- This topic has 7 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 11 months ago by Gillian.
June 6, 2020 at 11:51 am #7884guadalupeParticipant
Hi Gillian and Everyone!
It happens to me that sometimes I plan meals. For example, I knew for a week that yesterday I would be alone at home for dinner and as soon as I knew that I´ve started to plan what I would eat (like a week in advance). I thought about motivation, and about the power of choice I have to do what I want. And I think and fantasize about eating 50 different things. Then I´ve stopped thinking about it and said to myself that I would solve it at that time that I have to make that decision for that meal, but more or less I already had a defined and pre-established meal that I would eat. What is the best thing to do in this type of situation?
June 6, 2020 at 1:52 pm #7893GillianModerator
Guadalupe, I wonder if (and why) you feel like you’re not free to eat those things when you’re not alone.
The impression I get is that when you know you’ll be alone, it’s as if you’ll be released from a cell of deprivation and prohibition?
Is it possible for you let yourself know that you’re free to eat those 50 different things any time, any place, in any quantity – alone or not?
June 9, 2020 at 10:25 pm #7946guadalupeParticipant
Hi Gillian. If I start to think about if I feel like Im not free to eat those things when Im not alone, the answer is yes!
And why? Maybe because I think people judge me because Im overweight and I shouldnt be eating that caloric foods.
Yes, I think that when Im alone maybe Im released from that cell. Maybe because I feel free. Because I dont prohibe myself any food (so I eat them all)
I eat caloric things when Ive people around, is not that Im the person that eat a salad with family and friends and then alone the burguer with fries. Im the one who eats the burguer with fries with friends or family, and then I ask for dessert…. But I eat thinking I shouldnt be eating that and feeling judged by others.
Maybe I enjoy my food alone because I feel free to eat whatever I want without feeling guilt and judged by others.
But at the same time.. the worst judge I am with myself.
And to the question if is possible for me to let myself that Im free to eat whatever I want any time, any place, any quantity alone or not. The answer is I dont really know, Im not sure. And if I ask myself why?
The voice in my mind tell me “Yes you know that of course you can eat whatever and whenever you want, but you also know that you shouldnt be doing that. You cant, you HAVE TO lose 20kg. Is for health. Is for your knee. You know that is not good for your gut. Now is not only esthetic. Its real issurs. So, you love yourself so little that you don’t take care and sabotage yourself like no one else? And you keep eating… and thinking about food and what are you going to eat tomorrow or in a week that you are alone or you have a party. You shouldnt be doing that“
June 10, 2020 at 10:21 am #7947GillianModerator
This is an interesting mix of the three core themes, Guadaloupe, and it will help you to see and to address each one:
Motivation: the aim is, each time you think about your weight (for any reason, aesthetic or not), to remind yourself of non-weight benefits. Maybe you’re doing this already; you don’t say. Best to think, “when I ate less of x, I felt y the next day.”
Choice: The idea that you “shouldn’t” is another version of “can’t” and “have to”; it prevents you from feeling free to choose. And bad choices are still choices available to you.
Desire: Everyone has stronger feelings of desire in certain situations. For example, maybe someone only eats anything with sugar in it when they’re at a restaurant. It’s not only that they think they’re not free to eat sugar, but the stronger association has been formed because sugar (which is the rewarding element in food) is highly rewarding, and so more enjoyable. You have been enjoying your ‘home alone’ meals (whether or not sugar is involved) because there’s no judgement from others (whether real or imagined), so there’s a stronger desire/anticipation.
Understanding and telling the truth about all of this is your first step. Accept that you will continue to look forward to these special meals. (Interesting to note that for others it’s when they eat in company that they feel less guilt, because everyone is joining in and making it seem okay!) As you take the three themes into consideration, maybe you’ll want to begin to modify these meals if there is an unwanted downside for you later on. You choose!
Let me know what you think!
June 11, 2020 at 10:43 pm #7966guadalupeParticipant
Hi Gillian! Your words are so helpful! You can´t imagine how helpful they are!
Motivation: Im thinking of non weight benefits. I´ve also made a list and Im going to put it in my closet in this days. I´ve also write down the questions to put it also in the closet or somewhere I will see daily. And Im moving the focus of the shape of my body to another sensations. And also everytime that comes the impulse to go to the scale, I tell myself that it doestn work, that If I did it like that almost for 20 years and nothing changes, so is that it doesn’t work. But this about thinking on motivation before doing something is ok only for scales at the moment. And sometimes on food. The motivation makes me do a better choice.
Choice: I remind myself that bad choices are still choices and I remind myself when Im going to overeat that is my choice, and also remind on motivation before making a choice, but is hard to make that “click” to choice what I really want for myself. It’s like I can’t move from that place and move on to the next step or place to make any change. I can’t move from that place and stop doing it. I don’t know how to make that “click”. Maybe is that I need to stop, think, and ask myself certain questions before making a decision to whether or not eat something. Be more conscious and less automatically.
Desire: I think that here I need to apply was I telling you in “choice”. About stop, think and ask my self questions before making a decision to do something. Recognizing this addictive desire. To do this maybe I need to do that of recognize when I have them most, for example: alone. And try to be more alert about that. For example, it also happens to me when Im in the car alone going somewhere, I buy something in the supermarket and then I eat while driving. And this happen a lot. So maybe make a list of this habits and try to modify them by thinking and asking questions to myself.
June 12, 2020 at 9:49 am #7975GillianModerator
Maybe the “click” you’re looking for is your choice to allow the desire to be unsatisfied? That is the choice, really: do I satisfy this desire or do I accept the unsatisfied feeling?
When you’re in the car alone, you stop to buy something in the supermarket, so I suggest you “make your choices in the shops”. In a very real sense, you make your choice to eat something when you buy it.
Maybe you don’t need to stop, park the car and enter the shop. Just know that you can do that, and if you do, you’ll eat it.
June 15, 2020 at 8:11 pm #8052guadalupeParticipant
Yes, maybe the click I need is my choice to allow the desire unsatisfied and let me know that Im not going to die for that and life goes on. Yesterday I did it in 3 or 4 different situations with differents cues and here I am, feeling better with my decisions of yesterday.
I´m specially in a moment of more anxiety and a mix of differents feelings that sometimes I can´t handle them really well and I overeat (my husband is leaving home this week, the relationship is over).
So, for example, he leaves on thursday and I ´ve found myself telling me that the same thursday Im going to go to a shop to buy some stuff to do a typical argentinian dessert that I love (Im an argentinian leaving in spain and I really like the ´dulce de leche´)
But when I´ve realized of that I change my mind and do not plan anything at all, just tell myself “you can eat it when you want, you decide on thursday what you want to do”.
June 15, 2020 at 8:37 pm #8056GillianModerator
Wow. I’m reading good news and bad news and good news and…
Whatever you choose on Thursday, I hope it seems the right one for you.
Take good care of yourself during this major transition.
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