Fixed Mindset

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 weeks ago by Corina.
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    • #15376
      Corina
      Participant

      Hi, Gillian,

      I listened to the Webinar. Thank you. Everything you said makes sense to me. I do not feel criticized. I appreciate your time and willingness to help me. I apologize for being so late at responding and not responding at all- please know that I am just taking time to reflect. I appreciate your direct style and big heart.
      I felt very confused about my personal experience and I needed time to think, journal, etc, plus that Sundays I am not available.

      I listened to Carol Dwek when you suggested, yes, YouTubes are great, and it benefited me greatly, but I need to go over it often times, because I slip into habit.
      The fact that you said that we are perfectionists with a fixed mindset in certain areas made a lot a sense to me.
      Listening to you now, I realize that my mindset is very fixed about eating, and it is so crazy because nobody around me would say so, I don’t even try to eat perfectly, but I am getting clearer about the hidden issues: it’s this inner critic in me, above me, always telling me: “you eat too much, you shouldn’t eat”…while I rebel and eat. A critic saying that I should not eat, period!

      Yes, I have a question now, finally it got formed in my mind!!!
      How do I treat rebellions against myself, against this voice (internalized mother)?
      THIS IS MY PROBLEM: REBELING AGAINST MYSELF, FOLLOWING SOMEONE ELSE’S CHOICE FOR ME (mother), NOT MY CHOICE!!!
      This is a breakthrough!
      My answer would be to go back to Choice and look at it from the perspective of ASSERTING FREEDOM from this torturing voice, and NOT REACTING/REBELING AGAINST IT.

      Please give me your feedback.

    • #15378
      Corina
      Participant

      Gillian and everyone who may want to learn about it, I found this:

      Here is a summary of the book Mindset, Carol Dweck:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCTSQVHehEk

      Something is missing for me: she talks about success and performance and belief in limited intelligence, etc, but where is the heart, the emotional part? Addictive desire is not only a mindset thing, but it happens in the body, so for me the mind-body approach is essential.

      There are a lot of reasons for kids forming such mindset, and usually is early experiences with authority figures: parents, teachers, which will affects through fear of mistakes, punishment, etc- so the inner critic needs to know that, at least mine, in order to learn self-compassion

    • #15379
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Corina,

      “How do I treat rebellions against myself, against this voice…?
      THIS IS MY PROBLEM: REBELLING AGAINST MYSELF…”

      It looks like you’ve answered this question by saying you go back to choice. Yes, that’s it. It’s only possible to rebel when there’s a restriction of some kind to rebel against. So you remind yourself of your essential freedom to choose. There are many places in the course to help you with this. Review the videos, do the exercises as often as you want to, until it becomes yours.

      It’s good to read that the idea of the fixed mindset makes sense to you. My view is that it’s a matter of seeing it when it has you in its grip. When you see it and say, “that’s my fixed mindset talking!” you begin to step away from it. It looks like you’ve already begun to do that, so I’m really glad I mentioned Dweck’s work to you.

      There may well be many things about it that don’t fit for you, and perhaps that’s what I spoke about when I said I wasn’t so keen on the book. May I suggest that you simply take from it what you want to take. Put your own spin on it and whatever it is that your own heart says. I do think that Dweck has discovered something incredibly valuable with this, but there is something lacking in the teaching and integration of it. I took a look at her book on amazon and found this among a huge number of 5-star reviews:

      “…utterly disappointed. The writer made her point about growth mindset in first 5 pages. It was painful to go over the same point for 200+ pages…” – but most said it was life-changing!

    • #15380
      Corina
      Participant

      Totally agree that something is missing, but then, as you said,.and as I think you, too apply in the.course, I extend it and integrate Dweck’s teachings into my own previous knowledge for future needs.
      Thanks again

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