- This topic has 23 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 months, 1 week ago by Gillian.
January 4, 2021 at 12:48 pm #10838GillianModerator
In yesterday’s webinar I mentioned the section at 2.5 on the Dashboard, regarding notes and the exercise on choice.
I’ve just added the following lines to that page and thought I’d post it here too in case it helps anyone, and in case anyone has anything to add to this:
Here are some general ideas about what it means to “own my choices”:
• recognising that what you eat or don’t eat is up to you and nobody else
• considering any sense of regret you might feel following choices you’ve made
• refusing to feel like a victim of choices you’ve freely made yourself
January 7, 2021 at 4:34 pm #10978guadalupeParticipant
February 4, 2021 at 9:12 pm #11393jodi bParticipant
I really like those lines, the last one really resonates for me.
Thank you for including them here.
February 8, 2021 at 8:53 pm #11605CarolineParticipant
Thank you, Gillian! Choice is an area I find really difficult. When I was doing the written exercise ‘If I own my choices about what I eat…’ I found that I was still feeling resentful that I can’t have my cake and eat it (so to speak!). I know that’s unrealistic, and that any choice has consequences—but I can’t seem to shake this feeling of being deprived because I know I cannot eat sweet ‘foods’ (for example) if I want to safeguard my health. As I write this out, I realise it’s a childish way of looking at the world: wanting it to conform to my wishes, which of course it doesn’t always do! But there’s no point in not being honest—and that, I’m afraid, is where I’m at right now. I guess the only thing to do is to try and snap out of it, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.
- This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by Caroline.
February 9, 2021 at 8:55 am #11611GillianModerator
I do appreciate that it’s about wanting the world to conform to your wishes and that may be part of it, but there’s something else too.
When you say, “I know I cannot eat sweet ‘foods’ if I want to safeguard my health” – that is quite simply not true.
You can sincerely want to safeguard your health – and at the same time you are still free to eat anything and everything you can get your hands on.
It’s never true that you cannot eat sweet foods – unless you are literally (in real life) locked up in a cell without access to them.
You might eat the sweet foods and you might not – but that doesn’t change your essential freedom.
I hope this helps!
February 9, 2021 at 9:26 am #11613CarolineParticipant
Thank you, Gillian! That is helpful. I think it’ll take me a while to digest it fully, but there’s a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel! 😃
February 9, 2021 at 2:47 pm #11762EstherParticipant
Choice has been the stumbling block for me too. This is my second time on the course and I am trying to do every module thoroughly and get more involved in the forum in the hopes that it will help my brain to accept the idea that I have a choice.
The exercises and content are brilliant and really sum up how I feel. I guess as I have felt this way for a long time it is going to take me a while to undo those feelings.
February 10, 2021 at 11:32 am #11771GillianModerator
Esther, I’m going to begin the Week 2 Webinar on Sunday speaking about this post of yours here.
It brings up an important point that I can make, especially for you on your second time around.
February 10, 2021 at 8:07 pm #11782EstherParticipant
Great, thank you!
February 10, 2021 at 11:57 am #11773guadalupeParticipant
Following! Sometimes I have issues with choice. 😀
February 10, 2021 at 7:35 pm #11779Georgia HParticipant
Freedom of choice is a huge issue for me! I grew up in an authoritarian home and rebelled heavily as a teenager. I see how feeling deprived has led me to rebel and even to binge. Monday I went to the beach for the day as a treat for myself. I was focusing and journaling about my freedom to choose. I thought “I can do anything I want. I can walk in one direction as far as I want, and then I can turn around and walk the other way. I can go out on the pier. I can watch the dolphins.” It was lovely to feel so in control of everything that I chose to do!
February 11, 2021 at 8:11 am #11798GillianModerator
Certainly the first time I’ve heard anyone say they were choosing to watch dolphins, Georgia 🙂
Always something new for me on these courses.
February 10, 2021 at 7:38 pm #11780Georgia HParticipant
Dr. Phil has said that when we choose the behavior we choose the consequence. I think at some level, I need to grieve that all the tasty addictive food I could eat is not serving me.
February 10, 2021 at 8:46 pm #11784Georgia HParticipant
Ten years ago I was diagnosed with multiple food allergies, and I got to the place where I would say “I can eat that if I want to, but I don’t want to!“ But I never applied that principal to sweets, which appear to be highly addictive for me. I would feel so deprived when other people were eating things that I was telling myself I couldn’t or shouldn’t have. It feels like so much freedom to tell myself that I don’t want sweets because I don’t want the consequences that go along with them!
February 10, 2021 at 10:10 pm #11785HarriettParticipant
Hi Gillian, I love the idea of choice and am embracing it and the freedom it gives me but my husband who is thin and has never had to lose weight has very restrictive ideas about how one should go about losing weight. They include not eating certain foods, ordering the healthier option when we go out to eat or not eating all the food that is served. As a results, when I do want to eat a food he would deem “not a good choice for someone who wants to lose weight” I end up eating it in private. I want complete and total freedom but not sure how to bring this up with him or how to handle this in general. As a kid I was a sneak eater because I was always the weight-loss project in my family and I want this habit of eating in private/sneak eating to be gone. Thank you!
February 11, 2021 at 8:09 am #11797GillianModerator
By far the best thing for your husband is for him to simply agree not to comment on anything at all related to the food you are or aren’t eating, or weight loss, or anything connected with this.
Do you think you can ask him to help you in this way? If he knows you are doing this course, you can say it’s been recommended and you just want to try this out for a while (i.e. not being “helped” by a partner).
Assuming he agrees to this, he might need gentle reminders every now and then.
If he refuses to go along with this at all, you will need to develop a private thought process along the lines of invalidating what he’s said, such as “that’s none of his business… what I eat is up to me… I can eat anything any time… I can eat that food later on in private.”
February 11, 2021 at 12:31 pm #11813HarriettParticipant
Thank you Gillian. You have given me some good thought work to try on.
February 10, 2021 at 10:33 pm #11786Georgia HParticipant
I’m loving this song!!
February 11, 2021 at 8:18 am #11799GillianModerator
Love your anthem to freedom there, but recently I’ve been think this is the theme tune for this course:
February 11, 2021 at 11:52 am #11808Georgia HParticipant
Thank you Gillian. I appreciate you sharing that song. It’s a very vulnerable position to be willing to feel the pain of loss. But I agree that I would rather feel something than be numb.
February 11, 2021 at 12:15 pm #11811GillianModerator
What makes the massive difference, Georgia, is freely choosing what you refer to as “the pain of loss” and, most importantly, just choosing it for now by reminding yourself that your free choices are always totally open in the future.
So this process is quite different from that song in this regard, where of course the girl (not the singer) decided about that loss and may well never change her mind.
The wonderful thing about all of this is you get to do WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO and if it’s just too painful and too great a loss, YOU CAN ALWAYS RETURN TO YOUR OLD WAYS.
On any day, you can watch the dolphins or not watch the dolphins.
February 11, 2021 at 5:12 am #11792DanielaParticipant
Appreciate a lot these conversations. Thank you.
February 18, 2021 at 8:34 pm #12039EstherParticipant
Gillian – thank you for addressing my post on last weeks webinar on choice.
I really liked your illustration of the gate. Everything you said was correct and I keep thinking I need to push through the gate!
This course has made me realise that I have a tendency to avoid any difficulties or uncomfortable moments and that actually it would be much better for me to push through these feelings so some real learning can take place.
February 19, 2021 at 10:16 am #12044GillianModerator
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