Perfectionist through and through

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    • #12722
      Mo
      Participant

      Hi Gillian and everyone,

      Well I’ve found the ‘Relapse’ module very interesting. I think I must have skirted over it the last 2 times. But this time it was like I was reading it for the first time. So I now know why I’ve been stuck on this rollercoaster. I’m a perfectionist through and through. In my life in all areas I have to get it right, I hate being or getting it wrong. As an early years teacher (retired now) I planned to the nth degree. I even planned for spontaneity 🤷‍♀️🙄 which is impossible with little ones. In any area of my life I strived to be spot on. In my studies I’d want top marks and would put everything I could into succeeding. If I didn’t get top marks – I’d failed. It even applies now in my hobbies. I love painting and especially landscapes and often copy from a photo. However, if my painting doesn’t look exactly like my photo it infuriates me. I have to talk to myself and tell myself it’s art, it’s ok to have artistic license. Even when I gift my painting to a family member I justify it with ‘I’ve used artistic licensing here’ as a way to explain why it’s not perfect. The reaaon I recount all of this is to really demonstrate how much of a perfectionist I am.

      So looking at 47 years of on/off dieting I have a very ingrained bad relationship with food (sugar). Every diet I undertook I had to do it perfectly. I wanted to be ‘perfect’ i.e. have the correct sized body for my height. I complied brilliantly following the diets for awhile until I didn’t. Then I would rebel and overeat, and overeat and overeat. It has taken me until now to realise why I’ve struggled over and over again. I keep on putting myself back in the cell and depriving myself, putting restrictions on myself (I’ll never eat sugar again). Only to fail and once out of my cell I binge. All or nothing over and over again.

      Wow! What a revelation. This will keep repeating itself unless I start to live imperfectly and accept my imperfections.

      A huge thank you to Gillian for the course and to everyone for their insights and comments. I feel I’ve made a break through and I can see every time I thought I was choosing freely I was still restricting. I have a long way to go, a mountain to climb, but I’m not afraid any more. I’m letting go of perfection bit by bit and taking a stand. I am going to create imperfections and work on becoming imperfect.
      I have all the tools and techniques now to break free from perfection. My intention is to put them into practise.

      THANK YOU FOR READING ALL OF THIS.

      I am a “work in progress” allowing for plenty of artistic license!😁

    • #12723
      Gillian
      Moderator

      Excellent, Mo.

      May I recommend the work of Dr Carol Dweck, researcher at Stanford University, who has studied perfectionism extensively.

      She has a number of videos on YouTube, and I’ve added a link to one of them on the “Reads and Views” page.

      You’ll be painting like Jackson Pollock in no time at all 🙂

    • #12724
      Mo
      Participant

      🤣🤣thank you Gillian.

      Yes I’ll look at the video link to Carol Dweck thank you.

    • #12727
      Barb R
      Participant

      Mo, it sounds like you’ve had some fantastic realizations. I hope it feels a bit exciting, with a view of something new in front of you.

      Watching the course for the second time, I find it interesting how often I think, did I really hear that before? New things strike chords that can open up things in different ways for me.

      Thanks for sharing.

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