- This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 7 months ago by Ruth.
February 6, 2020 at 9:23 pm #5307AlexandraParticipant
I started this course a year ago and while i was thinking about motivation i thought: well i can wright the same as last year 🙁 So I looked at my first notes and realized that a part of my goals are my daily routine now. Three mails a day and no snacking in between and especially no sweets in the evening. It’s a kind of new normal. Yeh!
But i still have binges. And i still have stress and fear about food. I want to feel free, have confidence in myself and feeling in controle.
Recently i realized (it felt like a capitulation!) that perfection – striving to perfection- isn’t the way to get free. For years i osccillate between abstinence and binge. And i alway’s thought: i have to cut out the binge. But now i realize i have to cut out the wanting to be perfect! The problem with perfection is, there is no choice! You have to choose ‘perfect’. I see now that my difficulty with working trough desire is beacuase the lack of choice.
And the problem is the all-or-none. After a period of perfect, there is always the swing to binge. All the ‘i can’t have’ foods and resiting it, build up a lot of tension. Recenty i am walking around and think: i can have this, i can eat this etc. It feels insecure, but i also feel the release. It’s the beginning of a choice. Also all the selfmade rules like: alcohol only in the weekend or sweets only at a party. I see now: it doesn’t work. The rebel will always show up, just a matter of time. Having no rules, really all the options open, i understand the importance of it now.
I also realized that i hate the feeling of the addictive desire! The struggle, the fight inside my head, the overpowering, the failures. The desire to get rid of it. And that’s the problem. Not the addicive desire, but the hating it. I have to become friends with it. It sounds so cliché. And Gillian, all i wrote here is nothing new, you tell us every time. But what’s new for me is that i recently understand it on a deeper level. I am hopeful and looking forward to learn more about it and putting it in to practice.
February 7, 2020 at 5:10 pm #5308EstherParticipant
Much of what you say resonates with me! I am doing the course again, rewatching webinars but have found so many things that are maybe sinking in on another watch, I think previously I didn’t probably realise how much of my attention this needs to have an effect & im still getting the perfectionism, I’m finding the non weight based motivation a little difficult because when you do eat less you can’t help but notice a little (and I stress a little )weight lost, and the focus changes so lots and lots of reminders for me to not focus on any loss …
I also notice that maybe in the past I have been in compliance thinking it’s working, but reflection is a good thing.
I know this takes time and I’ve been in this dieting situation for so many years the addictive thinking is there, I just have to practice at facing it and working with it (or accepting it )
Just to remember the three themes is really helping me now, and like you I am looking forward to really putting all my energy into learning more and putting it into practice!
Gillian’s a great support too so she’ll do everything to help if we ask 😉
February 7, 2020 at 11:31 pm #5309RuthParticipant
Hi Alexandra and Esther.
First time for me for the course but I have read all Gillian’s books over and over again and tried on and off to apply the techniques. I’ve realised too that some things have changed as a result.I am much more motivated by health and self esteem now. I am eating meals most days and they are often good food. It’s often the mindless emotional/ tired trancing binges that I have no control of and make me desperate. I had a great moment yesterday when I found myself about to eat straight out of a large zero percent fat yoghurt after a meal. Gillian’s talk of finding it hard to stop eating after a meal popped into my mind. I realised I was thinking it didn’t matter as it was low fat. Then I realised it did matter as I hadn’t chosen it and it didn’t fit in with my plan to stop eating between meals to feel more in control of food and to improve my self esteem. It made me smile to think I had broken the trance and the beginning of a binge that could of gone on for ages and seen all sorts of random stuff in my mouth!
February 8, 2020 at 6:05 am #5310EstherParticipant
It’s a huge breakthrough to break the trance at least once and know you can do it!
Yes I know the trance like eating you’re talking about very well, and you’re also right it doesn’t matter it’s zero percent!
In the past and up to very recently I’ve thought that dieting was the only way for me, but all that would happen was an all day trance like eating affair of eating tons of all that is free on slimming world (because it’s “free “was my addictive justification). I wouldn’t lose any weight and ended up feeling awful about myself constantly.
Stick with the course, there’s so much to learn & look forwards to 👍
February 8, 2020 at 9:57 am #5311GillianModerator
This is a rich and exciting thread; thanks to all of you. I give a great amount of thought to why it takes time and how (perhaps) to speed up that process, but it really is such a very different process for each person and to a large extent each of you determines your own pace. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with that.
One thing I see is that at first people see me describing the landscape in a new way, and with greater detail. Then you go out into that landscape and find you are more aware of what’s happening: the rebellion, the perfectionism, the desire, etc. And then, when you repeat the course, you identify much more with the ideas I’m speaking about. And it resonates strongly enough so you find you can trust it much more.
I do believe that you will primarily learn from your own experience – and not from me!
February 10, 2020 at 8:11 pm #5327RuthParticipant
Thank you Esther and Gillian
I feel much encouraged!
On I go…
February 11, 2020 at 3:39 pm #5330NicolaParticipant
I’m on my second time through the course as well and am finding it is going in at a much deeper level also. I’ve been trying to think about why this is. Here is my current theory. I like to understand things, and because it takes 6 weeks to go through the course and hear Gillian laying everything out, the intellectual basis for how it all works, it wasn’t until the end of the course that it all clicked for me intellectually. Therefore, now that I have an intellectual grasp of the whole course, I am finding that the practices that Gillian is suggesting go in at a much deeper level because my brain understands how and why they will work. For example, I have just been applying the practices from Week 1, and they’ve been incredibly impactful. Just really simply reminding myself constantly of my non-weight benefits, and then remembering to ask myself “how will I feel when I’ve eaten this?” before I shove anything in my mouth. Amazing! Yet I missed the depth and impact of these simple practices the first time round. I really struggled to make them feel “real” to me. I think the first time around I was experiencing a lot of “compliance” but this time around it feels much more deeply-seated because I get why we’re doing it, and I feel totally at peace with my choices. And in between eating choices I’m getting on with my life and not obsessed with food 100% of the time.
February 15, 2020 at 8:45 am #5360RuthParticipant
I know what you mean Nicola.
I think I have been intellectually thinking this through for a long time with Gillian’s books. I love to understand theory. I re-read Eating Less before the course started ( compliance – Gillian said it was helpful to do!) and despite doing all the book exercises etc before in the past it really felt like I could make a long term practical attempt with the support of Gillian and you all ‘webinarers’.
I like that I feel surrounded by people who like to think a lot but are working towards practical satisfying changes. I have felt do desperate in the past.
And Gillian – thank you for the years and years of thought and work that have gone into creating your approach and for being there on the screen to help us put it into practical use.
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