freedom of choice

[Gunici]

Dear Gillian and everyone on this forum, i did the excercise experience of freedom 3.6. I wondered that i believe more in the second sentences i made, in the sentence which says that i can stay with my weight, that i can have low fitness. Is this rebellion? All the …must not and have to…i believe more in the …i can stay like i am now….
I didn’t expect that. There is only one sentence 5 to 5.
Do others feel the same?

During this week i often had thoughts of sadness, i thought, never again eat much, never again chocolate…and i tried to say to me that my decisions are only for the moment, for this meal, not for the future.
But it is not easy to remember, just for now, step by step.

[Gillian]

Gunici, I have three questions for you:

1. do you think you have two different ideas mixed up: “I want to lose weight” – and – “I have to lose weight”? The last one says you have no choice in the matter, which of course is not at all true. Maybe the first one is true (I don’t know) but it is a different statement and not really part of the 3.6 exercise. Good that you did it, though!

2. your non-weight motivation (in Week 1) to eat less was:

What: find an end with the meal-finish eating is finish
Why: i want to enjoy the whole meal, not only the peaces after the end of the meal
What: don’t want to snack on my sofa in the evening
Why: lose weight, be free of thoughts what i have in the fridge and i might eat, or not, or eat…

Is this sorted now? Is there anything else you want to aim for that’s not weight loss?

3. Do you see any improvement with your eating/overeating? You described your desire as: urgent, it possesses you, doesn’t disappear,
feels like having heartbreak, lost someone important. Is it still like this?

[Gunici]

Thank you Gillian, yes, i have mixed two different ideas up.
I see some improvement with my overeating, in the evening only snacked once this week. I worked through my desires sitting on my sofa.. But i feel astonished how often i have thoughts in my mind of eating/snacking something. Yesterday i was listening to a wonderful concert and in between i had thoughts of eating some salty nuts, eating some chocolate.it disappered after i spoke to me that i can have them later, if i would like and could have them tomorrow and always. The feeling disappered and after the show i forgot about it.
But it is hard for me to notice how often I have this desires. The cues are often little thoughts, i don’t notice, why i have them. Suddenly i think of something to eat.
I feel happy that i found your ideas and your webinars. I’ m sorry that i cannot express my thoughts and feeling better in english. i am sure this way to deal with my overeating is the best way i have seen until now.
Thank you gunici

[Gunici]

Dear Gillian, As I watch your video again today I always notice that I miss a word/thought that helps me to believe in my freedom of choice. For me it should not only mean I have the freedom to eat what and how much I want, but I also have the freedom to eat as much and as little as I want. The little is important. So the free choice , whether much or little. That gives me a very light feeling. Although I have overeaten myself for many years of my life, I need explicitly the freedom to choose that I can eat little.
And that eating little doesn’t mean being sick and not eating anything and starving.
My desires sitting on the sofa in the evening has become less, feels lighter. I go through it in my thoughts, it helps me enormously.
And again and again it helps me that I make this decision to eat or not to eat for the moment. Just for now. Not forever. How liberating.
I feel more pleasure when I am eating.
Sometimes I use times and plans, both helpful techniques.

[Gillian]

Wonderful to read this, Gunici. Thanks for posting this – and we do understand your English very well.

[Gunici]

Dear Gilian, so good that you have discussed the subject of advice in the last webinar. I rebel immediately when someone tells me what is good for me to eat.I feel locked in. Also, every time you talked about pizza, I immediately thought: what’s wrong with pizza? Can’t I eat pizza anymore? Is she giving us advice, what to eat or not to eat?
It was good that you talked of your relationship to pizza and your choice of eating it or not eating it now and in the future. It’s good to know that I have the choice. Now and at any time, eating pizza or not. To take advice about eating or not, every time anew and always just for now.
I remember that every time someone says something about the best food, the best tips about eating. Then I can decide better whether I want to hear and follow this advice or not.
I recently went to the doctor. For the first time in years my blood pressure was good and not too high when it was measured in the doctors place. I didn’t feel guilty, that was great, and my liver values are back to normal. I am happy. This is one of the non weight benefits.
Today I was in a cafe with a friend, she ate cake, I looked at all the cakes, but there was no desire to eat a piece. I want to be hungry for dinner. Such a thing is new for me . I always felt attracted to cake and would have rejected the cake before the webinar only with heavy heart. But i didn’had to reject it. I just didn’t want to have it.
How interesting . I am curious, how it goes on…

[Gillian]

Fascinating, Gunici, and I’m pleased to hear how engaged you are with this process, and about your excellent test results from your doctor.

Thanks for posting this – good for me to read.

[Gunici]

Dear Gillian, Sometimes I notice that I also rebel against the idea of the free choice. When I think I should not eat this and that, remember the free choice and then tell myself that I have the free choice to decide how I want to eat it or not or how much or later, then I still feel a rebellious voice in me. It’s like a resistance at all to any interference in eating, whether free choice or not. Sounds complicated, but is sometimes there. Then I can’t feel the freedom of choice and feel rebellious like a child struggling for autonomy.
Do you understand what I mean?
I as an adult person agree with what you teached and it makes sense for me and it feels to be a good way to go. But I can feel that my rebellious mindset has a loud voice and suddenly appears.

[Gillian]

Gunici, when you say you feel like “a child struggling for autonomy” I wonder if you remember the bit in Week 3 when I point out that the activated limbic system with little or no PFC intervention is entirely child-like – because we aren’t born with functioning PFCs and don’t fully develop that part of our brain until our mid-20s.

If your eating was inappropriately controlled when you were a child, it would be helpful for you to view the process you describe here (and are currently engaged in on this course) as a sort of brain development. It would have been ideal for you to be able to do this when you were little, but at least you get to do it now. Better late than never?

I’d like to add that I think being rebellious is a wonderful quality, and I very much identify with this myself. It’s crucial for me to be able to take a stand in that sense of, “this is my body, my life, my food, and I get to do whatever I want.” (That is, what I truly want rather than always what my automatic, cue-driven addictive desire wants).

By continuing to return to that truth, you embed your “adult” self and make it more and more real.

Let me know if you have any questions.

[Esther]

Hi Gunici & (Gillian)
I have done this course before and am glad I am still enrolled after falling back into old habits ….
I just wanted to thank you for giving me a thought that (is probably glaringly obvious ) has finally resonated with me, this being I have the freedom of choice to eat as much OR as little as I want.
Although I am not eating perfectly (according to my old rules) I think this is good as I am certainly not overeating for now.
It really is helpful to be enrolled for a year as different experiences can really help the way I see things !

[Gillian]

Good to read this – thanks for posting, Esther.

Can you say what it was that finally clicked for you?

If not, never mind, but I thought others may find useful.

[Esther]

Hi Gillian
What really clicked and oddly I was about to add is that it really really gave me the whole picture of freedom of choice, I’ve always understood I can eat as much as I want but maybe never actually grasped it until it was written or stated with the other half of the conversation – I hope this makes sense !
It’s also taken me a long time to not be so hard on myself and accept I can drop all my self imposed rules (if I want to )
For me the process is a slow long one, but for now I do actually feel a greater sense of freedom and have a small understanding that eating what I want is not necessarily everything in the house just because I “can”. I understand the effect constant eating has on my mental health and this is rather refreshing .
I have also been able (and I never ever thought I could ) to manage to fast for 16 hours for the last three days, for me I fully believe this has helped give me clarity about what to eat not to overeat, for now it is not a medical emergency if I don’t shove something into my mouth the first thing in the morning.. For now I am not obsessing about food, the fasting idea has taken the “what shall I eat for breakfast” ( and this inevitably turned into one long continual eating day) idea out of the equation therefore reducing stress. It was always for me about eating less …
sorry bit of a ramble there 😳

[Author]

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