Watching my A/D

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    • #8396
      Liz
      Participant

      This morning, after a night of horrible over-eating and tossing and turning, I feel zero desire to eat and/or hunger.

      I know myself and will not need to eat until this afternoon. The Addictive Desire has been squashed and I ate until Aversion last night.

      I have such an ingrained habit of having dinner with the family and then “deserving” a treat.
      It never stops at that one treat. I noticed my brain saying last night “you can just make up for this tomorrow.”

      I have fear even this morning of overeating tonight.

      How, in your case, have you “recovered” the next day from a night of bingeing. I don’t want to restrict and then binge again but I do not feel hunger in the least. I just want to treat myself well and kindly.

    • #8401
      Louise
      Participant

      Hi Liz, I so recognise that loss of desire to eat, as you say to the point of aversion.

      I don’t know if it will work for you, but one of my goals was to stop snacking and delaying meals, and to eat three proper meals a day. If I had binged the day before, I would still eat a healthy breakfast the next day – often something quite easy, such as fresh fruit and organic yogurt. Although I wasn’t hungry, just preparing this nice food for myself made me feel better, and kinder towards myself. I would do the same at lunchtime, and by mid afternoon I would feel better – and my addictive desire would kick in, like clockwork.

      That is always my chance to work through the desire, and that’s what I do – sometimes 20 or 30 times in the space of an afternoon because the addictive desire is so persistent. But I am persistent too, and just keep reminding myself that I can always satisfy my desire, although that also means overeating and probably feeling bloated and not hungry the next day.

      I have a very strong habit of overeating at night, in front of the TV, and I still do from time to time, but more often these days, I use a Plan for my evening meal, schedule another healthy snack for 10pm (such as cheese or nuts), and work through my desire if the thought of eating something sweet (such as chocolate or ice cream) pops into my head.

      Recently, I haven’t even always wanted the 10pm snack, because doing this has made me more aware of when I am hungry, and when I just have an addictive desire.

      I hope this helps! Good luck!

      • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by Louise.
    • #8404
      Liz
      Participant

      Louise thank you!!!

      This is amazingly helpful!

      I admit that having a breakfast this morning sounds horrible. But I also know my sneaky brain will justify overeating tonigh by saying “well you didn’t eat this morning so…”

      I like just focusing on treating myself well the next morning of a binge. Telling my brain I’m important and not needing to “makeup” for the night before.

      It’s hard to not eat when I’m hungry but I do know my hunger is all messed up right now.

      Thank you for your input and for relating!

    • #8406
      Julie Mann
      Participant

      Liz I know exactly how you are feeling and I do think that setting an intention for some kind of time/plan is really helpful post binge. Also, remember Gillian’s advice to remind yourself of choice after overeating in this way. That this is the moment where we would be tempted to say, “I have to stop doing this” and instead you say, “I can keep overeating and binging for the rest of my life…it’s my choice…and I get to not sleep and feel sick…” (something like that, Gillian does it better). And then return to the non-weight motivations of feeling well, sleeping well, etc. And also, expect AD to arise in the evenings because you’ve practiced that, so it won’t be a surprise or something to fear. Instead you can get excited because it’s only when you have the AD and work through it that you can change your brain. So you can say, “Oh here you are, good, now I get to practice allowing you and change my brain…”

    • #8408
      Liz
      Participant

      I LIKE THAT, Julie! Welcoming and being excited to notice my AD so I can actually make changes once and for all to my brain.

      Thank you for relating and for your advice!

    • #8409
      jodi b
      Participant

      Wow Liz, I can so relate to your original post, and thanks for your honesty here on the forum. Thanks also for the responses, very helpful. I also binged badly last night, I also binge watched movies on Netflix, which is a common theme for me, bingeing in front of the television. It seems easier for me to binge when I am not really paying attention to what I am doing/consuming. I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning and then slept quite late. I wasn’t very hungry when I got up but made myself a healthy breakfast, while listening to Gillian’s recordings, knowing that if I don’t eat a meal and make a plan around it, then I will start all over again, or binge again tonight. I can already hear the voices in my head telling me to go to the store and get some binge food. I am very tired of this cycle. I would love Gillian’s and anyone else’s input on this next piece, if possible. I do this binge eat and watch thing, with much more frequency lately, and it is an awful scenario for myself, as I feel foggy and get HA’s and groggy after sleeping in the following day and the myriad negative results of having binged on awful food. The thing that is different lately is that my husband has been putting a lot of pressure on me to shape up and fly right and stop staying up most of the night binging on food and movies. He says he is being “ripped off” as he has a hard time sleeping, I wake him up when I finally come to bed (we don’t have a spare bed for me to sleep in or I would) and he sleeps restlessly when I don’t come to bed. He has been threatening an end to our marriage if I don’t pull it together and stop this habit. This has been really hard for me, I feel like I am being controlled even when he is sleeping! (or not). Plus it makes me feel like my addiction is affecting him even more negatively than usual and somehow it makes me rebel more against him, plus it makes me want to give up on on our marriage, on friends, on everything. Any help on this would be greatly appreciated. I also made today the auspicious day that I really start applying the things I have learned with Gillian’s course. I do this a lot, the “what the hell effect” of I’ll eat it all now and start tomorrow or on the next auspicious day. This probably isn’t the wisest thing either, a long ingrained habit.

    • #8410
      Julie Mann
      Participant

      Jodi I’m so sorry about the situation with your husband. And I can also identify with a lot of what you shared – how bad you feel after a binge, how it disrupts sleep, how you feel the next day. So again, here is to taking a stand, using these as motivations for eating less, eating for the best of health, so that you can get to bed and sleep well and feel well. And perhaps be in a better position to communicate well with your husband about things…not to pry at all. Big hugs.

    • #8425
      jodi b
      Participant

      Thanks Julie!

    • #8426
      jodi b
      Participant

      Gillian,

      In a bit of a follow up from the post above, I have been doing well the past few days, since my auspicious starting day. I’ve been applying the tools you recommend and they seem to be helping/working. I am trying hard to focus on today, this meal, this minute, but I can’t help but have fear about the future. My normal pattern is to do well for a week or so and then give in to temptation. I realize that this was when I was not considering choice and I was restricting, and this is different, but I still seem to be following that pattern. Do I need to just be patient and give it time for the neuroplasticity to start working? I feel like I’m white knuckling it at times still. I hope this makes sense, any help would be appreciated.

    • #8427
      Louise
      Participant

      Hi Jodi, been following this thread, and was very sorry to hear how tough things are for you at the moment.

      I’m sure there will be loads of suggestions for you, but one thing that sticks in my mind from the course is that you can’t decide what will happen in the future; you can only make choices now. The webinar on choice says a lot about choosing for now, so that you don’t sabotage yourself by expecting to fail in the future.

      I hear you say you feel you are ‘waiting’ for the changes to happen in your brain, but in my experience at least, it has to be something you very actively engage in and do for yourself – it doesn’t just happen. What I have found works for me is re-watching the webinars, making notes about my eating, and committing heart and soul to this approach.

      I have made so much progress, there are some really bad habits I have had that I don’t even think about any more. Sometimes I’m quite stunned to think, for example, that it’s months since I bought crisps or chocolate at the petrol station when filling up my car. It doesn’t really occur to me to do that these days – I just pay for the petrol and often don’t really notice all the food in the shop! I remind myself I can buy and eat those things whenever I want to, as often as I want to, and also remind myself of the consequences of that.

      Good luck! Keep plugging away, as this really does work if you commit to it.

    • #8428
      Julie Mann
      Participant

      Louise this is amazing. Bravo to you for all the changes. I agree that it is a process we engage in actively.

    • #8430
      sarah c
      Participant

      Hi
      This is a very interesting thread.
      Can I ask what you mean by Aversion please?
      Thanks
      Sarah

    • #8431
      Louise
      Participant

      Thanks Julie – I am enjoying the progress I’ve made, but still have a way to go, and it has not always been easy. I realised doing this course that although I have been only marginally overweight for much of my life, I have been addicted to food and eating secretly and bingeing since I was a child. Realising that was a big breakthrough for me, and it feels as if I am finally (at age 63!) putting that right.

      Sarah, what I understand by aversion is when I have eaten such a huge quantity of food, especially junk food, I get to a point when I literally cannot face the idea of eating or even looking at food. Maybe this is the mind’s way of keeping me alive! Usually this is a sense of mental repulsion at the very thought of eating, but other times aversion appears physically as a very bad migraine, which will last for three days, during which time I cannot eat at all. In really bad times, this would happen 2 or 3 times a month, and oddly it probably helped to keep my weight down. But of course it also made me very unhappy and unwell, and when I felt better, it wasn’t long before I was bingeing again, and back to the same cycle of behaviour.

      Hope that is helpful. I am still learning, and it has taken time and effort to get to this point, but I can really see that it was never really about weight, only about overeating.

    • #8432
      Julie Mann
      Participant

      Louise I love hearing about your journey, I’m going to be 50, at this since I was 11, so quite awhile for me as well. And I feel that for me it’s a spiral, not a straight line, but ever upwards in growth, understanding, and evolution.

    • #8692
      jodi b
      Participant

      Louise,

      thank you so much for your thoughtful insights. You’re quite correct, this does need very active engagement and I am seeing some positive results from doing just that. I am actually hopeful for the first time in a very long time. I am 55 and have struggled with this since age 8, so I’m with you there. Habits are hard to break, but with this technique, it is possible and you offer hope that it works, I so appreciate it.

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