- This topic has 42 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 11 months, 3 weeks ago by Julie Mann.
June 11, 2020 at 11:32 pm #7968Anna DParticipant
I wanted to share my non weight motivation as this has been a bit of an eye opener for me this last week. I normally obsess about what the scales say and judge this as the only possible benefit to eating good food. But this week I have been much more conscious that I feel as if I have more energy, I feel brighter when I wake up and my hip that used to hurt every morning is no longer hurting at all. Before this course I just wouldn’t have even thought about the non weight benefits. I’m feeling motivated 😊
June 11, 2020 at 11:57 pm #7969KyleneParticipant
Great job, Anna!
June 12, 2020 at 9:37 am #7974GillianModerator
Good to read this, Anna, and thanks for posting this.
See if you can identify (and remember) what it was you ate less of in order to get these benefits. No need to post here, but important for you to know.
June 13, 2020 at 3:56 am #8002Erin HParticipant
Thank you for sharing! It’s a good reminder and I find it encouraging!
June 16, 2020 at 7:41 pm #8068Jenny RockeParticipant
An unexpected benefit for me I’ve noticed this week is that pain in my knees has disappeared. I had thought the pain was caused by excess weight, but I haven’t lost any significant amount of weight yet – so the change has definitely been caused by a change in eating habits, rather than weight.
June 16, 2020 at 7:48 pm #8069Renée LParticipant
Yeah to all of us!
For me, waking up HOPEFUL and at peace has been my unexpected benefit. Normally I would start my day in fear and dread. Now knowing that I have a solution that I can choose to practice as I see fit, as well as answers as to WHY I was driven to engage in certain harmful eating behaviors despite “knowing better and having every intention of changing”.
Plus Gillian’s reminder that we don’t need to be perfect; we only need to practice if that is what we choose to do. So freeing!
June 16, 2020 at 9:44 pm #8070Anna DParticipant
So good to hear all your non weight benefits, really helps to stay motivated and not be ruled by the scales. I am noticing also how I am not feeling so tired in the afternoon and my mood is much improved too.
June 24, 2020 at 12:57 pm #8230Ivana PParticipant
I’d like to share some observations regarding changes in my attitude towards non-weight motivation; these certainly came as a result of this programme. Earlier, when I was overeating, I did not pay much attention to how bad my body was feeling. I simply did not register bodily sensation (they were certainly present!), as I was focused on my feeling of guilt, disappointment, self-accusations, “you did it again!”, and similar unkind things.
Now, when I overeat, I am more aware of the feeling in my body, heaviness and discomfort in my stomach. I also feel how I am overfilled and how difficult I bear the amount of what I’ve eaten. As a result I am more concious about the unpleasantness of the consequences of overeating, and I do my best to be kind to myself in my inner dialogues. I include this “new awareness” in my “working through” my addictive desire. So far, it’s working!
June 24, 2020 at 1:03 pm #8231Julie MannParticipant
What a great and important thread. I actually write down 3 NSV’s daily just to keep myself in this conversation and I’ve taken to doing it both in the morning and the evening.
I love reading all of your discoveries, they underscore many of my own. Renee waking up feeling like I’m in my integrity has been huge for me. And Ivana, noticing how overeating makes me feel, without judgment, just saying “Oh it’s kind of heavy in my stomach, uncomfortable, and it definitely didn’t help ease my stress…” also softens my stance and allows me to get right back to eating less.
June 30, 2020 at 12:00 pm #8306LouiseParticipant
Just sharing an insight from shopping yesterday. I was in the ‘bakery’ aisle, and accepting my addictive desire for all the cakes and scones on offer. I have often bought these and eaten them in the car before driving home, but this time I made my peace with my addictive desire to do that, and looked forward to a nice meal when I got home instead.
It really struck me how unhealthy much of the food in the supermarket is, and I felt momentarily angry to see all the people around me being sold stuff that is really terrible for their health in the long term. People with trollies piled high with sweet cereals, baked goods, savoury snacks and processed food, much of it packaged as ‘healthy’, ‘gluten free’, ‘vegan’ etc, when in fact it isn’t healthy at all!
People are often blamed by society for being obese or overweight, but when you see the forces ranged against us in making healthy choices, you have to ask who is really responsible for the ‘obesity epidemic’!
June 30, 2020 at 12:48 pm #8307archieParticipant
Hi Guys..read all the posts and so encourging.. I m yet to identify my non weight motivation..i could possibly relate to Rene`e’s post. I wake up with fear and dread that I will over eat in the evening irrespective of my healthy behaviour all day until i get back from work.I have tried so many strategies to get this sorted.It almost feels like an extremely strong Addictive desire which is too impulsive that i cannot get round to even identify the desire — i act too fast and end up eating the food/snack after my dinner which is so frustrating..
Any suggestions on how to work on developing that pause to consciously activate my PFC activity even before the Limbic system defeats me!!
June 30, 2020 at 1:56 pm #8308GillianModerator
“i act too fast and end up eating the food/snack after my dinner which is so frustrating”
– I assume it’s a considerable amount of food/snack after dinner if you are waking up with fear and dread about it, yes?
– At the time you begin to eat your dinner, are you aware you’ll feel this addictive desire when you get to the end of your meal?
– Is it possible for you to “make your choices in the shops” with regard to whatever it is?
– And/or is it possible for you to keep this food in a place that’s more complicated to reach, so that you at least become aware of your addictive desire before you begin to eat it?
My guess is you’re experiencing strong rebellion against a denial of choice. It would be helpful for us both if you did the exercises in the course to identify that, especially 1.8, 1.9, 2.5, 3.6 and 4.4
As for your motivation, by far the best non-weight motivation is in the form of something you’ve actually experienced, and you won’t have seen that if you haven’t eaten any less yet.
June 30, 2020 at 3:27 pm #8311archieParticipant
Thank you for your reply. Sorry I messaged in 2 different forums.
1.Yes it is indeed..the dread /fear is that I am letting myself down again and that why I am not able to trust myself not to over eat
2 I am almost certain that I will get the desire at the end of my meal on most occassions.
3Yes..interestingly in shops I can be super good and have walked away from temptations (I am a completely different person though at home surpriingly enough (its like double personality!!)
4. A bit challenging with my husband and kids stocking these sorts of snacks every where in house. I have pleaded them to keep them out of my reach and they repeatedly fail to do so. I have at times thrown such foods in the bin and they were not happy about my doing.
5.I must have missed the exercises..i will look at course material again
June 30, 2020 at 4:02 pm #8313GillianModerator
2 I am almost certain that I will get the desire at the end of my meal on most occasions.
– Not quite my question. I was asking if you are aware that you will end your meal with addictive desire at the point when you begin your meal. So, you are just sitting down with your evening meal on a plate, and you remember (or remind yourself) that at the end of this meal you will experience a strong addictive desire to continue.
4. A bit challenging with my husband and kids stocking these sorts of snacks every where in house. I have pleaded them to keep them out of my reach and they repeatedly fail to do so. I have at times thrown such foods in the bin and they were not happy about my doing.
– I’d say extremely challenging. What do they say about you consistently eating all of their snacks? Surely, if you eat them or leave them in the shops, either way, your family don’t get them? Who is actually buying them?
June 30, 2020 at 3:28 pm #8312Renée LParticipant
It sounds like you have a tremendous amount of awareness around the time of the day where you feel triggered most, which is the first step to implementing change! Yeah Archie!
So, start where you are. If you know that finishing dinner cues you to eat more, then practice sitting with the urge for that night only. As Gillian suggests, you can only address reducing the intensity of desire at the moment it is happening. Something new I have been trying since starting her course is to listen to her MP3 on Desire and to actually practice looking for the desire in my body. In the past all of my other strategies were focused on fighting or resisting the urges (which only worked temporarily or not at all). So I will clear my plate, go sit in the other room and listen with my ear pods. I have four kids and a loud house, and even among the post dinner chaos, I have managed to create this new habit!
Some other strategies that I use are post-its as a reminder of my non weight motivation (I want to feel proud, calm around food, a sense of integrity, feeling in control…).
I also take some time to prepare myself before I eat dinner and review the three themes (motivation, choice, desire). After dinner I practice sitting at the table and breathing. Before Gillian’s course I used to rush away from the table, clear my plate, brush my teeth and drink a glass of water. To some degree these are fine strategies and helped me practice pausing and “buying time” before I got sucked into the unconscious actions of just going straight for the food.
But now I know that real change happens by working through the desire and I all I need to do is practice that when it is happening. I’ve started to view dinner time as a chance to heal. I can predict the urges will come and most days I decide to work through it. I can’t rush the process or be perfect each time, but my aim is to address it directly. I know this is easier said and done because at times (like yesterday) I felt like I was going to DIE, the urges were so powerful, so much so that I can forget everything I have learned here and feel like my mind is blank. When this happens, I just remind myself that the path I am on NOW is so totally different, it will just take TIME to learn these new ways. And then I just try again the next time the desire returns.
In the past I have also set a timer to see if I could “stay with myself”. I would set a timer for 90 seconds and use that as a strategy to practice calming myself and then check in again to see if I really wanted the extra food or if it was the “desire” that really wanted it. Sometimes I would get it wrong and just wait for the timer to go off before I ate… or eat before the timer went off, but I never gave up trying different techniques to help move me in the direction of change! I have also used an urge jar, where each time I successfully processed an urge I put a bead in a jar so that I could see my progress and feel good about the actions I was taking to bring about real and lasting change.
Some things I am doing now are to review the notes for this course each morning; at the end of each module Gillian has notes. I printed out all of the notes and review them each morning as a little refresher. I also have a daily planner where I keep my schedule of the day/to-dos, appointments, etc. In the past my planner was very “food focused” and “weight loss focused”. Now I have changed it so that it includes my intention of the day, as well as a review of the three themes. I also have her main questions there so I see them each day: Am I choosing? What’s in it for me? How am I managing Addictive Desire?
As far as non weight motivation goes, could you pick a few of the ideas that Gillian provides, and practice applying them to you? Maybe you could journal or say to yourself: Losing weight is fine, but I also would like to create additional long lasting outcomes such as…and then pick three from her list that she provides. I often use this technique when I feel stuck in my old ways of thinking and want to practice using a new thought to move my brain in a different direction.
Hope this helps!
June 30, 2020 at 4:16 pm #8314archieParticipant
Thank you for sharing Rene`e.
1.No, not at the point when I begin my meal. It happens within seconds of finishing the meal.I see myself dashing to the snack cupboards after the meal and gobble them down.
2.It is my husband who buy them items. He says I should have the control and will power to resist them!
The difference between me and them(kids and husband) is that they dont over eat those snacks!!! where as I do.I cannot resist the temptation if i see those snacks.
I feel defeated repeatedly as i am the one with no will power/ mindset control
June 30, 2020 at 4:25 pm #8315GillianModerator
Are you saying that as you begin your evening meal, you have no recollection at all (no awareness) that you will have this addictive desire and a period of overeating at the end of that meal?
Are you saying that as far as you’re concerned, at the start of your meal, you’re just going to eat what’s on your plate and that will be the end of it?
June 30, 2020 at 4:33 pm #8316archieParticipant
Yes.At the start of the meal I feel that im just going to eat what is on my plate and that will be the end of it (9/10 times i would say). As mentioned, I do sometimes get a feeling that i might over eat at the end of it which i try to blank out and end up eating a lot more invariably. But by and large, most times it is like i am only going to eat what is in my plate ( but fails miserably to do so)
June 30, 2020 at 5:16 pm #8317GillianModerator
I wanted to get some clarity about the degree of unconsciousness around this, and it seems there’s quite a bit. It’s going to be tough to make any changes at all if you aren’t aware of what’s happening at the time.
One step would be to have something to remind you, to help you to become aware of the desire – either when it’s happening or even a bit before it’s going to happen – and you’re the only one who could figure out how to do that.
However, the basis of the problem is your denial of choice, and going unconscious is likely to be nothing other than your way to get free to overeat. It’s been helpful to see the exercises you’ve done today and I hope that’s helped you too, at least in identifying the issue.
Maybe you’re working on it right now, but the exercise at 4.4 will be important – it’s at the bottom of that page, under the video. Email it to me! And I plan to do a demonstration about choice in the Q&A on Sunday.
I have an idea for you to put the snacks in a box with the names of your kids and husband on it (to wake you up). But if you continue to deny choice, you’re likely to stay in a state of rebellion and (unconsciously?) rip the box apart to get at the snacks!
June 30, 2020 at 5:49 pm #8318Julie MannParticipant
Wow Renee, thank you for sharing your process. This is just wonderful and quite inspiring. I love what you said here, “I’ve started to view dinner time as a chance to heal.”
That is such a positive way to see our urges and then working through desire – it can only happen when we have urges/desire so it’s our chance to heal. And they come up for me at my meal times for sure, so every meal is a chance to heal (sorry for silly rhyme).
June 30, 2020 at 6:57 pm #8319archieParticipant
Re reading your post now.. so encouraging.. you have developed great strategies with Gillian’s guidance. Well done. It is a steep learning curve for me and is taking time to process all the techniques. I will be inheriting quite a few of your tips.Thanks again..x
June 30, 2020 at 7:05 pm #8320Renée LParticipant
You are so very welcome.
Please know that I have been working on this (healing the urges) for the better part of a year now and have made slow and steady progress…with a lot of set backs! I am so grateful for having come across Gillian’s work because, in my opinion, her information (research backed and brain based) fills in the “missing piece of the puzzle” that I had been looking for and answers a lot of questions I had around the WHYS of my behavior (why was I acting in ways that I knew would harm me).
Everything I have shared was with the intent of being helpful, and we all have to try whatever works best for us. I am open to hearing other strategies as well and am excited to be on this journey with you all!
July 1, 2020 at 11:10 am #8323LouiseParticipant
Renee, I love your commitment to this approach. Like you, I find myself using a lot of headspace as well as actual time throughout the day to focus on Motivation, Choice and Desire. I am making notes throughout the day and very consciously and deliberately looking for opportunities to work through my desire and to remain be conscious that I always have a choice. And yes – re-running the webinars at every opportunity, for example I listen to them when I am cooking and eating. This is how I think of ‘Taking a Stand’ – really committing heart and soul to Gillian’s approach and seeing it through, no matter what the distractions. it’s definitely my number one priority at the moment.
And it’s working for me. This past week, I have really enjoyed my meals, and starting a new tradition of the sort of things I eat. The tinnitus that had developed over the past two years has virtually gone, and I am getting fewer headaches. I also have more energy and am conscious that when I do become tired, it is because I am genuinely tired, not suffering a ‘sugar slump’.
Thank you for sharing your strategies and experiences.
July 1, 2020 at 12:17 pm #8326Alison MParticipant
Your insights are helpful! Thanks for taking the time to share them!
Are you saying you have been taking a class from Gillian for over a year (ie this isn’t your first class, you are retaking it?) That gives me hope, because I’ve not yet seen the progress I wanted to see. Maybe I just have to expect it to take more time and more practice.
I just did the exercises in 4.6 a few days ago (I am a bit behind, but I am still doing all of the course!), some of what I wrote was:
I eat in an addictive way because I am too lazy to go through the steps Gillian has been teaching us. It’s difficult mental work to talk through the steps and let myself feel the discomfort and acknowledge that welcoming the unsatisfied feelings is the path to change. I’m KIND OF kidding when I say “this is work and I’m too lazy” . . . because in plenty of other areas of my life I’m not averse to hard work . . . but I think this is ACTUALLY a thing for me. I’d rather avoid the hard mental work of going through it. In the moment, why not just keep eating? I find myself asking if I REALLY want to eat less / lose weight even though I KNOW I DO, but IN THE MOMENT, when facing the desire and choosing between action and laziness . . . .the laziness is comfortable.
I choose to eat too much because I am scared that I might really change or scared that I might fail.. This one also seems odd, but in the past week of introspection with Gillian’s steps-to-create-new-pathways, I think this is true of me. I’m scared of two things:
What if I do all these methods and they WORK and then I DON”T GET TO EAT MY FAVORITE FOODS as much? Then HOW COULD I ENJOY LIFE? Hilarious, but my primal brain thinks that.
Also, scared that I might NOT change. Scared that I work really hard to implement these steps and then AGAIN THEY FAIL like so many other strategies (diets/exercise programs) which I’ve tried and failed over the years. In the moment of temptation, I’d rather just stay in my familiar rut (even though it’s plenty uncomfortable: too-tight clothes, feeling fat, etc), than face the unknown of placing my hope in yet another strategy. Logically, I admit this is a brand-new method, with every indication that THIS method CAN enable me to develop a peaceful relationship with food that will last, THIS method should not be lumped into the category of all the other programs I’ve tried and have found didn’t work for me. But in the moment, I overeat anyway because I’m scared to risk trusting that to be true. I think, “What if I REALLY try it and STILL fail? Better not to try and just stay in the familiarity of my habits than to try and fail.”
Well, that is some of what I am currently struggling with–to re-read what I just wrote is a bit embarrassing because it is so illogical. But I do think it was helpful to write it and recognize that is part of the thinking I need to address and change. I love how you are viewing your mealtimes as an opportunity to heal/change. I think I will print some of your post and have it nearby to look over during the day. Also good advice to keep listening to the MP3 often.
July 1, 2020 at 3:01 pm #8329GillianModerator
I see this post of yours is directed to Renee, but here’s something from me. What I want to add is that you are NOT being illogical – far from it. Whenever you project into the future, you inevitably run into trouble: either you fail (bad news) or you succeed (equally bad news).
This is a “choice” issue; you’re forgetting you always have the freedom to overeat – or not. So you fear both “success” and “failure” because you see them as static states, where you’ve made one choice that later on cannot be changed.
I suggest (with any thoughts about what will or might happen with your eating in the future) you adopt an approach of, “Let’s wait and see what happens. If I don’t like whatever it is, I can always make more (better/different) changes.”
July 1, 2020 at 3:05 pm #8330LouiseParticipant
Hi Alison, I really got what you said about being lazy, and also fearful that this approach won’t work. I could really relate to that. I wonder, have you considered whether what you are calling ‘laziness’ could be a justification for continuing to overeat? You say you are too lazy to try out some changes, but that ‘laziness’ also means you can continue to eat the foods that you want to eat less of. Just a thought, because I have found that almost anything can be brought in as justification for continuing to overeat. I have had some truly ridiculous reasons for doing so!
I think, in terms of missing the foods that I love, I see that as a choice – Gillian’s method does not say I can’t eat all those things. I can continue to eat all my favourite cakes, biscuits etc, and I’m free to go back to that way of eating if I want to. There is a price to pay, in terms of my long-term health and various short-term outcomes, such as the headaches and tinnitus I get when I eat a lot of sugar and fat, but I can decide they are a price worth paying. At the moment, though, I’m enjoying the health benefits of choosing to work through my addictive desire instead of eating unhealthy food. That discomfort is also a price I pay for better health, and I find it preferable to the cycle of bingeing and then feeling stupid and guilty for having done so.
Hope this helps! I love this forum as it is so good to compare notes.
- This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by Louise.
July 1, 2020 at 3:59 pm #8332Renée LParticipant
Hi Alison and Everyone!
Thanks so much for your post. In response to your question, Alison, no, I have not been taking Gillian’s class for a year. I realize my post was vague and unclear about this, and I am sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. That was not my intention.
What I should have said was that about a year and a half ago I came across information and techniques for how to dismiss and process urges. That is where I learned about some of the techniques that I mentioned (timer, urge jar, breathing). I did have limited success in using these techniques, but what I realize now that I did not know then, was that the information I had was, although helpful to some degree, incomplete.
Prior to reading her books and taking this current course, I was still using weight loss as a primary motivator and had no clear understanding of Gillian’s framework of addiction and how to apply her 3 Themes to my personal journey.
Although the techniques I mentioned helped me make some progress (I became less fearful of the feelings and learned to sit with them and observe them; this was totally new to me!). The main reason I made limited progress and started backsliding into old behaviors (overeating and bingeing) was because I was still denying Choice, fighting my Addictive Desire and trying to use weight loss as my main motivation. It never occurred to me to do otherwise! This locked me into a negative self-defeating cycle that left me feeling hopeless and confused.
I now have a better understanding of how to “put this all together” (Gillian’s framework plus techniques) to move me further along to create the balance I want with food and my body and especially my mind!
I hope this clarifies everything and sorry for any confusion my previous post may have caused.
I hope I have made myself clear with this explanation.
July 1, 2020 at 4:29 pm #8333Julie MannParticipant
Louise BRILLIANT! So true that my brain gives me the MOST RIDICULOUS reasons to justify overeating. As Gillian says, they are always the most plausible to fit the moment I’m in, and then the next day they are so clearly absurd.
And Renee, thank you for sharing your journey, so helpful and inspiring. And bravo for applying all the tools in your toolbelt.
Finally, to both of you, I too have found that it’s critical to take a stand on all of Gillian’s themes, I revisit the videos. regularly, I cycle through when courses aren’t in session, and I’ve retaken the course to hone in and remind myself of the key points. Also because Gillian keeps finding new and improved ways of explaining things, and I always learn something new. And I find that it applies more broadly to life – feeling all emotions, discomfort, sadness, etc. Noticing other patterns I want to change around spending/saving money and also in my relationships and how I communicate. Such good stuff!
- This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by Julie Mann.
July 1, 2020 at 10:16 pm #8335Alison MParticipant
Louise, Renee, Gillian–this is all so helpful, thank you!
Gillian, your comments are brilliant and have created a real breakthrough for me today–I think. Are you saying that it’s reasonable to be afraid of both success & failure because that fear logically flows from . . . ? Not 100% sure I follow you but I think you are saying: I am assuming that I know (and therefore have cause to fear) long-term consequences of the choices I make now. Also I am assuming that I know what will be the consequences of decisions I make at some point in the future.
But you are saying that it’s a better mindset to not even think about long-term consequences–right? Because it doesn’t help to think through long-term decisions?
Is a better strategy to think simply “If I choose to exert my freedom of choice now to eat this, I’ll also have these (xyz non-weight) consequences, right away/soon. And if I choose to exert my freedom of choice right now to NOT eat this, I’ll then have these different (abc non-weight) consequences, right away/soon. But I can choose either one, and it’s just for now, so who knows whatever success or failure I may have next week or next year. I am just choosing for now. I’ll just wait and see how this plays out and then figure out decisions for the next meal/day at that time. I can always change my mind in the future.”
Is that what you are getting at? Wow, that is really odd. Just so very different from the “default settings” of my thought patterns. This brain-changing stuff is a different type of work and it’s stretching.
Thanks for your patience teaching all of us! You have such insight into how to wrestle with thought patterns and make step by step changes . . . .
July 2, 2020 at 10:05 am #8336GillianModerator
It’s reasonable to be afraid of both success and failure because that fear logically flows from your assumption that you have already chosen your future.
It’s fine to have thoughts about long-term consequences, but better not to dwell on them as if you know for sure that you are locked into any one course of action.
Yes, “I am just choosing for now. I’ll just wait and see how this plays out and then figure out decisions for the next meal/day at that time. I can always change my mind in the future.” Yes Alison, this is what will create a strong sense of freedom of choice for you.
And a very useful sense of curiosity… “let’s see what it’s like to eat a lot less xyz, and if I don’t like it I can always go back to my old ways.”
Without this present-time choosing you’ll feel trapped: damned if to do and damned if you don’t!
July 4, 2020 at 1:08 pm #8338Barbara DParticipant
Hi all. I am also struggling to find non weight loss motivation particularly I think as I am someone for whom weight loss as a motivation works very well for a few months. My pattern over they last few years has been to loose and regain the same 18 lbs. When I am in an overeating phase I put on weight really fast and when I am dieting I lose weight very fast. When I am overeating I tell myself I can very easily lose weight again when I want to. It takes reaching a point where I literally have no clothes that fit to get motivated to loose the weight again. Each cycle is usually a year. Slim in summer for holiday by January no clothes fit. I rarely buy larger clothes. I do buy a lot of clothes that don’t fit even at the time I buy them and feel miserable that I can’t wear them.
So doing this course and reading Gillian’s book has been an amazing revelation. I am working through desire and feeling less out of control with my eating. I think I am recognising choice but most of my motivation if not directly weight related it is indirectly for example I want to be able to wear my nice clothes.
I am wondering if part of my choice is to choose to eat even less so that I loose weight- but this would be a diet.
Do I need to accept my overweight self and buy new clothes. This is very hard for me to accept that this is my size and not waste of money. I suspect buying clothes- ridiculously, a size or two too small is another addiction. I love clothes more than cake!!
Does anyone else get this? I think I have conceptualised the principles of Gillian’s method but I am not “feeling it” yet perhaps I just need to give it time. If I was looking at a friend or family member following my pattern of behaviour around food I would think that breaking that cycle would be a valuable change and this should perhaps be my motivation.
Sorry this is so long. It has actually been quite helpful to me to write it out. Not sure if it should be a new thread but didn’t want to start another on non weight motivation.
July 4, 2020 at 2:13 pm #8340GillianModerator
It would be really useful for me to hear from you if you have more recently rewatched the videos in Week 1 on Motivation. I presented that webinar on May 24th, which is really quite a long time ago – I think so anyway!!! There’s a “Solution” section with things “To Do” about this issue and I wonder if you’ve done any of that and how you found it.
It’s important for me to know if any of it is unclear, or not possible to follow, as then I can make improvements. Thanks!
July 4, 2020 at 4:43 pm #8342MARTAParticipant
I tell you my experience. When I was younger (I am 45) I had two or three different sizes in my wardrobe. When I was thinner (usually in summer) I wore the smallest ones and fatter the largest ones. I’ve bought smaller sizes in order to lose weight until it fits me…. Fortunately, this is a behavior I get rid of many years ago when I get rid of any diets. I worked hard to accept that my body maybe don’t change. And if it changes, I will be able to buy the size which fits me in this moment. I threw away or gave all the small sizes which didn’t fit me. I did the same with large sizes.
I felt so liberated as well as getting rid of diets. I am the same person no matter my body size is. And I am fat. That was a great step for me and getting rid os scale as well. I found my non-weight motivations which I can notice in hours/days… Weight loss is longer to notice. I hope this helps you.
July 4, 2020 at 7:03 pm #8343LouiseParticipant
Dear Gillan and friends
This is a very relevant topic for me as I have found that working very hard on non weight motivation has been very helpful to me? In the past I have overlooked it slightly, but now I know it’s just as crucial as choice and working through desire.
I am already feeling many health benefits, such as fewer headaches, less arthritic pain, absence of tinnitus and having more energy. I write these down daily and dwell on them a lot. They are not to be taken for granted.
I am sort of getting used to these, so I wondered if you could cover self esteem as a non weight motivation in the future please? I find this a little harder to pin down, so some suggestions on developing that for myself would really be appreciated? Thank you!
- This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by Louise.
July 5, 2020 at 9:29 am #8345Barbara DParticipant
Hi Gillian and everyone
Thanks for your responses to my issue.
Gillian, I spent some time yesterday rewatching week 1. I realise I have not given up my strong conviction that I have to lose weight. It is quite distressing for me to suddenly realise what I have been subjecting myself to. I refuse to buy clothes for the size I am now. I threw away everything I used to have that would have fit me now. I am older than you Marta and this has got worse for me as I get older. Yes I used to have a varied size wardrobe now I have a tyrannical one small size and I am not allowed to out grow it. But I have outgrown it.
My sister and daughter have both kindly asked why I don’t buy some nice things that fit but I remember actually saying to my sister- because I need to punish myself.
It’s time to accept the size I am. That is very hard for me to do.
I have a perfect size I need to be. I feel so conflicted about this. It is perfectionism. Except I have failed to maintain it.
But I don’t want to go on yo-yo dieting. That may mean I have to accept the weight I am.
I will try and get some time to myself to re-watch the solutions video today. I think I am doing the things you suggest Gillian. But I realise I am sort of just paying lip service to the non weight loss motivations.
Following on from what Louise says, improved self esteem is so hard to recognise and it is not an instant feed back in the way stepping on the scales every morning is. I have stopped that by the way. It is a journey. I know my non weight loss motivation is out there. It’s obvious to me from what I have written here and that I cannot go on like this.
Maybe it is to be free of this obsession about weight. That’s a big thing to work on though. Quite scary.
July 5, 2020 at 11:56 am #8347LouiseParticipant
Hello Barbara and everyone reading
That was so heartfelt Barbara. Like you, I have been to slimming club
July 5, 2020 at 12:28 pm #8348LouiseParticipant
Oops pressed submit by mistake 😬. I was just saying that I have also focused on weight loss in the past, which was reinforced at Slimming clubs, where everything hinged on loss. Even a loss as insignificant as 1lb would set my mood for the week, which was so silly now I look back. I had friends who would starve themselves the morning of weigh in so that they would show a loss.
I have found that the feedback from non weight motivation is very rapid, like waking up in the morning without a headache because I haven’t eaten chocolate the day before. The other day, someone commented on how healthy my hair looks, which was great as it’s a non weight compliment! My hair does seem a bit thicker and shinier since I stopped eating trans fats and have olive oil or hemp seed oil instead. Those wouldn’t have been allowed at Slimming World, but I know they are much better for me, regardless of whether they will help me lose weight, and being healthy is more important to me than my size.
I have lost a bit of weight, so I packed the clothes that are too small for me away, so I am not tempted to try them on to see if they fit. I wear my larger, looser clothes, elasticated waist etc because if my clothes are at all tight, it makes me focus on my size, which I don’t want to do. That has the added benefit that no one has noticed my weight loss, so I don’t get the pressure that comes with comments and compliments.
Looking forward to seeing you at the webinar tonight, where I’m sure Gillian will shed more light on all of this.
July 5, 2020 at 2:51 pm #8349Julie MannParticipant
This is such an important conversation. Barbara I can fully identify with everything you’ve shared. And I have made it a practice to journal every morning and every evening about non weight motivation. I am not quite able to redirect my brain every time I have a thought about my weight, but this regular practice of noticing the non weight motivation in writing has been very powerful for me. It’s a great reminder that when I eat less I sleep better, feel more in my integrity, trust myself more, have more energy, am in a better mood, am able to get more done all day, am a better parent, girlfriend. I also have more fun in life. It’s all quite priceless. And though weight is still present for me, when I think about the non weight motivation, even just writing it here, I feel an INSTANT boost and realize I get to have those things now at any size and going forward just by choosing the path of feeling well.
July 7, 2020 at 9:33 am #8391Gen SParticipant
I’ve just been listening to the Q&A session where Gillian talks about the non-weight motivation for someone at a smaller size (I think the original question was from someone wanting to get to a size 8). Personally I have stayed around the same size for a long time but my eating has been so out of control. Although I am physically in the healthy weight range, my eating habits are so destructive and upsetting to me. So for me non-weight benefits are huge and they include all the emotional aspects such as feeling in control, feeling proud, no hopelessness after acting in a way I don’t truly want, enjoying social events, not obsessing about what I will and won’t eat, not starting to binge when I eat something forbidden, not hiding away because I have binged and I don’t want to socialise, feeling more energetic.
Because these things occur the same day I find them so much more powerful than thinking about losing the last stubborn couple of kilos. For me, asking ‘how will I feel after I eat this’ is the most powerful tool I have learnt and I find it so useful.
July 7, 2020 at 10:22 am #8393GillianModerator
Thank you, Gen.
It’s great when someone “gets it” and I know it all pulls together and works whenever you’re aligned with those Three Themes.
I don’t know, but I suspect that the person I was speaking to in the Q&A either eats healthy (or fairly healthy) all the time – whether “overeating” or not. Anyway, the point is that if there isn’t a big change in the quality of food, for whatever reason, and maybe not a huge amount in the quantity either, then non-weight benefits may not be noticeable.
To put this another way, you are seeing non-weight benefits very clearly because of the huge change in quality.
July 7, 2020 at 2:42 pm #8395LouiseParticipant
Gen, I have printed your comments out as they are so useful to me in reminding me of some of the ‘softer’ non-weight benefits of eating less. Thank you! These will be really helpful to me.
July 7, 2020 at 2:52 pm #8397LizParticipant
Gen, I completely relate about not changing sizes a ton, so focusing on the non-weight benefits is huge.
For me, I want normal and healthy habits with food, particularly with sweets.
I have kids who see me “go to town” at night eating a lot and past fullness and I don’t want to teach them that.
I also want a GOOD SLEEEP, I want no headaches, and I want to not feel like I have to “make up” for my eating the next day with exercise.
I want to treat my body well and with love.
July 7, 2020 at 7:07 pm #8407Julie MannParticipant
I love these non weight benefits. So good!
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