I have a four legged stool

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    • #10320
      Jane
      Participant

      Hi all and Gillian,

      The way I see this course is there are the three legs of the stool: Working with desire, motivation and choice and then there are all these strategies and skills that help put those legs in place such as: Having a growth mindset, taking baby steps, noticing resistance and rebellion, learning to be more flexible and practicing imperfect.

      Doing this course I have realized that working with the addictive mindset is every bit as important to me as working with the desire. I really truly believe these rationalizations that I tell myself. If I believe them I don’t even get as far as working with the desire. And I have so many “real” rationalizations that its a little scary (I might ask a question about this in the Q&A webinar).

      So I feel like I have a fourth leg on my stool that is every bit as foundational as the other three legs.

      So I really need to think about how to work with these rationalizations. Maybe it will be as simple as allowing the desire in the face of them and proving them wrong, but maybe not.

      Just putting this out there!

      Jane

      PS. Before this course I didn’t think of my rationalizations as rationalizations – I thought of them as beliefs and many of them as fundamental truths. Thinking of them as rationalizations is so much more helpful and empowering.

    • #10321
      Gillian
      Participant

      Jane, the addictive mindset is a part of addictive desire, even though I speak about it in a separate webinar.

      And yes, it is a matter of working through desire with curiosity about the validity of the mindset. “Can I get this work done without snacking?” can only be turned around in the doing of it.

      Not necessarily proving them wrong – there may be some you decide to keep using, and regard as worthwhile – at least for now and maybe for ever.

    • #10331
      Jane
      Participant

      Ah, I think I get that. The addictive mindset can lead to the desire or support a desire that comes up. So I can have the thought “Help, I have a huge deadline – I can’t cope” and in rolls the desire to stuff. Or, I can feel the desire, and rationalize it with “Oh, I can’t deal with this right now because I have a deadline.”

      Either way, the real issue is the desire and how I choose to work with it: owning choice and recognizing my reasons to eat and not eat.

      I don’t have to complicate the stool with an extra leg. But, offline so to speak, away from the desire, it may serve me to work through some of my rationalizations.

      Thanks!

    • #10337
      Gillian
      Participant

      It seems to me that we experience our addictive desire in many different ways; sometimes the addictive mindset shows itself more, and sometimes it’s not at all obvious to us. Maybe we can only discern it on reflection later on – and perhaps not even then!

      It’s like the different ways you experience a person, say, your husband. You speak with him on the phone and that’s very different from when he gives you a hug. But he’s still the same entire person, with a voice and arms, etc.

      Hope that helps.

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