not perfect but on the way

[Gunici]

Dear Gillian, thanks for the webinar last night. It’s good to be life with you again. It inspired many thoughts in me. In the last few weeks there have been times when I’ve eaten too much. I was grateful that I could tell myself again and again that it was my choice to do it this way. Nobody forced me to do it. And I alone decide to do something I regret later. This is not the eating behaviour I want for myself in the long run, but at the same time it opens up the possibility in me to experiment with food. How do I feel if I eat less in the evening? How do I feel without coffee? Is that what I want?
It is a feeling of freedom. The feeling of: I decide and not I rebel. I’m glad about that.
I notice the prohibitive thoughts more and more often, there are many of the things I should and must do, also in other areas of life.
I see the Eating less as a process, it takes time.
I would like to remain attentive for the small changes. I eat much less in between, I only eat lunch for the first time. I eat less often in the evening on the sofa. I start to experiment with what and how I could eat in the evening without stuffing myself.
I’m still working on my motivation, because getting lighter is a big motivating force, so I keep looking at the other reasons.
I find it wonderful that the membership is valid for 1 year and that there is a new round of lessons.
Thank you for this wonderful opportunity.
I am very much looking forward to the second round
Gunici

[Gillian]

What a wonderful post, Gunici. It all sounds so very good – except the title! Please don’t be on the way to ‘perfect’, but instead become less and less imperfect as you go along.

[Gunici]

Yes Gillian, i thought of being on my own way to a good free relationship with food.not to perfect.

[Esther]

Hi Gillian and Gunici
I would also like to say thanks and after re watching a previous webinar yesterday it really resonated that you said “this takes time”, reminded me to not be so harsh with myself (same old perfectionism ), this time I am taking things slowly and another phrase “just for now” also struck a chord !
Great to have these resources still available .
I don’t want to be locked in that cell continuing with previous habitual behaviours that don’t make me feel good.
Re watching and re absorbing is really really helpful. Thanks

[Gillian]

Thanks for your posts, Esther and Gunici, and do feel free to participate as much as you want to – in the live sessions, on this forum and in the exercises. Please don’t think you need to take a back seat because you are repeating the course. Looking forward to the webinar this evening.

[Leslie]

Gunici, I really appreciated your post and have read it a few times for inspiration! 🙂 Your goal of staying attentive for the small changes resonates with me. I’m also thinking about ‘I decide’ instead of ‘I rebel.’ It’s interesting how I can hear things over and over and then something new pops out, so thanks for that. Leslie

[Leslie]

And Esther, even though this is my first course with Gillian, I’ve been watching the sessions multiple times. Sometimes I hear things so differently, I’m almost convinced it’s a different webinar! There’s a lot to take in. I too struggle with some perfectionism and am trying to focus on my small changes rather than giving myself a hard time when I repeat negative patterns. No small feat! Taking a stand is a concept I like a lot, but am a little confused by in practice. Anyway, lots to say! Thanks for your post. Leslie

[Esther]

Hi Leslie
Thanks for your post it’s good to hear it’s not just me ! There really is so much to take in, I really believe if you fully apply yourself it really does work, at times I find it tough remembering everything but it’s a really really positive and refreshing way of working with yourself .
I was listening to some of the webinar replays for week four yesterday and I really saw myself time and time again :joining a slimming club to hand the responsibility over, it really was me (amongst many other habits) I understand more now this has to come from me. Gillian’s method is working for me this time, I’m getting used to being imperfect and acceptance of that . It relieves the self loathing and has resulted for me in maintaining the work to date and enables me to work through the desire, not always but then that would be perfection wouldn’t it !
Keep going everyone 👍🏼

[Esther]

I also want to add that i am free to continue to join a slimming club, and continue to have a bad relationship with food – it’s my choice !
However if I think of the consequences of the impact on myself and my mental health I know which direction I would rather take !

[Leslie]

Thanks for the encouragement-just by talking about the real process of working through desire and the pulls to make choices in old ways… I went to a book group last night where every single time in the past I’ve overeaten on whatever treat someone makes (so book group has come to mean I’ll feel a bit (or a lot) physically wrecked the next day! Last night I walked up the stairs saying to myself ‘I can have it if I really want it, I can eat more than one if I want, etc.’ I almost needed to decide ahead of time that I was going to eat a treat, but the goal was moderation.

Gillian, this doesn’t really feel like the process we’re talking about with you. I tried thinking about waiting to see if I actually wanted the treat, but I was aware of feeling locked in to it. The good news: I ate only one, tried to focus on enjoying it, AND refused an offer to take extra home. Good news for sure, I don’t feel sick or hazy this morning. The perfectionist voice though says I should be able to know more in the moment what I want-don’t think I really did want that cake. I still felt overpowered in some way.

But maybe that was my version of a plan last night?? On I go on this non-linear (for me) path! I like the posts if other people want to, it helps keep me engaged with the process. Thanks, all.

[Leslie]

An add on: I do realize I made a plan of sorts to eat a treat and that might of been the best I could do given past habitual behavior in my book group. Something was still very uncomfortable about it though. Maybe because I knew it was an addictive pull? Maybe because I actually hadn’t really decided it was ok? Maybe I’m answering my own questions!😊 I don’t think it was a solid real plan – but probably because I’m still worried I can’t do it and will eat ten! I’d like to have more of the feeling that I can make a plan and settle down with it/feel comfortable.

[Gillian]

It’s okay to be on a learning curve, Leslie.

One suggestion I have is asking “How will I feel later on?” and you discovered that eating one of those things was fine!

And it looks like there’s a bit of confusion about “wanting the cake”. So, “I can have it if I really want it” might be better thought of as, “I can have it and it’s very likely I will want it” (= you’ll feel addictive desire for, attraction towards the cakes). You say you don’t think you really did want that cake but felt overpowered in some way. I suggest you did want that cake, you had an addictive desire for it but struggled to identify and name that.

And – it’s okay to be on a learning curve, Leslie 🙂

[Esther]

I certainly feel like I’m on w learning curve!

[Leslie]

Yes!

So leave room for planning for the possibility of an addictive desire to rise up? So make a plan with the addictive desire in mind?

Ideally, I make a plan with the plate in front of me. And ask before I say yes to cake: How will I feel if I eat this? What will the outcome be?

But, when I walk up the stairs already feeling gripped by it and know I’m going to eat one (at least), it might be helpful
to say ‘It’s likely I’ll feel an addictive desire for the treat tonight. I might not be able to work through it tonight but, for now, my plan will be to only eat one’

Is that on track, Gillian? Or off?

Thanks.

[Gillian]

It sounds good to me.

[Esther]

Ha that’s perfect 👌

[Leslie]

Great image, thank you!

[Author]

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