encouragement….

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    • #4293
      Lucy
      Participant

      Hi Gillian and everybody,

      I am new on this forum and just starting the October 6 week course.
      I have worked through the motivation and choice sections and its all so interesting and relevant, thankyou Gillian.
      Before I came across your work (which was only 2 weeks ago) I had got to the stage after a lifetime of overeating/dieting where I became utterly sick of all my self imposed rules/should’s and should nots etc etc. I now have a real aversion to any sort of deprivation or prohibitive talk, rules/good food, bad food, this has got especially worse after a recent 5 month calorie counting diet and weight loss of 20lbs , but of course I fell off the wagon and most of it has gone back on in an alarmingly short space of time. This lifetime of prohibitive thinking has created a really devastating relationship with my eating.
      I can really understand everything you say about motivation and choice, it all makes such sense and yet, even when I have these themes in my mind and on my post it notes dotted around the kitchen, at the moment of eating I just don’t care about them…I say “so what?” my desire to overeat far outweighs and obliterates all the logical and true reasons I have for eating less.
      I cannot imagine ever being able to trust myself not to overeat…it seems an impossible thing.
      I know its early days and I must be patient and as you say there is still much more to go and the three themes need to come together but have you (or anyone else) got any encouraging tips please.

      Thanks..X

      • This topic was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Lucy.
    • #4296
      Sian
      Participant

      Hello Lucy
      I can very much relate to your “so what?” attitude at the time of overeating. It really strikes a chord with me too. I suppose it’s about the fact we may never learn to completely stop over eating, but may learn to do it a little less often, and maybe that’s as good as it gets.
      I know that I definitely want to have wine and cake in my future, but hopefully… less often. (Hic, Hic, burp)

      Good Luck
      Sian

    • #4297
      Lucy
      Participant

      Thankyou Sian.

    • #4302
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Lucy, thanks for posting this – I expect you are speaking for many of those who are here starting this course. I know it can be frustrating to begin with, as you’re getting the material bit by bit and you’ll need all of it for it to work well. Even so, it will be best to integrate the ideas covered so far, and to continue to do that as you go along.

      So, as one example, I spoke about the value of self-compassion in the introduction, and you could find a way to bring that into your thoughts about all of this. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to make changes (of course you do!) it means you’ll come up with a way to appreciate yourself for what you are doing. Maybe joining this course and for making a good start on the material so far?

      And continue to do this week by week: “Here, I’ve come up against a problem: what can I apply from the things I’ve learned so far?”

      As for your so-whats – for Lucy and Sian – I’ll be speaking about that on Sunday – so not long to wait.

    • #4307
      Nicola
      Participant

      Lucy (and Sian) – thank you for being brave enough to share your deepest fears. I share those too. I have done so many deprivation diets that I too got sick of it and for quite a while now have been drifting on a sea of “I’ll eat whatever I like that you very much” with a widening girth to show for it! I can’t wait to change the way I am around food with this course. Bring it on! Nicola x

    • #4327
      Lucy
      Participant

      Thanks for your reply Gillian. I got such a sense of my prohibitive thinking yesterday, I think as I’ve been doing it for many decades (from the age of 12!) it just feels like the normal way to approach food and eating, it quite shocked me when I caught it occurring and realised oh actually maybe this HAS got a lot to answer for. Would it be in that moment I would challenge it by saying “you are free to eat anything you want, at any time” ? Its become like a little mantra I’ve been saying today whenever I’ve had a food related thought, its early days I know but just that phrase seems to be reassuring me somehow and I can feel a little bit of stress or compulsion ease.

      Thanks for your comment Nicola….yes bring it on!
      And Sian yes same here, I still want to be able to enjoy cake etc but not let it derail me completely…. Hopefully Gillian will show us how.

    • #4330
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Excellent, Lucy. Yes, that is the moment you bring in a challenge to your existing mindset. It’s especially important that you’ve seen an improvement – feeling reassured and a bit less stressed and compulsive – as this shows you’re on the right track.

      Yes, I will show you how to eat cake LESS OFTEN and everything I cover will lead up to and contribute towards that.

    • #4352
      Gunici
      Participant

      Hello, i say sorry about my english. Today i sat during a meeting in front of excellent honey cookies and i had a little conversation with this cookies, telling them, that i have the choice of eating them all. But i did’nt.and after a while i even didn’t want to eat them. I decided to wait until i can have a salty lunch and nothing sweet in that moment. The desire fade and the discussion in my mind ended. what a good feeling. And it was only the dicision for that moment, i understand that i can eat them at any time i want. I felt free.
      The question is:will that feeling last?
      And the mantra you describe, lucy, made me feel happy as well.

    • #4353
      Lucy
      Participant

      Hi Gunici…Thats fantastic. Yes I have been running conversations like that in my head today, I too had a “moment” when faced with crisps at lunchtime, I did eat literally a few but whilst doing so said to myself hey I am free to eat these whenever I like and after that I just stopped eating them, most unusual! And when I got home tonight I did begin to feel quite irritable so wondered if that was a sign of prohibition, not consciously aware it was but who knows, anyway I read some of the notes I have made about weeks 1 & 2 and that really helped.
      I know exactly what you mean when you say you felt free…me too. And yes I have the same question “will it last”? As Gillian said last night we have no evidence that it will work, yet, so I’m sure little signs like this are a really positive beginning and worth noting.
      I also started to listen to the self compassion introductory video earlier and cried when Gillian said you can learn and grow self compassion with practice….its like Ive been in a prison…all of my own making!

      Good luck, looking forward to week 3! X

    • #4362
      Lucy
      Participant

      Hi Gillian,
      Yesterday I was listening to the first video of week 3, on addictive desire, it seemed that just reading about/listening to it was enough to trigger a binge afterwards…I had been feeling so pleased previously because I had not overeaten for a few days, the hunger had subsided and I’d noticed some feelings of freedom around my choices that lead me to not crave food constantly and I dared to feel a little hopeful.
      When the desire to overeat happened yesterday I worked through the motivation and choice reminders I have written down and they weren’t enough to stop me, oh dear!

      This evening I am still having a desire to overeat, which I satisfied and now I’m feeling really cross and discouraged. Everything I thought Id learnt gone out the window and my glimmer of hope lasted all of a few days and I feel like I’ve failed again. I’m sure all this is quite common to start, this back and forth between hope and despair?

      It feels like the rebellious eating is just at the prospect of listening to week 3, which funnily enough was the week Ive been really looking forward to. I am now procrastinating and not wanting to listen to week 3 incase it wont help me…crazy behaviour!

    • #4363
      Gunici
      Participant

      Dear Lucy, the same happened to me. Desire, overeating as you described.yesterday and today.
      But i didn’ t think it is caused by watching the first video of week 3.
      I think we need more time to establish an other attitude. Don’tlose hope and let us start again with our own choice the next moment, when we want to eat again.Tomorrow morning?

    • #4364
      Lucy
      Participant

      Thankyou Gunici..

    • #4365
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Hi Lucy

      I remember that you had gone into a state of compliance when on the calorie-controlled diet earlier this year. You found it relatively easy, which means much less addictive desire.

      So, it’s very good news that the feeling of desire has surfaced – otherwise you’d be working with this process with the ‘pause button’ on, if you see what I mean.

      So it’s not just normal, but a helpful development for you.

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