- This topic has 35 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 4 weeks ago by Gillian.
July 12, 2020 at 1:06 am #8636JessicaParticipant
Hello Gillian and all,
I am looking for ideas on taking a stand. I would love to hear examples of how everyone takes a stand everyday with the three themes. I love everything in this course and I know it is the way to my healing my relationship with my body and food but I am not really putting anything into action. I am not sure if this is my all or none mentality (“Go big or go home”) or just straight procrastination of the hard work! I know I have to figure this out ultimately on my own but I would love to hear the way other clients of yours Gillian have taken a stand or any of you lovely people in the course!
Thank so much!
July 12, 2020 at 1:11 am #8637Renée LParticipant
July 12, 2020 at 5:04 am #8639Julia RParticipant
I too have struggled with putting this into practice. Just this evening I started to snack. But then I pulled my notebook out and found the statement Julie wrote early on: I want to feel peace and ease around my choices and to remember that I am actually choosing the path that gives me true joy over time. (I believe I tweaked a couple words.). Just reading this and reading some of my notes on Choice: I am free to eat anything and I choose the out come I want-that comes with it.
I can keep doing what I have been doing. If I want to be in a place of peace with food/eating, then I need to step up. I can always go back to my original eating.
I suggest you pull affirmations or review the course videos or make note of the threads that inspire you.
The definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. For me, I want something different in regards to my eating food that my body does not need.
Gillian and the attendees have provided so much information and suggestions—so much at our finger tips! I have my ups and downs but I remind myself of all the info and support available to me!
July 12, 2020 at 10:02 am #8641LouiseParticipant
Great idea for a thread Jessica!
I don’t honestly think much about Taking a Stand, because I tend to focus on the three themes, motivation, choice and desire.
I guess what Taking a Stand means for me is a) taking responsibility for my own health, and what I eat; and b) fully committing to this approach, by giving it my full attention and making it a priority just now, but not in a finger-wagging, ‘you must do this’ sort of a way.
One thing I find difficult is when I feel socially pressurised to share food, when it is food that is unhealthy or food I don’t want to eat. At those times, Taking a Stand is useful to me. That’s when I think privately to myself, “I am taking responsibility for this moment, and I am going to make a choice that is right for me, not what other people would like me to do.”
For instance, I was at a small gathering of 5 friends yesterday and someone had brought custard tarts. They are not really something I particularly like, but it still felt rude to refuse one. However, in my mind, I reminded myself that it is my choice, and part of my bigger choice is to Take a Stand on eating healthy food, and that includes choosing healthy treats and snacks.
I was happy with my choice and it didn’t lead to later overeating in private,as it has in the past.
July 12, 2020 at 4:16 pm #8650Julie MannParticipant
Jessica what a great idea for a thread. Julia I don’t even remember writing that, it was helpful for me to reread. And Jessica, just reading this thread, being in the conversation, is taking a stand, in my opinion.
Other things I do: revisit the videos, journal every evening about my non weight motivation, and recently I’ve committed to being very active on this forum. It really helps me “stay in the conversation” which keeps it fresh in my mind.
July 12, 2020 at 5:02 pm #8651GillianModerator
July 12, 2020 at 6:08 pm #8652Anne MarieParticipant
Thank you for bringing this up! It is something I’ve been thinking about lately also. I have made a commitment to myself to go through the weeks again one week at a time. This past week I have watched all the videos from week one on motivation and I have also read the chapters in Jillians two books that have to do with motivation. I listened, I watched, I read, and I took notes of what seemed particularly important to me in my own eating patterns.
This keeps the information fresh in my mind and I am amazed at how much more I understand it as I go through it for the second time.
Today I am reviewing my notes and doing all of the journaling exercises that were suggested for the motivation week. I have made a list of my “13 reasons why” and I am posting them around the house to remind me of my non-weight motivation.
Tomorrow I am going to begin the process of reviewing and re-watching and re-reading everything Jillian has shared on week two… Choice!
For me this is taking a stand, because it is ME making a commitment to myself to not give up on myself. Like you said, I know in my heart, mind, body, and spirit that this is the missing piece to the puzzle that has been my over eating for many decades. When I think of taking a stand, I think of myself facing myself with love in my heart and compassion in my eyes and holding my hands, saying “you can do this and I will help you.”
I look forward to hearing from more of us about what taking a stand means!
July 13, 2020 at 9:56 pm #8674Clare CParticipant
For me, taking a stand is a reminder that I actually have to do something for it to make a difference! Previously I’ve taken in the material and because it resonated so deeply and I believed I’d understood it intellectually, I realise that I was unconsciously thinking that should be enough for it to click into place.
Last week I had a week off work. I joined the Q&A session from our holiday cottage and then over the course of the week took a stand and started putting the theory into practice. I can’t overstate what a difference it has already made, just taking the time to stop and think before eating food I don’t need. I’m not being, or aiming to be, perfect and it’s been hard today now that I’m home and back to work. I’ve a long way to go but I’m taking a stand by taking action to improve my life.
I find the mp3 invaluable and if it’s not possible to listen to it all because I’m out or working, I at least remind myself that I’ve created a crazy amount of chaos in my life because of overeating and the desire I’m feeling is “just a feeling” and that “if I’m feeling it, I’m not overeating”. I also remind myself that I really can choose to go and eat whatever it is if I want to – I quite often imagine myself doing that. This really helps me with taking a stand.
July 14, 2020 at 10:01 am #8679LouiseParticipant
‘If I’m feeling it, I’m not eating it’. I love that Clare, thank you!
July 14, 2020 at 12:43 pm #8686RobynParticipant
This has been a great thread.
Thank you all for your thoughts.
July 14, 2020 at 1:27 pm #8687LizParticipant
Clare, I love that about feeling it, not overeating it.
For me, taking a stand is getting CLEAR about what I want and realizing “nothing changes if nothing changes.” Sounds so simple, but so true.
So often, I want the change to just “happen” after consuming information. But consuming is information in, and not always processing/changeing.
If I don’t make changes in the moment, nothing changes!
I do not want to be researching how to not overeat in a year from now.
I do not want my bookshelves to be lined with food/weight/overeating books.
I do not want to have my 3 year old daughter to grow up and see me struggle with this.
Taking a stand is DOING the work, which I am re-committing to doing.
Feeling uncomfortable and not taking the easy route.
Sometimes my own comfort comes in the struggle, which sounds weird to say. It’s a strange realization I’m having–that the struggle is more comfortable for me than feeling the success of getting over this. I want to explore that and see what I’m possibly avoiding by focusing on food/weight. Because if I do the work of giving up overeating and not needing this work, this will open up a void. And I am excited to see what I can do with that time and energy…:)
July 14, 2020 at 6:49 pm #8689Julie MannParticipant
Liz!!!!!!!! I can relate to ALL of this. In particular, that the struggle is my comfort zone.
And your list of what you do NOT want to be doing in a year really moved me. I’m going to riff on it for a bit:
If I don’t make changes in the moment, nothing changes!
I do not want to be rewatching videos, listening to podcasts, spending all my free time thinking about and learning about how to not overeat in a year from now.
I do not want to have my 16 year old daughter to continue to see me struggle with this.
I do not want to feel afraid to travel, go on trips, live a full life.
Taking a stand is DOING the work, which I am re-committing to doing.
Feeling uncomfortable and not taking the easy route.
July 14, 2020 at 6:50 pm #8690Julie MannParticipant
Clare, thank you for this, feeling it and not eating it. This is my biggest hurdle still, even with massive growth. I’m always so inspired when Gillian talks about how she disconnected uncomfortable emotions from food and now has “clean pain” and processes her feelings and actively doesn’t want food at those times.
July 15, 2020 at 3:46 pm #8697LizParticipant
Thank you Julie, this is inspiring.
I keep thinking of how I want to look back on my 2020.
There’s so much unrest in the world for all of us, and depending on where you live, you may be facing another lockdown or further quarantine.
I’m learning my kids most likely won’t be returning to school. Insert crying…;)
In January 2021, I want to look back and say “WOW, WE DID IT–I KEPT 5 HUMANS ALIVE AND WELL, AND WE LEARNED A LITTLE.”
Applying this to food and overeating, I want to say “WOW, I GOT REALLY GOOD AT FEELING DISCOMFORT WITHOUT EATING OR RESEARCHING DIETS.”
I want to look back and be like “OH THE OLD ME LOVED SEEPING INTO PODCASTS AND BOOKS ABOUT DIETS, BUT THE NEW ME IS DEALING WITH THE PRESENT MOMENT.” I don’t want to be doing this next year. Nope!
My own addictive desire pops up the second I finish dinner. I have a few hours of wrangling everyone together to get to bed. For some reason, I’ve told my myself that eating Cheetos and cereal and candy at that time much more bearable.
If I own my choices, I would say “I am choosing to overeat junk because it distracts me from the discomfort of the nighttime hours.”
Sorry this post is all over the moment. But I really like focusing on where we want our headspace to be in one year and then making the changes!
July 15, 2020 at 4:53 pm #8698GillianModerator
Julie and Liz
Have you taken a look at the video with Dr Joan Rosenberg on the page “Reads and Views”?
It seems to address the issue here, and I’d be interested to hear what you think of the interview.
Unfortunately it’s yet another podcast, Liz, but one that could take you forward with your aim to be dealing with the present moment.
July 15, 2020 at 5:19 pm #8699Renée LParticipant
Hi Liz (and Everyone!),
I love your post and insights you have shared about your post dinner urges and desires. I know for me this whole way of thinking and acting/pausing is so new, and will take patience to change my ways of thinking and acting around food.
I especially loved your reminders that it will take time, effort, energy and persistent practice to change old habits and develop new ways of thinking. Thanks for the reminder!
I have thought long and hard about this thread of “Taking a Stand” and while the perfectionist in me wants to “get it right all the time” (meaning I will always be able to spot AD perfectly in the moment and not satisfy it) I know that what is much more likely to happen is a combination of staying with myself in the moment and working through desire, and having success, while at other times I might only be able to reflect on my behaviors to learn and grow, and then “Take a Stand” after the fact.
So I see the concept of “Taking A Stand” in two ways: prevention (by applying the concept before I engage in behaviors that I am trying to change) and reflection (by reflecting on my behaviors) and viewing them as a catalyst for change and then applying the “Taking A Stand” concept going forward, one moment at a time.
I love hearing from you all, and check the Forum often (I’m a little obsessed with it, actually!), but wanted to say how thankful I am that we are all open to exploring these new ideas together and sharing our experiences as we move forward to better understand ourselves.
I’ve also noticed that one way rebellion manifests for me is this idea/justification of “What Can I get Away With?” in terms of eating foods and amounts. I think that is so interesting and only recently have I been able to re frame this justification for “More” and see it for what it is: one of my very favorite and special “keys” to let myself out of my own jail cell.
Hope everyone is having a great day, wherever you are, and what ever the day may bring!
Renée from Wilmette, IL
July 15, 2020 at 6:54 pm #8700GillianModerator
Thanks, Renee. I love this:
“So I see the concept of “Taking A Stand” in two ways: prevention (by applying the concept before I engage in behaviors that I am trying to change) and reflection (by reflecting on my behaviors) and viewing them as a catalyst for change and then applying the “Taking A Stand” concept going forward, one moment at a time.”
July 15, 2020 at 7:07 pm #8701Julie MannParticipant
Renee as always your posts are so insightful. Especially that last piece about “what can I get away with?” I have had that thought so many times, and have come to see it as my AD, that doing something to myself behind my own back. Anyway just brilliant.
July 15, 2020 at 7:08 pm #8702Julie MannParticipant
Gillian I will watch it today. Thank you.
July 15, 2020 at 7:10 pm #8703Julie MannParticipant
Liz those are wonderful intentions, very moving actually, not all over at all.
July 15, 2020 at 8:55 pm #8706LizParticipant
Renee, I completely understand rebellion coming in the form of “getting away with it”. I relate so much.
I love your taking a stand by:
“prevention (by applying the concept before I engage in behaviors that I am trying to change) and reflection (by reflecting on my behaviors).”
I’m really good at the “reflection” part. I need to work on the prevention by using times, plans, and staying in the present moment.
LOVED your post!
- This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by Liz.
July 15, 2020 at 9:05 pm #8708Julie MannParticipant
Liz, LOL I’m also great at reflection.
In the moment, here is what helps me, I talk out loud to myself… “this is an addictive desire to overeat, I’m choosing to accept this desire and free myself from this pattern. It’s my choice.”
I’ve also played with listening to the mp3 in those moments with lots of success, when I remember.
It’s important to remember.
Breathing, speaking it aloud, focusing on the outcomes, etc.
Focusing on those great “why’s” you wrote about.
July 15, 2020 at 9:13 pm #8709Julie MannParticipant
Gillian I loved the talk with Dr Rosenberg and just bought her book. This is a critical area for me in so many ways. And I am eager to learn more. Thank you.
July 16, 2020 at 3:32 pm #8713LouiseParticipant
I talk out loud too Julia! Only my dogs are listening 🙂 What I say is different each time, depending on what aspects of the work pops into my head.
Yesterday for example I had to talk myself through regret after overeating in the evening – and so it goes. It certainly helps to talk it through to myself when it goes awry, and helps me to be kinder and more compassionate to myself.
July 22, 2020 at 2:36 am #8787JessicaParticipant
Thank you so much everyone!! I plan on going through this thread multiple times for reference. I appreciate every response!
July 26, 2020 at 11:25 pm #8840Renée LParticipant
Just a quick check-in to say hello and share how I “Took a Stand” today. I ran to the store to pick up a few items, and while I was there I found myself wandering down aisles and looking at some of the items I would normally buy.
At first, I had a lot of reactions along the lines of “I can’t have that!” and then I remembered that I am practicing a new way to think and behave around food. So I changed my thought to “I am going to pass on this food right now, but I know that I am free to buy this food in any amount, at any time, and right now I am choosing to pass on it.”
After my little private conversation, every time I passed by my other favorites I repeated the same thing. I know that I can have these foods, yet at the same time the real truth for me is that having these foods at home has caused me considerable pain and discomfort. Sometimes physical, sometimes emotional—and oftentimes both. Even if I feel “strong” and that I can portion them out, and eat them in a controlled fashion, I know from experience that it is just a matter of time before I am hunting for them in my cabinets and engaging in behaviors that I will later regret.
A few weeks ago, I decided to throw away these foods and just see what would happen. Initially I resisted, but then I decided to take a leap of faith and just see what would happen.
So far, so good! I feel great about this decision. And if I should change my mind, I know that I can.
I am happy to say that my grocery store experiment of leaving my LOVERS on the shelves ended on a positive note. I did not feel deprived because I know I am free to choose at any time.
That’s how I practiced “Taking A Stand” today at the store!
Hope everyone is well.
July 27, 2020 at 12:46 am #8841Julie MannParticipant
Renee bravo. I love hearing what you are doing, so inspiring.
Here is something that confuses me about my behavior.
I took a stand yesterday. I was traveling with my boyfriend, we ate out, I made great choices and felt like I wanted to keep going and didn’t. I got present, enjoyed the evening, shifted my focus.
I didn’t sleep AT ALL last night, however. Co-sleeping has always been hard for me and this is a new relationship and then add in traveling, in a new bed/room, and I was up all night.
My day started great, but then I overate at lunch, I wasn’t even hungry when I got home because I’d eaten so much. But then I just felt so tired and wanted to sit and I seem to have linked eating and staying at the table, as my way of unwinding.
Gillian I see very clearly that I’m using extra food at dinner in these two ways: to give myself extra time seated (because I’m so tired) and/or soothing stress/avoiding discomfort.
It’s great that I’m aware of this and NOW it’s time for me to truly take a stand, even if I haven’t slept, and just go to bed!!! Because staying seated to keep eating is decidedly not taking a stand in honor of my real desires for myself.
And if this is all over the place, forgive me, it’s my very tired and overly full brain.
July 27, 2020 at 11:23 am #8843GillianModerator
If this was happening to me, I would approach my meal thinking of it as a potential overeating hazard:
“I didn’t sleep last night, I’m sleep-deprived, and so I’m very likely to overeat at this meal and later on regret that.”
If you’re unable to recall the potential hazard before you start to eat, I don’t think there’s anything to be done.
Then, you can make a Plan, which is the technique to use whenever you might overeat at a meal or snack. The Plan could be what’s on your plate, or it could be what’s on your table. You say you stay seated, so the extra food is within reach, on the table. Would it be possible to change that, so that at least you’ll be standing up in order to eat more than your Plan?
The value in making a Plan – and even having some physical indication of its boundaries by having food on or not on the table/plate – is that pretty much everyone goes unconscious during any eating, as the limbic system activates in response to the food. And sleep deprivation makes it that much more tricky to activate the PFC.
July 27, 2020 at 10:26 am #8842MoParticipant
Hi Jessica, Gillian, Julia, Julie, Liz, Renee, Louise, Robyn, Clare, Anne Marie
What a fantastic thread.
I’m exactly where you are Jessica in your initial post. The whole all or nothing diet mentality and the procrastination I get it! I’ve attended the course taken notes rewatched the replays answered the questions….the ‘perfect’ little student. But I’ve not applied it or trialled it. I’ve not taken a stand.
I want to but fear is holding me back…all the work I’m going to have to do! Can I do it? Will it work this time? These are the questions I’m asking myself. The pull of diets is still there…the NEED to lose the weight. But it is softening. Tiny tiny steps. I am recognising my non-weight motivation more and more. If I eat rubbish I feel rubbish…foggy head, aching legs, indigestion, restless sleep, low energy, low mood. I hate feeling this way.
So I am going to take a stand…
1) STOP WEIGHING MYSELF (This is a huge one for me, but it’s keeping me locked in and feeling rebellious)
2) Put up post-it notes as reminders
3) Use visualisation to remind myself I have a choice (walk to the lake/red or black pen)
4) Unsubscibe to all weight/diet related emails and leave all weight/diet related Facebook groups
5) Post more on the forum to keep me connected and focused
6) Remind myself it’s about progress not perfection and to be kind to myself.
THANK YOU EVERYONE
July 27, 2020 at 11:33 am #8844GillianModerator
Great, Mo. I especially like number 4!!!
And, just to add to your comment:
“I want to but fear is holding me back… all the work I’m going to have to do! Can I do it? Will it work this time?”
– You can’t possibly know if it will work or not – and you don’t need to know.
– It makes a huge difference to notice your prohibitive thinking: you DON’T HAVE TO do this work, ever.
– Whether it works or not is part of all-or-none, black-and-white thinking; go some way to alleviating your fears by thinking of success as always and inevitably a matter of degree.
July 27, 2020 at 12:19 pm #8845GillianModerator
And one more thing, Mo. You don’t NEED to lose the weight.
What’s true is you are very likely to benefit from developing the skill of eating less.
July 27, 2020 at 12:32 pm #8846Julie MannParticipant
Thank you for this…
The strategy you are suggesting is fantastic.
I feel like I can apply this both when I’m upset or stressed and when I haven’t slept.
I say, “I’m upset/stressed/haven’t slept and so I’m much more likely to overeat. I will take this amount (plan) and then expect the addictive desire to arise and work through it and break this connection between these feelings/fatigue and overeating”.
I’m sure I will have many opportunities to practice this in the coming weeks as my boyfriend has many trips planned, all of which are lovely. And we had a wonderful time. And I am hoping to solve the sleeping issues. However, regardless, there will be other moments in life when I’m stressed or tired. And I most certainly do NOT want to keep overeating for the rest of my life.
And actually I say I want to stay seated, so eat to stay at the table and not do much. The truth is that I only take one portion at a time. I just don’t take a stand, I don’t tell myself the sentence you suggested. I then get up and go into the kitchen and prepare an entire new portion and this can repeat until I’m super full, uncomfortable, cannot get to bed early, etc.
July 27, 2020 at 7:07 pm #8851Julia RParticipant
A light bulb moment for me was “expectation”. Gillian talks about that but sometimes we need to hear it again and in different ways. She taught me about my vacation mindset. I always have an ice cream every day, that is my expectation cause I have always done that. My last vacation, I made a choice to have ice cream on the last day. That was my plan and that is what I did. Maybe expectation and plan are the same or they over lap??
Another example. Someone on the forum mentioned getting up when they could not sleep and they made the choice not to eat. That was an aha moment. I never thought of that. I always eat when I get up during the night. That is just what I have always done. Since reading that comment on the forum, I have had difficulty sleeping 3 times. While still in bed, I made the following choices: once I decided I was not going to get up cause what I really wanted to do was eat, and I chose not to do that because of the outcome. I stayed in bed and eventually went to sleep. Another time, I did get up cause I honestly could not sleep and I chose to not eat, instead watched TV. A third time, I chose to eat so I got up and did that. I am very pleased with these changes. Next time I have trouble sleeping I will remind myself about the expectation of eating and ask myself what do I really want/need and also include the outcomes.
For me expectation relates to the habits we have —always reaching for something when we walk in the door, buying popcorn at the theatre, etc. It is something we have always done, it is like being on auto-pilot. The ice cream plan was 2 or 3 years ago. I never thought of generalizing it to getting up during the night! This course and forum is so very helpful.
Julie, I hope one sentence gives you value!
July 27, 2020 at 8:22 pm #8852Julie MannParticipant
Every sentence has given me value. I’m deeply grateful for your post.
Yes, I see what you are saying, that expecting AD and then making an empowered choice knowing you will expect to eat has made a great deal of difference for you. I love that, very encouraging indeed.
And I expect that when I haven’t slept and/or am dealing with some kind of uncomfortable emotion (uncertainty about my return to work with COVID for example), I will have the AD to eat, and then I can make an empowered choice.
July 27, 2020 at 9:40 pm #8853MoParticipant
Thanks Gillian. The comments really help. I hadn’t spotted the prohibitive thinking in my comments.
July 28, 2020 at 9:49 am #8854GillianModerator
Mo, it’s really very difficult to see all of the “I have to…” and “I can’t…” in your own language and in the way you think to yourself.
It’s helpful if there’s someone in your life who can point it out for you, but don’t have that be about food; just whenever you say those sorts of things about anything.
It’s been called ‘musterbation’ (and it’s good there isn’t spelling correction here!)
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