Thoughts about sweets

Home Forums ELO Forum Thoughts about sweets

Viewing 8 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #10820
      Elena
      Participant

      Dear Gillian,

      as you know I am a HUGE fan of your Technique. It works so well for me that the quality of life changed tremendously since I am working with the Program. I came from a position where I counted 3-4 binges a week, last year i counted 11 for the whole year :-).

      There is still a pattern or habit that often needs my attention and I am a bit stuck. I checked some Webinars again, just to make sure I am clear about Choice, Motivation and Desire.

      I am not happy with my sugar intake. It is not a binge anymore but still too much and I do not like the feeling of wanting it almost every day, even if it is in moderation 95% of the time.

      I tried not to bye it and make the decision in the shop, i bought it and tried to have it at home, only eating it at a certain day ( but no commitments for me) or replacing it with alternatives.

      I was wondering if you have some thoughts about my situation. Why does my binge pattern is gone but the desire for sweets still so strong?

      Best greetings

    • #10839
      Gillian
      Moderator

      Elena,

      Your question implies that a stronger desire for sugar would fade along with the desire/impulse to binge, and I don’t see why that would be the case. Sugar is highly rewarding and well known to be addictive so a persistent desire is not surprising. Plus, of course, you are reinforcing by maintaining an expectation to eat particular items, at a particular frequency, in particular amounts.

      Did you see the post on “The discomfort of desire” which is currently about 9 topics below this one? Worth taking a look at that.

      My practical suggestion is for you to get a picture of how much sugar you’d want to aim for to be at peace. And Work Through your desire in order to get closer to that. You mention things you’ve already tried but not said why they didn’t work for you. For example, making choices in the shop – you could aim to work on buying these items less and less often as time goes by? That’s exactly what I did with pizza. You get the desire and think, “maybe tomorrow”.

    • #10841
      Elena
      Participant

      Oh yes I saw Topic 9 and I found Burkemans article very very interesting. I will work with your practical suggestion, because this is what I want. To eat only a certain amount so that I am at peace with myself afterwards.

      Can I ask you a question about the Pizza..you mentioned in one of the Webinars that you had the goal not to eat it for one Week. So you tried it and now you can not even remember when the last time was.

      I was wondering if you felt locked in because you made a future goal and thats a commitment kind of or? You did not let the future wide open or?
      So if I am trying to say I don´t want to eat any sweets the whole week, I´d feel locked in. It takes my freedom of choice away..

      Or did you do it and told yourself over and over that you still can have it? It is just an experiment?

      Thanks in advance Gillian and best Greetings

    • #10842
      Gillian
      Moderator

      I’d go out to Pizza Express for my pizza once a week, during the week days as it gets too crowded at the weekends. So the week would be going by and maybe Thursday or Friday I’d be thinking “I haven’t had my pizza yet” (=addictive desire).

      I started to respond to that desire by thinking what it would be like to go a few more days, and maybe go on Monday or even at the weekend if I really wanted to. So just not today. I asked myself what it would be like, and if I really didn’t like having a pizza every week I could always return to my old ways.

      And I found that it was fine and it really didn’t matter at all that I hadn’t had a pizza that week. Then I’d keep going with that, sometimes eating one during a week and sometimes not and in time extending the time in between.

      I didn’t ever predict whether I would eat one or not. I kept seeing that a week with no pizza was pretty much the same. My main benefit was not having the ambivalence about it, the doubts and regret.

    • #10963
      Louise
      Participant

      I so enjoyed reading that Gillian – I love hearing about your journey. I did the same with my weekend ‘treat’ of croissants and jam for breakfast on a Sunday. One weekend, I just tried doing everything the same, the same ritual, except with a cooked breakfast of scrambled eggs and spinach instead. I thought ‘I’ll just see how that feels’. And it was fine – I enjoyed it, and I didn’t miss the croissants part of the day at all, in fact I felt more energetic. So I carried on with that, but I can go back to eating croissants any time I like, or have one occasionally.

      I think a big thing is that I am not fearful of going back to croissants permanently – I can do that, but I increasingly feel that it isn’t likely to happen, because I am happy and ok with a cooked breakfast. I wouldn’t really want to go back to the croissants.

      Elena, I have also found that my taste has changed, and when I do satisfy the addictive desire with a small amount of something with sugar, I don’t really enjoy it. And I remember that the next time I feel an addictive desire for something sweet.

    • #10964
      Elena
      Participant

      Me too, I really enjoyed reading it! And I will practise it the next weeks. I guess I was not clear enough how much sweets I am at peace with and work through my desire for more if it kicks in.

      “I didn’t ever predict whether I would eat one or not” is such a powerful statement for me and I will work on that.

      Thanks Louise for your comment as well. What do you mean your taste has changed? I do realise that having a small amount of sth I used to binge on is often not worth it, because it only makes “fun” when you exaggerate. Is this what you mean?

      If it is too hart to have sugar in moderation, do you think it makes sense to quit for good? I mean people who smoke or drink can not enjoy the drug in moderation as well. But I guess we can not compare it?
      I often thought I am a Sugarholic eating sweets over and over again would make the desire not go away. But I think the real work for me will be to learn having it considerably less. So that I can enjoy it here and there.

    • #10965
      Louise
      Participant

      Hi Elena, I think it helps to be specific about what you eat or desire that contains sugar, as unlike cigarettes, it’s hard to eliminate all sugars, which come in several forms.

      What I did was to work through my AD for specific things that contained a lot of sugar, like particular chocolate bars or specific sweets that I ate a lot of. So I was definitely going for total abstention on them. Where I would always buy a coconut Bounty bar whenever I filled the car, that was one of the first behaviours I addressed, by working through that. It doesn’t even occur to me to buy chocolate at the petrol station now. So it was one very specific thing that I wanted to change.

      Later on, I cut out processed cakes, again specific ones that I tended to overeat. And then I worked on eliminating pretty much all processed food, which often has hidden sugar. So I always cook for myself now, make my own sauces, take packed lunches etc. Much nicer – lockdown made that easy because everywhere was shut anyway!

      That left me with very occasional sugar, so for example, I use a tablespoonful of honey or molasses in my homemade bread, sometimes have a little bit of agave syrup or coconut sugar on yogurt or in porridge, sometimes accept a chocolate if I’m offered one, and sometimes eat haturally sweet fresh or dried fruit. But I keep a sort of mental note of that so that I don’t overeat those things – sort of ‘Oh I had dried apricots earlier today already, perhaps I will have them another time instead’.

      I hope that helps! Doing it gradually like that has meant I didn’t feel under a lot of pressure, but that I was making the changes I wanted to see.

    • #10966
      Gillian
      Moderator

      If it is too hart to have sugar in moderation, do you think it makes sense to quit for good? I mean people who smoke or drink can not enjoy the drug in moderation as well. But I guess we can not compare it?
      – There are addictions such as sex and shopping where abstinence would not be a reasonable long term strategy. If you want to abstain I wouldn’t want to insist you eat sugar. However, eating less of it is a skill you can learn, and you cannot learn it while abstaining. If you “quit for good” and then eat some sugar you are likely to relapse big time.

      I often thought I am a Sugarholic eating sweets over and over again would make the desire not go away. But I think the real work for me will be to learn having it considerably less. So that I can enjoy it here and there.
      I suggest you review videos at 6.1, 6.2 and 6.3, as they cover the alternative to abstinence.

    • #11864
      Elena
      Participant

      Good morning Gillian and Louise,

      i wanted to let you know how my last weeks went. I started the project like Gillian did it with Pizza. My goal was to see if I can go without sweets for a week. Now it is 29 days ago. The first days were difficult, it showed me how much I am a creature of my own habits. Instead of having industrial sugar every day I decided to eat fruits. The last years I told myself that fructose is sugar as well so it always felt wrong to eat fruits BUT ( in my mind chocolate was another story- idk) a Banana and an Apple do not end up in a craving for more and that makes a huge difference for me. It is the first time that I can have sweets in front of me and in the house and be okay with it. I do not know when I will eat sweets again, maybe tomorrow or next week. I keep it open- thats a huge Power for me. But I started to use a week planner and I write all good things that this day brought me and it is such a nice feeling to count the days without my personal drug 🙂

      The whole Course has such a huge Impact on me- I appreciate it SO much!

Viewing 8 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.