- This topic has 17 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 1 week ago by Janet K.
August 6, 2021 at 10:50 am #15160Janet KParticipant
Hi Gillian and Everyone,
I’m really in a bad place at the minute. I’ve fallen off BIG TIME and I’m very unhappy about it. I’m away from home at the minute but I’m hoping to restart the program next week.
Any thoughts or tips would be very welcome. I’m so down about my failure that I don’t know how to pick myself up.
Lots of love to you all ❤️
August 6, 2021 at 1:10 pm #15161Maggie CParticipant
I have had my ups and very big downs working through this, so I can really feel your pain. I have had to come to terms with the thoughts I have around not being on a diet so there is no off and on. I calmed my anxiety down by trying to be kinder to myself and not beat myself up about not being focused. I have listening to sections again and read through my notes.
I am taking baby steps now instead of plunging straight in having to be “perfect”. I have been doing well with no snacks after my evening meal – not saying I won’t have them sometimes, but for today I won’t. Is a small step but a great one to feel happy about. I am working on times and plans now.
Try not to dwell on it, it always makes me worse and very anxious, which makes me out of control and eat more. The tip about just sitting with the feelings and giving yourself 5 minutes really does work.
Hoping you soon feel happier with everything x
August 6, 2021 at 1:38 pm #15162Janet KParticipant
Like you I jumped right in and felt great at the start and I really suffer from the “all or nothing” approach. Years of slimming clubs I feel…..
And the negative self talk has been dreadful. At times I feel hatred towards myself and I know that’s not good.
Thanks for understanding Maggie xxx
August 6, 2021 at 2:33 pm #15163GillianKeymaster
I just thought I’d add, in case it’s of any help to you, that I’m well aware a great many people who do my course don’t follow my advice at first. I don’t think this is a sign there’s anything wrong either with you or the course. It’s just how people learn – from their own experience – and there’s a lot that’s good about that.
It’s often called “learning the hard way” – and it is! I don’t know what to do about it other than to make the materials available so you can return to what actually works with a new perspective.
If you do that, you’ll get there in the end. And that’s much better than not getting there at all. Yes?
August 6, 2021 at 3:46 pm #15164Janet KParticipant
Thanks Gillian, it’s helpful to know I’m not alone in this setback. I feel like I’m the only one on this course who’s struggling.
I was coping really well and then I weighed myself (I know, stupid idea 🙄) Anyway what I can’t understand is that although I was delighted to see that I’d lost weight, I then proceeded to start eating and not stop. I just don’t understand the psychology of that?
Suffice to say, I won’t be weighing myself again anytime soon.
August 7, 2021 at 9:12 am #15174GillianKeymaster
In reply to your question about understanding the psychology of weight loss leading to relapse, Week 1 covers much of this – and very much the first half hour or so of my Q&A webinar from June 27th.
It really is a big deal for a lot of people.
August 7, 2021 at 9:28 am #15176Janet KParticipant
Thanks Gillian, I’m going to review all this material when I’m home. I didn’t realise how conditioned by the diet industry I am. And how negative I’ve been with myself lately.
Thanks for your support and to all the other lovely comments on here.
August 6, 2021 at 3:49 pm #15165Maggie CParticipant
I definitely agree with the no weigh. If I had lost weight, I would eat more as felt I could allow myself more food and if I had put on, I would eat as I got into a panic. I feel a lot better not weighing at all. It is very tempting after a life of weighing every week or even every day just to see how you are doing. I remind myself it will make me eat whatever the outcome and that helps – and moved the scales!!
August 6, 2021 at 3:53 pm #15166LouiseParticipant
Hi Janet and ELO-ers!
It seems one of the hardest things is to be kind to ourselves when we relapse.
I think the only way through is doing that, then taking a deep breath and returning to the videos and other materials. I find writing things down helps me a lot too.
In terms of relapse, I have this list pinned on my fridge which you might find useful. It’s taken from I think week 5, when Gillian goes through some possible reasons for relapse:
1. having lost weight – the old ‘diet’ mentality says ‘ok, you can stop now!’. We all know that doesn’t work though.
2. unexamined mindset (i.e., sneaky justifications for overeating, or cues to overeat that you don’t encounter very often (‘but I’m on holiday!)
3. serious trauma
4. perfectionism (being in the cell means you’re gonna want to come out at some point!).
Good luck. I’m sure everyone can relate to what you’re saying. I certainly can.
August 6, 2021 at 4:22 pm #15167Janet KParticipant
Yes Maggie, I’ve definitely learnt from that. I thought “I’ll be fine either way”
I relate so much to what you said about panic. I overate one day, so next day I was down so I overate, and so on….
I’ve a lot of hip joint pain and my main motivation is to decrease that but is this still a weight-related motivation Gillian?
Louise, I AM on a family holiday at the moment and historically this and Christmas are the times when I badly overeat. 🙄🙄 We’re heading home tomorrow and I want to start my choices then but fear that I’m just going back to a compliance/rebellion situation. I’m scared I never truly got past that mode, even though in May and June, I was eating more healthily than I had for years with very little difficulty (in the past I barely got past 1 week of compliance) so I truly believed I was not in compliance/rebellion.
Sorry to waffle on , I’m genuinely glad to have a safe space to discuss this as I am feeling really confused.
August 6, 2021 at 8:33 pm #15168LouiseParticipant
Hi Janet, sounds to me that encountering a cue to overeat for the first time – being on holiday – gave your sneaky addictive desire a justification for overeating. Add to that a bit of compliance – inevitable when you’re still learning – and bingo, you find yourself back to eating in a way you don’t like.
I find it helps just to experience a small success. Just something like setting a Time, and doing your overeating at that time rather than just overeating as soon as you get the urge. And maybe when the Time arrives, you might feel you can work through the desire, or set another Time. And trying it now,rather than waiting for the perfect conditions,such as being back at home.
That’s what I do if I have had a setback, and just having that little bit of success encourages me to get back on track.
August 7, 2021 at 12:36 am #15169Janet KParticipant
Thanks Louise, I’m definitely going to try for a “small success” and build on that 😀
August 7, 2021 at 6:32 am #15170JeanetteParticipant
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. You are definitely not alone! I’m still struggling too. And for me too, it happened, again, after I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago! I thought, oh, I feel better (non-weight), let me just see the scale now (weight)… And that threw me. And the scale said that I only lost one pound! And, I too, have not weighed myself since. Because of the course and what Gillian explains, I understand why that happened, however, I was surprised that that actually happened to me now! This time, for me, however, I’m not down about it; I just thought wow and ok, let’s get back to it. (I haven’t yet though. but for me, I think lack of sleeping correctly and a few incidents that bothered me, are really affecting me right now.) And, so, I have the intention of going to sleep earlier tonight and I have the intention of eating less tomorrow. : )
August 7, 2021 at 9:23 am #15175Janet KParticipant
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement Jeanette. I thought “the scales won’t be a problem” but I’ve learnt that that’s a no-no for me.
I’m not sleeping well either, my Mum is not well and I need to be with her a lot. When I come home I hoover food.
So I suppose if I was speaking to a friend I’d never say to her what I’m saying to myself.
I hope things go well for you Jeanette and we’re all in this together. ❤️
August 9, 2021 at 7:52 pm #15187JeanetteParticipant
I’m sorry to hear that your Mom is not well! I hope she gets better soon!
Yes, you could pretend that you’re talking to a friend when you talk to yourself. That’s a good idea.
I do find that exercise really helps me feel better as well. I love to exercise but sometimes I don’t and I can tell a difference in how I feel. Of course, just like with eating less, it takes time for the scale to lower (IF we were weighing ourselves, which we aren’t!), but the body feels really good pretty quickly – just like when eating less.
August 9, 2021 at 11:46 pm #15188Janet KParticipant
Thank you. And yes, definitely no scales!!
I’m trying to increase my walking. When the children were in school, I was walking with our Lab every day but I’ve got into bad habits over the summer. Definitely think it might help to get moving again.
Thanks again ❤️
August 10, 2021 at 1:43 am #15189Ann CParticipant
Janet- you are NOT alone on that struggle bus! The past few days I have “backslid”
And I have been fighting those thoughts of ” oh, here we go…..back to your old ways blah blah blah”
But there has been a nugget of truth implanted and it keeps pulling me back to the program. THIS WONT TAKE HOLD OVERNIGHT. That’s what I keep telling myself.
If I focus on the weight ” are these pants looser?” Or I wonder what size I’ll be by Xmas” it just messes with my mind so much!
And Gillian’s response just makes so much sense ( above) That by not following what she says at first, could actually be helping us learn.
I agree that starting back with small successes (times and plans) really helps build up some of that self love.
August 10, 2021 at 11:20 am #15190Janet KParticipant
Thanks so much Ann for your reassurance. I’m exactly like you in that my inner critic has been chanting “and here’s another effort you’ve failed at”
I think your comment of it not taking hold overnight is such a useful thing to hold onto. And that we’re learning all the time. It has helped me immensely to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Lots of love and we’ll “keep the faith” together 😊
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