- This topic has 15 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by Julia R.
May 29, 2020 at 12:41 pm #7694OlinaParticipant
Since starting the course and making my way through the material (and re-reading Eating Less) I’ve been overeating more than ever.
I LOVED the motivation section and immediately stopped weighing myself. Then this week think I may have misunderstood the choice bit – I keep reminding myself “I have the freedom to eat this… so I might as well!” and then I go ahead and eat it. I’m eating a lot more and a lot more unhealthy things. I HAVE been telling myself that I chose to do this and that I chose the consequences.
I think I’m missing something crucial. I did just stop an overeating episode midway today by asking “How will I feel after eating this?” so perhaps that’s one of the things I have been forgetting.
I also a bit worried (terrified, actually) about having to sit with the discomfort in the “desire” component of the course. I’m not very good at distress tolerance in general.
Any advice would be much appreciated!
May 29, 2020 at 1:03 pm #7696GillianModerator
Olina, it’s not at all unusual to be eating more at the start of this course, and I even state this right up front in the first few lines of my web site: eatinglessonline.com You’ve been using one way of thinking with food and now you’re taking on another – BUT we’ve only just begun, so it’s not likely to be fully operational at this point.
Mostly, it will help you to be willing to be on a learning curve. Already you’ve learned that asking, “How will I feel after eating this?” helped you to eat less. Your own experiences will be worth 10 times anything I can say, if you pay attention to and remember them.
As you’ve got involved in the material for Week 2, why not look at the “Solution” and “To Do” suggestions? You might discover another concept that will make a difference.
As for discomfort and desire, I’m going to go into that later on in the course. It doesn’t help anyone for me to explain content here that I’ll be addressing in Week 3 and/or 4.
May 29, 2020 at 1:16 pm #7697OlinaParticipant
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly with some reassurance. Sorry if I sounded panicky! You’re right, it’s a learning curve, I’m willing to accept that.
I will look at the Solution and To Do suggestions now.
May 29, 2020 at 1:50 pm #7699GillianModerator
May 29, 2020 at 3:09 pm #7700OlinaParticipant
Just watched The Solution and More Solutions and wow… I think I see what I was missing! I may have been giving myself the freedom to eat, but I certainly wasn’t OWNING MY CHOICES!
I think perhaps I was telling myself “Well Gillian says I can eat anything… so it must be ok to eat everything.” I was giving away all my power, not taking responsibility for my choices, and not making HONEST choices.
Brilliant! I feel a little foolish for jumping the gun now and asking for help too soon, but I really was struggling there. This material is so nuanced, but when you get it – wow! Thank you for your patience 🙂
May 29, 2020 at 4:16 pm #7701GillianModerator
It’s entirely possible that someone else will read this through and get some benefit from it. That’s why it’s better to do a forum than individual emails. So thanks for bringing it up.
I’d bet good money you’re not the only one who has been eating more at the start of this course.
May 29, 2020 at 5:51 pm #7703guadalupeParticipant
Hi! Here its me eating more since I´ve started the course. I´m at the point that sometimes I ask myself and stop eating, but mostly of the times.. I´m eating not specially good food to me (I have sibo and lactose intolerance) and… at the same time Im eating it I´m Im asking myself why Im doing this. Im going to check what Gillian said before about looking at solution and to do suggestions. It help me to think that Im on a learning curve, and Im not going to be the rest of mylife with this overating. So at the moment… I´ve to be patient to wait, 2 more weeks to have more tools to learn. thanksss You are not alone Olina!
May 30, 2020 at 1:32 am #7717lara wParticipant
I’m having the exact same problem, so thank you for creating this thread!
May 30, 2020 at 10:59 am #7722OlinaParticipant
Thanks Guadalupe and Lara, I’m glad I’m not the only one!
I did MUCH better yesterday. Asking myself “How will I feel after eating this?” before I eat was definitely missing before.
The other thing was taking responsibility for my choices. I have the freedom to eat anything and everything, but I also have to live with the consequences. Seeing the whole picture of overeating – not just the fun tasty bit at the beginning, but the stuffed and guilty feeling for hours after. Thinking about how I am responsible for my eating makes me want to take care of myself with nutritious food in moderate quantities, not to starve or stuff myself.
Recently I’ve been reading/thinking about how to build a stronger sense of self, so this all fits in with that. Only I can be the expert on me, only I am in charge of the decisions I make regarding me.
I made a Plan to have porridge after getting home from work late (it’s filling and easy to digest before bed). On the cycle home from work I asked myself “How will I feel after eating this?” and prepared myself to feel a little hungry after my porridge, remembering how Gillian said that the Desire often shows up at the end of a meal in the form of hunger. I usually come home ravenous and often eat past what I intended to eat, but today I was expecting not to feel full for a while and so was forearmed. I chose this. It worked! I’m so happy I posted.
May 30, 2020 at 11:47 am #7723GillianModerator
Excellent, Olina. I really enjoyed reading this today, and I’m happy you posted too.
You do seem to like the words ‘responsibility’ and ‘taking responsibility’ and they seem to work well for you. Good. But I want to mention that they might have negative associations for some others on this course, and this is why I don’t tend to use them.
As an example, a mother might say to their child, “we’ll get a dog for the family but only if you take responsibility for walking it every day.” This could imply a burden, duty, obligation and (OMG!) commitment. So I just want to acknowledge that spin on these terms, and let everyone know that it’s not my intention to promote that side of it.
So I say, ‘own your choices’ simply to mean ‘include the outcome’.
May 30, 2020 at 8:35 pm #7733Alison MParticipant
I am with everyone on this! I thought I had unhealthy habits already, but in the week right before this course started, and even AFTER the course has started, my eating habits have been EVEN WORSE. Definitely eager to hear how to keep working on my mindset. I can tell this course has the potential to be revolutionary for me . .
May 30, 2020 at 11:28 pm #7734OlinaParticipant
Gillian – yes, I totally get what you mean. I was thinking earlier that there would have been a good reason why you had used the terms “owning your choices”.
I know someone told me to “take responsibility” (or if I told myself I HAD to take responsibility), then I would probably dive head first into a bucket of food in rebellion.
I don’t know why it’s resonating for me so much right now. It feels like it’s coming from a really positive place though, from a place of total freedom and being able to choose, as well as choosing the outcome. I will hold it lightly as an idea as long as it works – no doubt in the long term “owning my choice” will be better!
Alison – me too! I really think this material might offer a way of thinking about and behaving around food that leads to freedom. I’m so glad we have access to the site for a year to help it sink in!
May 31, 2020 at 1:53 pm #7744Julie MannParticipant
Love this thread. Yes, to owning choices and to having freedom and to taking it all lightly. This time through I decided I want to feel peace and ease around my choices, and to remember that I’m actually choosing the path that gives me true pleasure over time.
May 31, 2020 at 7:55 pm #7756Jenny RockeParticipant
Julie – ‘choosing the path that gives me true pleasure over time’ – I love this, thank you! Have made a note to remind myself of this.
June 2, 2020 at 2:42 am #7792lara wParticipant
This thread is very helpful to me. Somehow, taking responsibility for my choices seems a better way to think about “owning my choices.” I was really struggling to understand that term. I know the word “responsibility” may have negative connotations for some, but I like to take responsibility, and for me, it’s a better way of thinking about my choices concerning eating. Just my 2 cents….
June 2, 2020 at 4:30 am #7794Julia RParticipant
I love your statement Julie but like the word “joy” —choosing the path that gives me true joy over time.
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