The Hidden Addict

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    • #14662
      Corina
      Participant

      Gillian,

      The craziest thing is that although I don’t diet, I have a (prohibitive) diet mentality; although I don’t have to lose weight, I’m afraid of getting fat; although I act visibly imperfect, I have a super perfectionistic way of “assessing” myself.

      Does anyone relate?

      This course is life changing for me, because the freedom is inside, and not outside, in the looks.

    • #14663
      Cyndi B.
      Participant

      Hi Corina, I can not specifically relate to your examples… but generally speaking, absolutely yes; in that, from experience I understand that internal worlds can not reliably be guessed from outward appearances.
      And of courses- “eating issues” are just ridiculously common.🙂

    • #14669
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Corina,

      The most important thing I want to say is that there’s nothing particularly unusual in what you’ve written here. I’ve seen many, many people do this course who would identify with everything you’ve said.

      The issue is your perfectionist mindset – that’s it and it’s not at all uncommon. As far as I’m aware, Dr Carol Dweck at Stanford University has the best material to explore on that issue, and she has many talks on YouTube if you are not familiar with her work already.

      And, of course, our Week 6 will be so useful, but you’ve already discovered that.

    • #14674
      Corina
      Participant

      Hi, Gillian,

      I had been working on my perfectionism for years, in different ways, and the mindset topic is not unknown to me, but again, it is a huge difference between knowing and doing. The ‘doing’ has different forms and this course showed and confirmed to me many things, the deepest being, for me, that eating patterns and issues related to food hold in place childhood issues and/or trauma, or, to put it in a different way: unless I get free from food by asserting my own choice/ taking life and nurture in my own hands, I cannot fully separate and resolve these issues which started early on, when the brain is not fully formed and the nervous system is forming through what it sees, and attaches to the models of parents and others around, culture, etc. When I give myself nourishing food I contribute to heal the deprived inner child. When I don’t give myself food when I am sad, mad, etc, I teach her that she has a large menu of choices, that she can survive deprivation, she is her own master whenever she chooses, whatever she chooses to do or not to do…that’s one way of seeing it…

      So, for me this is the first time to truly work on my eating.

      I have been giving myself nurture through mindful movement and some free dance forms, studying what I truly enjoy, career change based on that, but never ever nurture through food. So, for me food is the hook and also the solution.
      Forgive me for writing so much and being overly expressive, but I am very grateful, I feel like through this course all my knowledge and desire for true liberation and authentic self comes to a peak- like the pus in a large abscess comes slowly to the surface and frees the body from infection, without antibiotics and painkillers to mask the pain. Ugly image, beautiful image.

    • #14675
      Corina
      Participant

      Week 6 pulls it all together for me.
      One of the people I highly admire, Moshe Feldenkrais (with the Feldenkrais Method) says that he will be our last teacher, because he teaches us how to learn- this fully applies to your course, Gillian.

      I am afraid that I won’t stay on track, but I have tools and permission to chose in the here and now.

    • #14676
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      “I am afraid that I won’t stay on track, but I have tools and permission to chose in the here and now.”

      Corina, if or when you find you’ve reverted to old chaotic eating behaviour, whenever you notice that you simply check out where you’re at with the “Three Themes”, and realign yourself with them.

      You’ll see it’s relatively straightforward to regain control and that there really isn’t anything to fear.

    • #14679
      Janet K
      Participant

      Hi Corina,
      I totally identify with your last sentence and Gillian’s subsequent comments.

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