes to me, I analyze it and think if it is hunger or the desire to eat. I mean, if it’s that addictive mind that tells me yes, eat more. And at that moment I ask myself how will I feel after having eaten it. So I don’t do it.

      What you say at all-or-none is what I am trying to do now, not to directly buy those things that detonate me. And if Im in front of that food in an event or something like that, I tell myself that yes, I can eat it all or eat 1 or 2 if I want and enjoy it, and then If I want I can go and buy 4 packages. But I wonder if I’ll be okay afterward, if I’ll feel proud of that decision and that’s when I let it be and I don’t go into the action of eating everything. And also sometimes I don’t even eat that 1 or 2 pieces.

      Other times, with things that do not cause me so much impulse, if I buy myself and I do not eat everything at the moment. But I space it in time. And sometimes I can do it, sometimes don’t , it depends, but I’m detecting what it is and why it happens to me. And if I want something sweet, I substitute it for a chia pudding that is sweet and healthier. I eat that chia pudding and I say to myself, ok, you already had your sweet, and I move on to something else.

      For example, with ice cream (with one in particular of banana and dulce de leche that is delicious) what happened to me is that I bought it, and I ate it all in the same afternoon. We are talking about almost 1kg of ice cream. Then I was spacing it out in two or three moments a day, and then I was spacing it more and I was eating it in two or three days. But having it at home and telling myself NO, DON’T EAT IT or just wanting to control it, created stress for me. And last week, I spent several days thinking about buying it, but what I have done is that I have bought it and I have taken it to my parents’ house. I have eaten there a little and there it is. Another time I went, I already knew that the ice cream was there and it’s like I went thinking it was there and that I would eat it for dessert. And then I went again and I didn’t even remember that I was there. Something I tell myself is that I can eat it all that I want if I want to.

      I don’t know if motivation fails me, and I keep focusing on weight even though I don’t want to. Or if motivation fails me in general. I will review session 1 to see if it enters in my head! haha 🙂

    • #10355
      Gillian
      Participant

      Guadalupe, there’s a written exercise at 2.1 on the Course Dashboard.

      It seems to me that it would help you a great deal to do that exercise – every day, if you can.

      All instructions about it are there on the page, at the bottom.

    • #10394
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Hi Gillian !

      I had not read this! but now I do =)

      Thank you! I will look for it and start doing it. I also notice that little by little I am better, and I am eating less or being able to control it. Not always, of course, I’m being a little imperfect.

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