- This topic has 15 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 9 months, 4 weeks ago by Julia R.
August 11, 2020 at 6:40 pm #8974LizParticipant
I got the honor to speak with Gillian this morning in a one-on-one session.(and she was patient with my 3-year old interrupting!)!
I told her about my frustration that no matter what I read or learned in the day, that my desire was still a “10” at 10pm, even on vacation when my routine was thrown off.
The habit is ingrained and I told her I believed it’s just who I thought I was! It was part of my DNA! Eating cereal and ice cream and candy was just something I automatically did, and all my learning from the day didn’t click at that time of night.
She pointed out to me, that this problem is ridiculously simple! I have a strong MINDSET issue, but I cannot see it. My desire will never go away. It’s just learning to deal with it, work through it, and even embrace it. I can’t make the changes earlier in the day but during the moment. It’s the breaking of the habit in the moment that will do the trick.
I have the addictive mindset at that time of night and the addictive mindset will send me every reason and excuse under the sun for me to fulfill it.
My work to do is to recognize and point out the illusions at the moment. I’m in an “altered state of mind” during that time of night when the A/D kicks in, and even just recognizing the “BS” that my mind tells me will help. Nothing else matters in that altered state. I’m not rational and using my higher brain to say “HMMM…cereal may give me a tummy ache. Never mind.” I need to EXPECT this mindset.
The lines of reasoning/excuses that come to me to encourage me to give in say “I didn’t eat that much today”, “I can make it fit my macros”, “life is more fun eating fun things”, “I deserve a break”, “I can’t sleep until I fulfill this desire”, “I exercised a lot, so I can have what I want”, “I’ll work on this tomorrow”.
I wasn’t born wanting to eat cereal and treats at 10pm, so this is NOT who I am. It’s just a habit.
I’m grateful for this insight into my brain. I’ve given into the addictive mindset for so long that it was hard to see it in myself.
My goal is to stay single-minded on this program, without rubber-necking to new, shiny, different things. To a new plan, diet, or something that seems quick and easy (which never is!).
My goal is to focus on the HEALTH benefits of eating well, especially aging well and having the energy to keep up with my active family. My goal is to be able to have one cookie without triggering a binge. To notice and laugh at the addictive mindset that then tells me “I may as well eat the whole bag.”
There’s much more insight, but for me, I needed to write this out to solidify some of my learnings, and hopefully help anyone else! xo
August 11, 2020 at 6:57 pm #8975Julie MannParticipant
So helpful, thanks for sharing Liz!!
August 11, 2020 at 10:01 pm #8976Renée LParticipant
I love this and can completely identify with what you shared about your mindset. Sometimes I feel so “beat down” by my brain and how it thinks; yesterday was a particularly hard day for me in my head (very critical and body obsessed) so your post is perfect timing for me; thank you for sharing!
August 12, 2020 at 4:03 am #8977Julia RParticipant
Our Q&A on July 19th, one hour and 15 min approx into that session, Gillian shared the following (this is not a perfect transcription of her words cause I am always working at not being perfect):
“Wanting to eat, not working thru the desire, wanting to eat anything without the negative outcomes—the process of resolving that conflict is what takes me somewhere. Like a car spinning its wheels in the sand, thinking if I do this new diet or change my carb intake—always trying to do anything other than resolving that conflict. IT IS THE AVOIDANCE OF THAT CONFLICT- THAT IS WHAT SHE THINKS OF TAKING A STAND. Taking a stand in that experience of desire. And saying wait a minute. I don’t want to go down that road. I am going to chose something else. I am going to do something else. The way I do that is working thru the desire. If I have done it before, then I know it is possible. The idea is to build on that. It’s something for me to learn. It is here. It is on the website. That’s a big learning open to me. This is the whole entire point. If the Addictive Desire could be avoided or removed, I would be out of a job! There would be no point in me saying any of this, none of it. The hours of video, client stories, times and plans, understanding free choice and not feeling deprived. The whole conversation would be pointless, useless if it wasn’t for that one feature. I have an Addictive Desire to eat more food than I actually need. And it is not because I need to go into therapy or because my glucose isn’t regulated.”
This was a turning point for me, a huge turning point. Even though I adore Gillian, I do not want to be taking this course next year or five years from now. One thing I thought of….If I was a millionaire I would pay a million dollars to be at peace with food! I can’t do that. But Gillian has offered me a gift worth a million dollars to me! What I need to do is: stop avoiding the addictive desire. Take that Stand. She also said it would not take months and years, but days and weeks. That is when it all changed for me.
I wanted to share this. Consider listening to the Q&A if this resonates with you. I can honestly say I am at peace with food and where I am with it all!! Yesterday I went thru a legal deposition which has been a lot of work and stress for weeks. A friend suggested we celebrate having an ice cream. We did that and I enjoyed it. In the past, regardless of having a desert elsewhere I ALWAYS came home and had my treat. Last night I did not. That is new. I had difficulty sleeping and thought of getting up. But told myself I am not getting up to eat. Of course, I knew I could do that but I chose not to. That is what I use to do. My husband recently brought ice cream in the house so typically I would have had that late at night. At this point I have had no interest in having the ice cream in the freezer. That is a new behavior for me too. I may have one sometime but it is not on my mind.
You All Can Do This! I took this Stand and stopped avoiding the conflict and in days it all changed for me!
Thanks Liz for posting this and taking a stand for yourself in have a session with Gillian!
Go Girls Go!!
August 12, 2020 at 10:06 am #8978Julie MannParticipant
Julia, I LOOOOVE this, “This was a turning point for me, a huge turning point. Even though I adore Gillian, I do not want to be taking this course next year or five years from now…But Gillian has offered me a gift worth a million dollars to me! What I need to do is: stop avoiding the addictive desire. Take that Stand. She also said it would not take months and years, but days and weeks. That is when it all changed for me.”
I once had a teacher who said “change can happen in an instant” – and I remember she then snapped her fingers right after. And in this Q&A when I heard Gillian say that, I snapped my fingers.
Anyway, so happy to read about your experience with the ice cream and your freedom around food.
And yes, we can all do this!
August 12, 2020 at 10:51 am #8979LouiseParticipant
Julia, thank you so much for posting. It crystallises what I have learned too.
It has taken only a handful of very powerful engagements with my AD to put me out of danger of overeating. One memorable one was when I was on my way to bed with a cup of herbal tea when I automatically picked up a satsuma from the fruit bowl. In that instant, I knew it was my AD, and that the satsuma was a healthy substitute for the biscuits I used to have.
I stopped in my tracks and fully welcomed and engaged with my AD. Talking aloud, I went through the 5 stages and realised that it was my choice, but that feeling the desire was preferable to struggling to fight and control my desire to overeat, as I have been doing since I was a child.
I have worked through my AD since then, and welcomed it, but it has never been as powerful, and often it just flickers out when I attend to it. In my ‘new tradition’ of cooking and eating healthier food, I feel more alive, more connected than ever. I can say with confidence that I have really ‘got this’ and I know I will always have the tools to Take a Stand and confront my AD whenever it pops up. If you are still looking for another answer, I would say, don’t. Stick with this course, do the materials and listen to Gillian because it will get you where you want to be.
20 years ago, I stopped smoking thanks to Gillian. I’ve now beaten overeating too. My debt to Gillian is literally immeasurable.
August 12, 2020 at 3:02 pm #8980LizParticipant
Thank you, all!
I’m so inspired and almost to tears reading your insights. Julia, I’m so happy for you. That piece Gillian shared about the AD NEVER going away and our confronting it is the only way to change is mind-blowing.
I love your ice cream story because I completely relate. If I had had ice cream with a friend, I for sure would feel like I still had to “go thru with” my addictive desire once I got home and to eat all the things.
I am grateful for this program and that we have hope of changing in an instant! A snap of the fingers.
I’m feeling that happen within!
August 12, 2020 at 6:43 pm #8981Julia RParticipant
It is wonderful to read the learning, growth and accomplishments made doing this course! It is great Louise that you have put the pieces together too!
I wanted to share another visualization I had. I thought if someone offered me 1M dollars and this is what I had to do: every time the door bell rang and I answered the door, I had to do 5 things (5 parts of working thru the desire). I did not need to do this perfectly, even 75-90% would be work. I only had to do it for 30 days. Would I take this challenge? My answer is Yes!
I feel Gillian has offered me a gift worth a million dollars! That was a light bulb moment. Paired with my early comments about the Q&A from July. That is how I got to where I am at this moment. For any newbies out there. Please know this is the 3rd time I have taken the course. It was during this course that I actually put weigh loss at the bottom of my motivation list. Always before, I put away the scales but could not stay away. And I really cemented choice. The lake visualization was wonderful, along with the pens. I really get that I can buy, eat, overeat, again and again at any time, several times a day, all days of the week. And I get to own the outcomes! So those two themes were in place—nothing perfect, cause that is not the aim. So then it was just choosing to lean into the addictive desire.
Yes, my debt to Gillian is also literally unmeasurable! That is why I say she deserves a Nobel Prize! All the billions spent on diet books and diet programs! Gillian has it wrapped up into 3 themes! She has poured her heart and sole into this course! And she genuinely cares, doing this for the right reasons and making it affordable!
August 12, 2020 at 6:58 pm #8982Julie MannParticipant
Julia! We share the almost the same name and I second everything you are saying here. Gillian’s work is priceless AND so powerful, AND I’ve taken the course repeatedly growing each time more and more. Way to go!
Louise I’m so happy for your new healthy food traditions.
And Liz your determination and focus is wonderful!!
You are all so inspiring and great!
August 12, 2020 at 8:06 pm #8983Julia RParticipant
There is definitely a Sisterhood with all of this! Not only being inspired, it makes me feel not alone. For example, Liz’ comment about also coming home and doing the addictive routine, even if she just had a desert or was not hungry. I sometimes feel like a freak because of the things I do and hearing someone else do the same things makes me feel more normal. Sometimes we can feel like we are on a island! This forum is so very helpful!
August 23, 2020 at 4:25 pm #9009MoParticipant
Thanks for sharing Liz. It is great too, to hear how others have progressed. Well done to all of you.
I’ve found that it is definitely about progress and not perfection. My journey has taken me on a winding road with quite a bit of back tracking, bumps and falls. But the beauty is we have the tools and can get up and carry on…thank you Gillian.
I’ve also been looking at intermittent fasting from reading the notes in the extras section on strategies. It is very freeing and the science behind it is very promising. I’ve always said I can’t do it but now I know I can if I choose to.
August 25, 2020 at 3:58 pm #9020Julie MannParticipant
Julia I agree, this forum really helps us see that our paths are very similar, we’re all learning and on this messy path of growth together. It’s actually very exciting.
And Mo what a beautiful way of putting it, a winding, bumpy road. The truth is, I’d rather hike on a winding bumpy road in the country where I might have to fall and get back up and backtrack a bit, but have access to all kinds of insights and beauty along the way, than a super clean straight path with nothing interesting and no learning.
August 25, 2020 at 5:42 pm #9023LouiseParticipant
That’s a great metaphor for this journey Julie! I agree.
August 27, 2020 at 9:36 am #9025MoParticipant
Thank you. I just feel it sums up how I’ve gone through ups and downs all my life where eating is concerned.
August 27, 2020 at 9:34 pm #9026LouiseParticipant
Just reiterating Julia’s comments on the webinar of 19 July (I always watch a Gillian webinar at 1.5 speed while doing the ironing!). The sheer amount of information in this webinar is astonishing. And as Julia points out, there is a key section where Gillian really nails down the heart of this course, and that is recognising and working through addictive desire.
August 28, 2020 at 11:43 pm #9029Julia RParticipant
“…always trying to do anything other than resolving that conflict (the addictive desire)”. I remind myself of these words…embracing this conflict is Taking A Stand.
Also, the MP3 player has been so helpful. “…This is the way out”… I highly recommend it, if you are not utilizing it!
As we travel this winding, bumpy road!
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