Holidays. A couple questions for Gillian, thank you

[Bora LeeParticipant]

Do you see the big feast phenomenon that we see on holidays as people making food into the activity of the day? I feel that there is sort of a pressure to overeat, almost as if it’s a moral right/wrong (not that it is in reality, but I feel it subjectively.)

And I’m trying to understand the “what the hell” phenomenon. Because I had it after overeating some at the Thanksgiving dinner and then some the next day. After overeating some for 2 days, I think I lost my personal sense of integrity, and then felt “what the hell” and binged.

I’ve learned to allow myself some overeating or a treat outside times and plans in the past 5 weeks and have done well (compared to my previous perfectionism.) However, I think the overeating I did in the past couple days was beyond what I should have, so lost my personal sense of integrity.

I‘m thinking that when I do allow myself to overeat, that I should not eat much more than my usual day to day as to not lose my personal sense of integrity. Does that make sense?

[GillianModerator]

Hello Bora Lee,

As you’ll see in the Week 6 material (either at 6.1 and 6.2 on the Dashboard or the Webinar for Week 6) this is a matter of managing relapse, and especially breaking the “all-or-none/what-the-hell” mindset. I outline a strategy for this, and if you have questions do let me know.

Your “what-the-hell” mindset kicked in after 2 days of overeating, but it really doesn’t matter when it kicks in – the point is to notice it and challenge the mindset. It’s just a belief, a seemingly convincing argument to do some proper addictive overeating.

Dealing with the holiday season is a big topic and one that affects us all. I’d like to begin the next webinar (our Q&A on December 6th) with some more ideas, including of course, managing imperfections and WTH.

[JaneParticipant]

I’d love some insights on the WTH effect. That is such a huge stickler for me! There is definitely rationalization going on there. I’ve broken what I wanted for myself and then it is off to the races on all the things I don’t want to eat in normal circumstances. Sigh, even writing this I can self diagnose that I have rules and a lack of choice if I think like this.

[JaneParticipant]

I feel like an untrained puppy. How many times am I going to have my nose stuck in the “no-choice” pee? I’m certainly NOT a fast learner.

[Bora LeeParticipant]

Jane, I’m totally with you. How many times have I done this. Thank you, Gillian. I will look forward to the next week’s lesson and appreciate you taking the time to discuss this.

[LouiseParticipant]

Hello Jane, hello Bora, just popping into the forum to catch up, and enjoying everyone’s insights. I’ve been engaged with Gillian’s work since her book got me the other side of a 30 cigarette a day habit, back in 1999, and since 2019 wth the new webinar presentations. I’ve done the course twice,cane was also familiar with the books. I still watch the webinars occasionally too!

what I found is that when I felt impatient with myself for how long it was taking me to implement the ideas, it was often because in the back of my mind, I was hoping for weight loss. I think that whole ‘diet mentality’ is always linked to ‘how quickly can I lose this weight/get to that dress size etc. And if course if you don’t meet your own high standards, you end up beating yourself up!

That’s why, for me, working equally hard on non-weight motivation was a breakthrough, in terms of getting to where I am now, which is very comfortable around food and with my addictive desire, which still emerges occasionally. Everyone’s non-weight motivation is different, but for me, feeling successful was fewer migraines, more energy, less tinnitus, less arthritic pain – things I may not even have noticed previously, when I was just measuring success by looking at the scales, or if I had noticed them, I would have attributed it erroneously to weight loss, rather eating less often, and eating healthier food.

And now, eating like that is just how I live, without feeling restricted or deprived. It’s wonderful!

[JaneParticipant]

Thanks, Louise!

That is so helpful and resonates with what Gillian said in response to another post I wrote about the penny dropping slowly. In fact, your response really brings that home more. For me there is a strong sense of urgency to “get these eating problem over with” and “overcome it” and “get it out of my life.” But that is big picture and also pressurizing thinking that is putting such an agenda on everything I do i.e. if I tackle this little thing, is that my problem over? Has it gone yet?

So I think, drawing from your input, I need to be less obsessed with the destination and look for the benefits in the small changes I am making and just keep it that simple. For example, my next experiment is to not eat such giant evening meals. Will I sleep better? Will my digestion feel better? etc etc.

I’ve been so obsessed with getting this problem over, that I haven’t been focused on the present.

Thanks so much!

[LouiseParticipant]

That’s great Jane! It’s all about lasting change, and that takes time. And look out for rationalisation – there’s a mindset saying ‘once I lose the weight, I can start overeating again!’. I know that’s been a justification for me in the past. I learned so much about how my mind works on the course,sounds as if you are doing so too, and that makes such a big difference.

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