Fear of being in compliance rather than free choice

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by Janet K.
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    • #14425
      Janet K

      Hi Gillian and Everyone

      A couple of things are concerning me. Any thoughts gratefully received 🥰

      1. I am beginning to understand the free choice I have and always will have and it’s very powerful. But as I have spent decades in diet clubs and the compliance/rebellion states, I’m frightened that I’m still in compliance and that the rebellion phase is waiting round the corner. I have been working through the addictive desire and find it doable but certainly not easy.

      2. My family are getting together at the weekend to celebrate a birthday. Up to now I have had control of the food around me but that won’t be the case. I want to enjoy myself and not feel deprived, so I will make a choice to eat. How can I stop this becoming a rabid binge as usually happens after everyone goes home?

    • #14428

      Hi Janet,

      1. This all looks good, and I’m especially impressed with you finding it “doable but certainly not easy” – which suggests you’re not in compliance – or at the very least not nearly as much as you may have been in the past. At this point, just be aware of the issue, of the possibility of rebellion and its antidote which is the assertion of free choice. Take a look at the “Prohibition Flow Chart” at 2.3 and especially these words describing compliance: easy (it’s not), rigid and perfect (which brings me to your second question).

      2. The short answer is to work through your addictive desire to eat after everyone has gone home. However, if there has been some degree of “rigidity and/or perfection” (see above) to your eating, the party may well have blown that out of the water, and after your guests leave you buy into the idea that you’ve “fallen off the wagon”.

      My suggestion is for you to make sure you’ve got my mp3 around, and expect a strong feeling of addictive desire as you clean up after the event. This is exactly the value of moving away from “all-or-none” thinking. You enjoy the party food but you don’t turn it into a disaster. Ask yourself: how will I feel when I wake up tomorrow and reflect on what I ate?

      Two questions, but I’m thinking they are really one question 🙂

    • #14431
      Janet K

      Thanks so much Gillian. You talk so much sense! Yes, I do feel that back in the day i would not have sat with the feelings of addictive desire as I’ve been doing. So that’s positive. I will keep the compliance/rebellion in mind.
      And I’ll listen to your MP3. I’m looking forward to the event but not the challenges that I know will be there. Gotta think out my consequences.
      Thanks again Gillian

    • #14438
      Stephanie D

      Hi Janet, Thanks for asking this question. And thanks to Gillian for the answer. I learn so much from everyone’s questions.

      The last time we had guests here was before this class started. I binged a lot during their visit. I was very anxious while all the people were here and the “special event” food was available. I wasn’t present to choice. I was just stuffing these little marzipan cake bites into my mouth one-after-the-other.

      We’re having guests again this Friday night, and then more guests are coming toward the end of the month (in USA we have May 31 – so that makes for a “3-day weekend”) – so I’m looking forward to taking phone and earbuds into the bathroom to listen to the mp3 during these events if necessary. And noticing if I see/feel any progress.

      Very grateful for you all.

    • #14447
      Janet K

      Thanks Stephanie
      That’s what I love about the forum. Whatever you’re going through you can be sure there’s someone on here with very similar experiences.
      Thinking of you xx

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