The dreaded scales…

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    • #7787
      Jen L
      Participant

      I did the worst thing and weighed myself this morning. It wasn’t what I wanted to see after eating well for two weeks with plenty exercise.

      I know I’m not supposed to be focused on weight, it’s so hard to forget that when it’s something I want so badly.

      Unfortunately now it’s seems to have set the tone for the day. I feel like even with the progress I have made with motivation and choice and feeling more at ease with my eating and making better choices – despite that – I feel I have failed and am doomed to be overweight.

      No real question here, just needed to talk to someone in here and see if there is any tools to help pull me out of this negative state.

      Thank you

      • This topic was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Jen L.
    • #7790
      Julia R
      Participant

      I remind myself this is a new moment. Tomorrow is a new day. I am free to chose differently now—even if I have gotten off course. Gillian made the comment once (in an earlier course), it is like a child learning to walk. They fall down and get back up again. I remind myself I am learning something new. It is okay to fail and get back up. There is learning in all of that. You would not talk to a child and say You are a failure. You are never going to walk. However, we do that to ourselves with eating. Have compassion for where you are and the fact you recognize you are engaging in negative self talk gives you the opportunity to change it, if you choose to. How many failures did Thomas Edison have creating the light bulb? Most of us have had these habits, negative self-talk, a very long time. I think self-compassion is key here. Gillian can modify anything I have said that does not align to her suggestions.
      Hang in! Staying off the scales has been a tough one for me, but I remind myself it is not about weight and if I chose to get on the scales, I will likely go backwards. That will be my outcome. What I really want is to focus on my non-weight list.

    • #7793
      lara w
      Participant

      Well, I find it incredibly difficult to stay off the scales, especially at first! I want to know……is this working? Why am I gaining weight? I know it’s not about the weight, but as it is said in another program, “It’s all about the weight, until it’s not about the weight!” I wish I could have the kind of discipline Gillian has about staying off the scales. I don’t weigh myself every day, but every few days. I once was on a program where we only weighed once a month, and that was very helpful, really. Because the mindset for me was, “I’m changing my relationship with food. And in doing so, the weight will follow.” I think I need to do that again.

    • #7797
      guadalupe
      Participant

      I think stop going into the scale yo see which one is the number today.. its a very difficult choice. To stop doing it when, in my case, I’ve been weighting myself almost everyday 🤦🏻‍♀️

      In february Ive decided to do not weight again, and then.. Ive weight myself daily again. When I start this course, I took the batteries out of the scale and put the scale in a place where I cant see it all days. Sometimes I think of weigh myself, but I think its going to make me feel worse than ever because:
      – Because Im in the course and one important thing is not to weight myself and stop focusing myself in the weight that I had at that certain time.
      – Because If I weight the same or more, Im going to start thinking in diets or some detox or something to modify that number, and is.. start
      thinking on a diet and star to eat more
      – Because if I weight less, Im going to feel happy about it and start to do more and more restriction or any diet to do more, because is not enough if I lose 1kg .. so, more anxiety and again the circle of diet and binges

      I thinkg the important thing is to think its a learning process

    • #7802
      Louise
      Participant

      What an interesting thread and very helpful to me.

      I am fortunate in that I have no scales, but I can still fall into the trap of wondering whether my clothes are a bit looser, and so on. I find it difficult to separate ‘weight’ benefits from ‘health’ benefits, because it makes sense to think of weight loss as a health benefit.

      To counter this, I have started making a few notes at the end of the day on what I have eaten, and then again making notes on how I feel first thing in the morning. From this, I can see some benefits that don’t relate to my weight. For example, if I have not eaten sugar addictively the day before, I wake up without a headache. There are also benefits in my mood: for example, on days when I have eaten well on healthy foods and haven’t binged, I am in a better mood during the next day. If I have binged the day before, I feel very irritable, and the slightest thing annoys me.

      I know that at the moment I am being compliant rather than making genuine choices, and that’s something I need to work on, but just for now I am very relieved that I am not eating addictively, at least most of the time.

    • #7811
      Erin H
      Participant

      I can tell you personally my life is a million times better without the scale! I put it in my garage, didn’t throw it out completely, but I made it out of sight. I went from someone who weighed myself before and after I used the toilet! I loved seeing that number drop… But it also dictated my day, completely. I could be feeling great and think I’d see a result, then if it went up my mood was “ruined” and I had trouble getting past the disappointment for a while.

      I know Gillian mentioned it already, and I want to confirm that it’s my experience, too… it’s hard to focus on the non-weight benefits when you are weighing yourself often!

      What works for me to get out of the negative state is to work with my mind. Every time I think “I’m gaining weight, I can’t live like this….” and so on, I respond with encouragement and bring the focus back to the non-weight benefits. “Yes, I can do this! I haven’t binged in a day/my binge quantity decreased and I feel hopeful that I will continue to make progress/I was able to make a healthier choice for dessert based on what would feel good in my body.” Spending time daily with the course materials and keeping focused on what I’m learning keeps the material fresh in my mind so that I remember to take a stand.

      I wonder, too, if owning your choice around weighing yourself is helpful. As in, “I can choose to weigh myself today and I have that option, but I own my whole choice including the results. I know that by weighing myself I’m choosing to keep the focus on my weight and that I may be disappointed in the number and feel sad/guilty/shame the rest of the day.”

    • #7853
      Mo
      Participant

      Erin that is a really good way to look at it. I currently weigh once a week but am thinking of making it once a month. I love the bit about owning your choice including the results. I think stepping away completely from the scales will benefit me. It does keep me focused on my weight when I’m trying hard to focus on non-weight benefits to eating less.

    • #7908
      Jen L
      Participant

      Thank you all who replied. I made it through the day without running to food to fix my emotions. I have decided the scales will go away for at least a month and for me to concentrate on the course material and how I feel rather than a number.

      This does give me some anxiety, as I am so used to seeing my progress by only using the scales and fear no weighing myself I may go backwards and not know, but now I can appreciate the damage it can do when it isn’t a positive result but even if it is a positive result find it can be damaging as well because then it’s like my brain says “ah huh well done, how about some cake now?”

      Thank you again, the support definitely did help me get some perspective 😊😊

    • #7945
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Yes Jen ! Its like what you said
      If the number go down.. you celebrate with cake. And id its not down, its up, you celebrate with cake also
      because “it doesnt work, so, who cares”
      Its really hard to do not weight and focus in non weight benefits. When.. In my case, Im 20kilos more.. and family doesnt stop saying “you have to do something for yourself” with the intention that I go on a diet and lose all the weight. 🙁

    • #7948
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Guadalupe, it’s tough when others try to “help” you with all of this, so if it’s a continuing conversation it might be good to speak to them about it and somehow let them know that it’s not so helpful. AND, especially, if or when you lose weight, it would be very good for them not to mention.

      If they do make a comment, it will be important for you to do some rethinking about that in order to keep connected to your non-weight benefits. Try to hide any weight loss for as long as you can, and of course don’t mention to anyone.

    • #7950
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Hi Gillian! Thanks to answer me, Im woth the radar about weight more active so now I notice all those messages and comments my family does, not only to me. They dont want to gain weight, if they eat something “unhealthy” they say “this is fat people food” or something like that. And.. Hello! I am fat now!
      Ive tried to let them know those messages are bad to me, but they keep doing it. They judged themselves about eating this or that, and if they eat pizza or pasta or something like that one day they said “oh no tomorrow we start eating salads again”.
      And all those messages are doing focus in weight, in prohibitive thinking and the thing is … if they do it when they are not fat, what Im suppose to do? Or what they think Im suppose to do? Eat salad with chicken until I lose this 20kg? If Im not doing that, it doesnt mean Im not doing anything..

      Luckily, I dont leave with them, but I have a stretch relationship and we talk everyday, and see each other once or twice a week. Im trying to move the focus of the shape and weight of my body but is hard sometimes with this messages.
      I know they dont do it in a bad way or conscius, but the problem is they do it.
      When it happens, I breathe and think that is not personal, and that Im doing well in not doing the same things and trying another way to solve this.

      At the moment, I think I didnt lose any weight because Im overeating sometimes, but I know that time will come and I hope I can handle it.

    • #7953
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Guadalupe, I hope you saw my other reply to you in the thread, “planning overeating”.

      It seems unlikely that your family will change their ways, so focus on your own, private, non-weight benefits whenever they say their “let’s not get fat” things.

    • #7967
      guadalupe
      Participant

      Hi Gillian. Yes! I´ve just answered you in the other threat. Im going to tattoo my non weight benefits so I can see them for sure 😂

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