- This topic has 13 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by Vee B.
February 12, 2019 at 3:39 pm #1988FionaParticipant
Hi all. Just wondering if anyone is like me? Love the idea of choosing but find myself obsessing about food at the moment. Lots of ‘just this one last time’ thinking and making decisions on food on the basis of what I think is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Get the idea of choice on an intellectual level but how do you internalise it and start ‘living’ it?
February 12, 2019 at 8:03 pm #1989Ellen WattsParticipant
I get what you’re saying and I think it’s a long process of talking yourself through it – what is/are good or bad foods and how do you decide what’s good and bad food . I tend to thing in an absolutist way I.e. good/bad, black/ white right/wrong, healthy/unhealthy. Perhaps you need to be aware and to think it through or talk yourself through it – for me I write it down and try to understand it all that way. I’m not the expert though, but that’s my view ?
February 12, 2019 at 8:03 pm #1990Ellen WattsParticipant
Think not thing ?
February 12, 2019 at 9:59 pm #1991LizParticipant
Fiona, I get what you’re saying and have similar questions.
I almost want someone to just choose a meal plan and make me eat it for better health! I make plenty of decisions (diet soda) that I know aren’t good for me, but need to realize I’m CHOOSE the outcome.
I agree with ellen that maybe writing it down is a good idea? I feel like then you can narrow it down with a small change?
February 12, 2019 at 10:50 pm #1993Ciara ZParticipant
Hi Fiona, I totally understand what you mean. I love the idea of choice, but I seem to be having problems with it. If I don’t eat some chocolate in the evening I feel deprived. But if I eat it I think I’ll never be healthy. I’m constantly in a weird cycle of trying to assert my freedom of choice by proving to myself that I can eat because it’s my choice, and then overeating and regretting it. I can’t seem to find a middle ground and I’m scrutinizing all of my choices. I think I need to grasp the concept of choice properly
February 13, 2019 at 10:13 am #1995Vee BParticipant
hi all. Ciara, I SO recognise what you’re saying, and it shows for me by buying in food that will hardly ever be a good choice for me in that when I eat it, I seem unable to just eat a little and move on (chocolate, chips etc….). I want to feel I am entitled to make any choice I like, but I have a somewhat developing awareness (both from the course and from Gillian’s ‘eating less’ book) that for me, a degree of forward planning (viz, don’t buy the perilous stuff in to start with) might be a better bet for me.
February 13, 2019 at 6:21 pm #2001VictoriaParticipant
I think I have made a breakthrough! After 25 years of living in compliance or rebellion I have finally found that third place – the neutral ground. I have read Gilliam’s books and in the past I have told myself that I had a choice but I still felt as though I had to make the right choice and it wasn’t okay to pick the unhealthy option, which isn’t really a choice at all. That’s like saying, ‘you can chose as long as it’s the healthy option’. Quite often I would begrudgingly comply with my rules and be in a right strop with myself. To me it feels like an internal battle with myself and I get really annoyed that I can’t have something I want because of rules I have decided to live by. Sometimes I have been in the honeymoon period of compliance and I would make the right choice and it felt okay but I had to make a real effort to avoid that food because it brought up feelings of deprivation so I would distract myself and pray that the offending item was out of my line of sight quickly – I wasn’t really okay with it. I remember one particular day with my family who all fancied an ice-cream on a day out. I was in a right strop with myself as I had told myself that I wasn’t allowed one and I physically turned away so I couldn’t see them and I felt a strong sense of deprivation, like I was really missing out – I was really hacked off that day! All that happened was I ended up binging later, eating much more than the single ice cream that I had missed out on. I felt so bad for breaking all my rules so I gave myself a really hard time, then I tightened the reigns even more because I believed that my problem was that I wasn’t strict enough with myself and it was being too soft with myself that got me into this mess. I wish I could say that this was a one off but this is how I have been living for about 25 years – worryingly I am only 36.
But last night was very different. We went out for tea and I ordered a steak and I could have had chips or a baked potato. I was with my family and they opted for chips. This time I told myself I could have chips if I wanted, I really could and it would be fine. I reasoned that a jacket potato would be better for me and have more nutrients in but the choice was mine to make. I didn’t have to force myself down that route, it was up to me. My other half ordered a pint of lager and I considered getting a gin and tonic and again I reinforced the idea of choice, that there were no rules to follow. I opted for a jacket potato with my steak and a water but this time was different. There was no internal struggle, no reluctant compliance, no strop, no comparison-itis (comparing mine to what everyone else has and feeling short changed) – I was genuinely okay with it. Later on, we had some chocolates, my favourites too and I remembered my freedom of choice and I ate three of them. The old me would have seen this as a violation of my perfectionist rules and I would have made myself feel incredible guilty and I would have ended up eating all the chocolates I could and probably more because my thought process would be along the lines of ‘I’ve already blown it so why not?’. But last night, whilst reinforcing this idea of choice and the freedom to overeat if I wanted to and I stopped at 3 chocolates because I had had enough. I also told myself that I could always get some more tomorrow if I really wanted to and that would be okay. I can’t remember ever not finishing a treat that I was eating – that really was a first. I let the rest of the family finish my share and I didn’t feel deprived or annoyed, I was absolutely fine with it. I feel like that is a huge step forward for me so I am over the moon about that 🙂
February 13, 2019 at 8:01 pm #2004EstherParticipant
Victoria that sounds great for you! Progress for me is very slow, I am finding that I must focus on the small positive steps : I am not eating the minute I get up, but struggling with the afternoon evening sessions ..
I have just left slimming world after losing and putting on (again, same old cycle), so getting all these old habits and a little more kindness to myself is really difficult. I’m trying to remember Gillian saying it won’t all happen straight away, and I think grasping the concepts may take time ..I am the all or nothing girl after all ! I need to be more patient with myself.
I am also with you ciara – I go into a shop and think oh yes I’m free to eat it so I’ll buy it and just have some – and then end up eating most of it and hating myself for it … having just watched the latest video what stood out was the suggestion of remembering AFTER I’ve binged that it was my choice to do it, and how it’s made me feel…
February 13, 2019 at 8:14 pm #2005VictoriaParticipant
Thanks Esther. I think you are right, it will take time and Gillian says you need all three themes as a foundation to work from and we are only on theme number two, so number three could be a huge help for you so don’t worry. Yes, I get where you are coming from about getting off the dieting mindset, I’m exactly the same, all or nothing. Choice has always been an issue for me and i came across Gillian’s book years ago but I could never grasp the concept. I realise now that I just told myself I could choose but didn’t really believe it. Hopefully the penny has finally dropped for me. I wactched the Ted talk again which I found really helpful too. We will get there 🙂
February 15, 2019 at 9:52 am #2080GillianModerator
Good to read this thread, especially,
“I can’t remember ever not finishing a treat that I was eating – that really was a first. I let the rest of the family finish my share and I didn’t feel deprived or annoyed, I was absolutely fine with it.”
February 15, 2019 at 5:16 pm #2096VictoriaParticipant
Thanks Gillian, it’s huge progress for me
February 17, 2019 at 11:39 am #2103Vee BParticipant
Victoria, I loved your post – it was very inspiring to hear of your changes in approach and good payoffs. I think, maybe like Esther, my progress is v much baby steps. But they are there, which is good. I decided that change by degree is what I’ll aim for, so rather than buying in family sized bags of chocolate I have gone to one standard (50g) bar. I’ve also – as I have NO idea what constitutes a ‘usual’ sized meal, had a go at eating half what I dish up for myself and then waiting for a while before the other half, in case what I originally ate was enough. Seems it has been. The biggest gain over the past week for me is having some gas left in the tank at the end of the day – last night was dancing for half an hour at home before going to bed, so a LOT more energy available than usually results after masses of carbs and sugary stuff.
February 17, 2019 at 11:44 am #2104GillianModerator
Vee – brilliant!
March 2, 2019 at 6:55 pm #2314Vee BParticipant
So this week has been one of variation for me. On two evenings I have coached myself past the temptation to overeat, using the MP3 and times/plans. I was interested to note how the urge to eat waxed and waned over time, and in hindsight about 10 minutes of it was the worst bit, with gradually ebbing urges for around 20 minutes after that. And then it went away. I hadn’t expected that.
But there have been several other times when I haven’t managed to ride out the addictive desire. On those occasions I have gone ahead and eaten, but tried to moderate how much food goes in. Fairly successful with this, though the day overtaken with peanuts and chocolate wasn’t such a winner.
Feel like some progress is happening, and trying (as others are, I note from posts) to moderate any perfectionist tendencies. One of my main aims is to go to bed without a distended, painful stomach – I am gradually having more evenings when I do manage this. But it’s not very consistent as yet.
How is it going for others?
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