“I don’t have to” – can I believe this?

Home Forums ELO Forum “I don’t have to” – can I believe this?

  • This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 1 day ago by Christy J.
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    • #16062
      Christy J

      Today in the seminar I asked how to shift from “have to” to “want to” and Gillian said it would be better to shift “have to” to “don’t have to.” Ohhh. She then asked if I found that scary and I responded yes and added “and not credible,” which I didn’t explain and it apparently wasn’t clear. My point was I wouldn’t feel credible to myself if I told myself, “I don’t have to” because, darn it all, I feel I DO have to. So I’m stuck in a bit of a loop – I get that this is where the shift could happen, or even *must* happen, but can I surrender to that belief, hope, assurance? My current thinking is that I’ll apply the “for now” piece and see if that helps.

      Gillian, I apologize for not being clear and then having to leave the seminar early for a prior commitment.

    • #16067


      No apology needed – this is a great question, and for others too.

      First is the difference between a feeling and a belief. You feel that you have to because you believe that you have to stop overeating. Change the belief and the feeling follows.

      In order to change the belief, the concept to grasp is that a freedom to take actions that will (or could) lead to disastrous, very much unwanted outcomes can still be a freedom, an option that is available to you.

      For example, do you HAVE TO get out of bed in the morning? Do you HAVE TO brush your hair? Do you HAVE TO drink any water?

      This is a matter of acknowledging your essential freedom to eat or not to eat – at any moment in your life.

      If you want to (and anyone else reading this) post three examples of things you HAVE TO do (have no choice about at all) and three examples of things you DON’T HAVE TO do. None of it to do with eating or overeating.

      And yes, the “for now” concept will help.

    • #16068
      Christy J

      Oh, this is super juicy and helpful, Gillian!! Thank you.

      I’m going to take this fabulous exercise very literally.

      HAVE TO
      Drink (eventually or I’ll die)
      Go to the loo (eventually or I’ll die)

      Follow federal, state, or local laws
      Pay taxes
      Check my email

      I love this so much! It’s actually hard to come up with “have to” things. 😊

      • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by Christy J.
    • #16070

      Brilliant 🙂

    • #16071
      Christy J

      Now I realize my “HAVE TO” items above aren’t true, either, they all represent “or I’ll die” consequences.

      HAVE TO

      That’s the only one!! OMG

    • #16084
      Cyndi B.

      Great question and thread, and I especially like the conclusion in your last reply, Christy.💀
      Thanks, Gillian, it’s a helpful exercise for considering how the same personal motivation and choice (agency) play out in other areas of our lives..
      love how this gets at “it”.

      For me..
      -I don’t have to check in on family
      -I don’t have to floss
      -I don’t have to go to bed


    • #16087
      Christy J

      Thanks, Cyndi, I’m glad you liked it. I loved yours, especially the last two lines! You don’t have to go to bed but you can if you want to. 😃

    • #16098

      I love this thread too!

      I Don’t have to do the housework
      I Don’t have to work
      I Don’t have to get up in the morning

      Christy, you’re right.
      i have to die one day and that’s out of my control!

    • #16133
      Trudie B

      Great thread, thanks Christy, Cyndi, Natalie & Gillian

    • #16157
      Christy J

      I’m glad you like it, Trudie, and belated thanks, Natalie, for adding your list! 😊

      This thread is inspiring me write a list of 100 “I don’t have to” statements, a cool journaling technique. The idea is to write without stopping, repeating if that’s what it takes to keep going. Thanks for the inspiration!

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