October 12, 2020 at 1:09 pm #9655LizParticipant
Hello, I’ve taken a break from this information, but find myself back to some habits and wanted to re-visit for help.
I read another previous post where Julia quoted Gillian from a webinar and said:
“Wanting to eat, not working thru the desire, wanting to eat anything without the negative outcomes—the process of resolving that conflict is what takes me somewhere. Like a car spinning its wheels in the sand, thinking if I do this new diet or change my carb intake—always trying to do anything other than resolving that conflict. IT IS THE AVOIDANCE OF THAT CONFLICT- THAT IS WHAT SHE THINKS OF TAKING A STAND. Taking a stand in that experience of desire. And saying wait a minute. I don’t want to go down that road. I am going to chose something else. I am going to do something else. The way I do that is working thru the desire. If I have done it before, then I know it is possible. The idea is to build on that. It’s something for me to learn. It is here. It is on the website. That’s a big learning open to me. This is the whole entire point. If the Addictive Desire could be avoided or removed, I would be out of a job! There would be no point in me saying any of this, none of it. The hours of video, client stories, times and plans, understanding free choice and not feeling deprived. The whole conversation would be pointless, useless if it wasn’t for that one feature. I have an Addictive Desire to eat more food than I actually need. And it is not because I need to go into therapy or because my glucose isn’t regulated.”
This hit me like a ton of bricks (again!). Thanks Julia for posting it.
It is and always HAS BEEN the ADDICTIVE DESIRE to work through for me. That is where the magic happens.
I have found myself in a spot where I slowly spiraled back into bingeing at night and waking up feeling awful.
My clever mind has jusitified it by not eating all day, but then eating everything at night. The justification also is “it’s more fun to eat out with your family and eat well and a lot”. But, that’s false since I’m the one still eating after they’ve all stopped. Silly brain.
I’m now at a point I don’t feel hunger or fulness. I either feel starving (only once/day when I start eating), or absolutely stuffed. How do I start eating normally?
This is a Monday morning. I am DONE! I need to get back into a good habit of eating but it feels too foreign to eat anything before late afternoon, especially because I feel no hunger.
Anyone who relates, would you recommend MAKING myself have 3 meals/day regardless? Setting up a time/plan for myself and sticking to it. NOw, this would be different than me jumping into my calorie counter and counting how many calories/macros I want for the day and sticking to that.
Instead, focusing on choosing 3 meals/day and then letting that crazy addictive desire pop up and dealing with it at the time? It’s inevitable about 8-10pm.
Sorry this post is all over the place. I have a lot of thoughts and am trying to navigate them!
October 12, 2020 at 1:26 pm #9656
Liz, can you say why you’re not trying out some different strategies yourself, regarding eating, what you eat, when you eat during the day? It would be a much better way to go than asking others.
“I am DONE!” and “setting up a time/plan for myself and sticking to it” look to me like future choices, even a commitment.
Have you ever read my free ebook “What is wrong with Intuitive Eating?” I ask because you seem to value hunger as a signal to eat, when it’s much more a reflection of your habits – you don’t eat during the day so you don’t feel hungry during the day.
October 12, 2020 at 1:26 pm #9657
October 12, 2020 at 1:37 pm #9659LizParticipant
Thank you, Gillian!
Yes, why do I turn for others’ opinions when I can experiment on my own!? I haven’t trusted myself, but I am the only one, obviously, who knows what I need/want.
I will read the Intuitive Eating document. I read it so long ago, but need the refresher.
Thanks again for your wise input!
October 12, 2020 at 2:06 pm #9661
Also following. Liz, it sounds to me as if you are in diet mode – reminds me of all those sentences we wrote in module 1, like I need to get back to a good habit/ make myself eat 3 meals a day. Maybe you could just change one thing? What it would be is up to you.
October 17, 2020 at 9:36 pm #9692
8-10 pm is my time too for the AD. It has helped so much to listen to Gillian’s MP3. I also transcribed it so I could read it, if that worked better in some situations. What I do now is Julie’s motto: Allow it and move on and be glad later! I do wonder if I am actually changing my brain if I only read/absorb the statement for 5 seconds. It seems Gillian has said it takes a minute or so getting in touch, feeling it in in our body and stating this is an AD and then reminding ourselves about choice.
Gillian, what is your comment on this?
October 18, 2020 at 11:54 am #9699
My comment on this (for Liz and Julia, I think) is that neuroscientists say it takes 10 to 20 seconds at a time to begin to have an effect on the neural pathways.
This is in the “Working Through” video at 3.4 on the Dashboard.
October 17, 2020 at 9:58 pm #9693
LOL Julia, I don’t remember that being my motto but I’ll take it 😉
October 17, 2020 at 10:32 pm #9697
Hi everybody Julia it’s nice to see you back. My take on it is that AD can be very obvious and overwhelming, and it can also be a fleeting thought. And everything between those two extremes.
For me, identifying the AD in the moment has taken a lot of practice. If it’s just a whim to eat something addictive, it’s so easy to ignore it and move on, but I have learned if I do that, it comes back even stronger the next time. So I try to work through each time. Mine doesn’t pop up at particular times any more, but when I am feeling particular emotions, especially boredom and stress. At those times, it can take me several minutes of physically experiencing the discomfort of addictive desire to make a decision.
Gillian, it would be great if you covered this some time in a webinar – how it feels to really engaging with AD, rather than just acknowledging it. I sometimes find myself just dismissing AD and that always ends up with a setback for me.
October 18, 2020 at 11:50 am #9698
Louise, I will do that, but it’s a matter of where and how to fit it all in.
Maybe you can remind me about this when we do our next Q&A?
October 18, 2020 at 7:37 pm #9725
Thanks Gillian, it was just an idea for future follow-up webinars as I know a new course has just started and it wouldn’t fit at the moment. For myself, I think I have figured this out, when I twigged that making a choice is NOT choosing not to eat something, but positively choosing to FEEL the discomfort of desire.
As soon as I do that, I know where I am and the desire does not feel anywhere near as bad or overwhelming. It just melts away when I turn towards it. This is why I said in the webinar that I feel fully on top of the overeating I used to do. It really and truly feels like something I did in the past- which it is.
I eat imperfectly sometimes – not often, but often enough that I am not perfect. I don’t need to do that deliberately because it happens naturally, when I choose to eat addictively. But that addictive eating is so insignificant now – like one piece of fudge or a spoonful of honey on my yoghurt! And I enjoy that, and it feels perfectly fine to just have that little bit, and if the AD pops up as a result, well, I expect that to happen, and I recognise it, and feel it, and accept it.
When I last had a proper relapse about 2 weeks ago, it lasted just a few hours instead of days or even weeks. I learned a lot from that relapse about my expectations, which is covered so brilliantly in week 6. I learned that there is no wagon to fall off, only days when I eat better and eat less than I do on some other days, when I eat a bit more. But there is not a big difference between those days, and I would say that 95% of the time I go to bed feeling very happy and content with my eating that day, which still feels so liberating and satisfying to me. It is such a great achievement for me, and it is all thanks to you.
October 18, 2020 at 8:09 pm #9727
Louise, brilliant, choosing to feel the discomfort of desire is a positive!!
In fact, I’ve set an intention to feel uncomfortable everyday because it means I’m growing in some way.
And I love how the desire melts away when you turn towards it. How amazing that overeating feels like a thing of the past.
And I also love how you see all of your growth, a bit over overeating for a few hours rather than days or weeks. Seems to me you are THERE!
Just so good!
October 18, 2020 at 8:43 pm #9728
Louise, I love your post! I want to print it off and re-read it! And Julie, setting an intention to feel uncomfortable everyday is brilliant! A wonderful way to embrace instead of avoid the AD.
Thanks Gillian for the 10-20 seconds working thru the desire. I realized today I had that on my 3X5 card and in my phone! Silly me!
It is so inspirational, motivational and just sweet to learn from all of you! Gillian must be proud watching her “students” grow and share.
October 18, 2020 at 8:49 pm #9729
I think we are quite a troupe!!! All doing so well, embracing discomfort, growing, leaving overeating in the dust!!
October 19, 2020 at 5:07 pm #9732
Totally! This forum has been great to dip into without feeling any pressure or overwhelmed by responses as happens on Facebook (another addiction I have dumped using this technique!)
October 21, 2020 at 11:04 am #9751
Hi everybody. I was a bit disconnected from the forum and the course, or not connected as I wanted.
Some of what they mentioned above also happens to me, thinking about eating something addictive and saying “not now” and the next day it was worse, and worse. It happened to me from waking up every day thinking about going to buy some cookies at the supermarket before coming to work. I was dodging that AD for those cookies for a week or two. Until one day I said, I buy them and I enjoy them. I bought them, and I enjoyed them. I didn’t binge eat them all like I used to many times. And then, it was forgetting about cookies, and that desire for those cookies. Because they aren’t “that big of a deal” either. And I can eat them when I want. This is something that I repeat myself many times, that its available when I want, so I dont have to end the package.
But is true that I think that choosing to do not eat something, is not probably the better choice to do if I want to work with AD. But its also a part of choosing to feel the discomfort of desire and pass it throught without satyisfing it. Right?
Gillian, I have doubts, could you please clarify or give me your point of view on how this is and works
I mean, If I realize that I have an AD to eat more of this or that, a second plate because it was delicious, a second portion because it is a special cake and event; or whatever one of those excuses that I use to justify “that” second course, portion, etc. That I use to justify “that overeating” in particular. Part of working on AD is choosing not to eat it, and feeling bad about it. Is this how AD works?
Realizing that I am in that “a-ha moment” in that “AD moment” in which I choose to stop it, I choose it freely to stop that “excuse to overeat” so I decide not to eat it, feeling that discomfort of desire. I choose that discomfort that causes me not to satisfy that desire.
it’s something like this?
October 22, 2020 at 5:59 am #9753
I think you’ve done something you’ve done before, which is to start your post a bit confused and then end up answering your own question. Yes?
I do think it will become much more clear for you as you go through the course for the second time.
It will be helpful for you to stay with the course content as we go through it. So, for example, right now just be thinking about your motivation to eat less. What is it about your current eating that you want to change next? And why do you want to make that change? Post your answers on the Course Dashboard at 1.1
October 22, 2020 at 10:30 am #9765
Thanks Gillian! And yes, Im confused and I ask question and then asnwer them to myself. But Im not sure if that answer is correct or not =(
And yes, I was this morning with the introduction to 2nd course =)
Thanks Gillian !
October 22, 2020 at 12:44 pm #9769
As you already have access to the May/June course, you can go there to listen to the mp3 at 3.4
The answer to your question is there.
October 22, 2020 at 3:13 pm #9770
I appreciate your scenario of asking a question, answering it, then wondering though if you are on the right track. I have done that so many times. For me it is learning something so very different and it is my way to sort it out and wanting assurance. Hang in there! I have done the course 3 times and I am so grateful each time with all my learning.
October 22, 2020 at 3:43 pm #9771
Guadalupe I second Julia!!! I learn something new EVERY time, I see things in new ways, and I’ve found that these amazing strategies have impacted all the other areas of my life! Leaning into the discomfort of desire, allowing it, and choosing what I really want for myself! It works when I’m feeling stressed, when I find myself getting upset in a relationship, it works when I have an urge to spend money, etc. Keep at it and you will have breakthroughs in ways you cannot imagine.
October 23, 2020 at 4:25 pm #9776
Hi Gillian! Im going to hear and translate de audio of desire =D
October 23, 2020 at 4:35 pm #9777
Thanks JULIA and JULIE ! Yes.. Sometimes I do that scenario of asking a question, answering it, then wondering though if I am on the right track.. I was thinking that maybe its because I want to know it for sure, to do it PERFECTLY.
For example, I was in a motorcycle accident, and I screwed up my knee. Since that moment, I have a master’s degree in knee´s injuries and exercises to strengthen, but many times I am wondering what is the best exercise or what is the best form to do things and progress. When many times DOING is the best way, and DOING is how one finds the way (of course with a guide and information). With this theme of working on the AD I stay in theory, and it is time to put it into practice..
Im happy to be doing the course again, and it´s true that everytime I listen an audio o read an exercise, or read the book, its like something new come up. Or I make connections that in the first course I couldn´t do because I didn´t have al the “themes” covered. Now is like I integrate all the information, concepts and techniques.
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