Weight/fashion is my rescue motivator :(

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    • #16083
      Joey B
      Participant

      Hi Gillian,

      How do I not fall back on the motivation for weight and fitting into my nice clothes?

      QUICK BACKGROUND ON ME:
      I have two problems. Binge eating (but doing less of that this year with my other self-help self-study). I am more troubled now with my second problem of just eating on and on after meals and having a propensity for snacks. I have a decent metabolism, but I also am pretty committed to exercising. I really do enjoy cakes/patisserie and gourmet cooking/eating. I am an avid baker, doing beautiful creations for my friends and coworkers up to 3 x per week. Baking and patisserie is my hobby and passion. I could practically enter a baking show competition as I take it so seriously and take meticulous care in making my creations

      MY IMMEDIATE MOTIVATORS NOT TO EAT in excess:
      Not to have a syrup-y stomach feeling. To not feel sluggish when I exercise. To enjoy my next proper meal be having true physical hunger. Not to feel ashamed and guilty.

      I UNDERSTAND I CAN EAT ANYTHING/EVERYTHING AND THERE WILL BE MY CONSEQUENCES I HAVE TO SUFFER:

      BUT! I do love and enjoy beautiful patisserie and I do choose to have some. And I can in moderation without consequence. But then I might get possessed and want more & more & more. I will be a risk for a binge or big overeating session. I can sometimes break it by saying something like, “Leave the room now! If you can do this, it will pay off in not gaining weight”. The consequences listed under my immediate motivators are not consequential enough on their own to make me stop and eat less when I am about to get possessed

      SO I am stuck. My weight is my hero motivator
      (BTW I do plan to choose to not weigh myself anymore. I kind of have body dysmorphic disorder….I see a thin person in the mirror when I eat modestly and chunky person when I eat over indulgently. Previously I have used the scale as it “tells me the truth”. After I see success on the scale, I always slip back into more over-indulgence and weight gain. Just like you say1. so no more weighing for me)

    • #16085
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Hi Joey

      First, I strongly urge you not to make any huge, sudden changes. But, in making any sustainable changes at all, it might be useful to take another look at your hobby, and consider that it could be similar to an alcoholic with a love of wine-making?

      I’ve found we can buy into the idea that “food is medicine” in varying degrees. Personally, I’m 100% behind it, being a big fan of Functional Medicine, and taking the view that this is as much about what we don’t eat as what we do.

      But some people think, in this modern world, food is food and medicine is medicine. So maybe you view refined carbohydrates as just naughty, fattening fun? Maybe you don’t see them (no matter how classy, well-made and tasty) as contributing to NAFLD, metabolic dysregulation, inflammation, etc?

      That’s where my non-weight motivation would come from, and my own sense of integrity would be consequential and immediate enough because I am serious about this. And, I do consume (highly addictive) refined carbs from time to time – but I suspect considerably less than you do. I don’t give them away to people, though, any more than I would give cigarettes (an appropriate thing to do some decades ago) even to a smoker.

      As I said at the start, don’t frighten the horses! I suggest you might consider taking your creations to work less often, maybe making smaller batches if that’s possible. Consider turning your skills to healthier works of art? No big hurry here!

      And while you’re doing that (if or when you do), address your own unsatisfied addictive desire, as described in Week 3.

      You say weight is your hero motivator but also that it isn’t, because losing weight leads you to overeat again. Even when not weighing yourself you can hardly fail to notice weight loss and the same thing is likely to happen if you don’t shift your mindset with regard to refined carbs.

      Do let me know if I’ve misunderstood or misinterpreted anything.

    • #16094
      Joey B
      Participant

      Hi

      Thanks for taking the time. Yes you mainly understood me and have given me not the answer I was hoping for. But I appreciate it and need to figure out how to accept it and put it into practice. It is a passion where I have great success and has really become my identity. Likely feeds my ego too. artistically and flavour wise I get lots of compliments of, “This is the best *blank* I have ever tasted”. I have secretly loved when people say, “Oh, how can you do all this beautiful baking and stay so slim?”. I can see your point of view, likely a hard truth that I knew deep down already and continue to try to deny.

      You say we cant delete, we need to add thoughts. Can you help me with creating 2-3 new thoughts to have to help nudging the change in my unhelpful self identity & beliefs?

    • #16101
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Hi Joey

      I am SO pleased to read this post of yours, and happy not to have offended you too much 🙂

      Take time with all of this, and let it evolve for you. First consider doing the baking less often, and know that as these are highly addictive creations, there may well be times when you go out of control with them yourself. Maybe include that as a possibility with your choice to begin the baking process? In other words, don’t expect to play with fire and not get burned.

      As for “nudging change”, would you be interested in YouTube videos about refined carbs? Most of them by London cardiologist Dr Aseem Malhotra would be relevant as he is outspoken about this and (IMO) very well-informed. This one is 2 hours long and packs a punch if you’re up for it. To me he is a hero, but do accept not everyone will agree.

      And, there is a fair bit more in this ELO course to assist you with all of this; we are barely half way through. The best thing is that you’re starting to grasp the real non-weight motivation and this will go a long way to bring the yo-yo cycle to an end.

    • #16105
      Joey B
      Participant

      Hi

      Not insulted. Just a truth I am avoiding

      I was hoping the answer was, “we will teach you to enjoy everything in moderation”.

      Another small fact about me, a few years back i got insanely obsessed with Instagram. That is very addictive on the dopamine pathways! I had to quit 100%. I was turning into a zombie. But because of that I saw all sorts of food celebrities and influeners

      When I see food celebrities/influencers who look quite healthy (and often slimmer than expected) they all portray they are enjoying everything in moderation. I do realize my baking is me “playing with fire and I will likely get burned”

      I was hoping I would be learning high level fire safety. In relation to that I assume all those food celebrities that do seem to eat their own stuff.

      Joelle

    • #16107
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Joey

      I’m unhappy with the word ‘moderation’ partly because it’s so elastic and therefore meaningless, and partly because I see many people using that as a way to justify overeating, as in, “oh just a little bit more…”

      But having said that, I’m not at all promoting or leading you towards abstinence. Please note, my logo is a cupcake! I’d expect and hope that you continue to make pastries. How about once a week, or once a month? The question is how you bake and eat less of them, especially how you motivate yourself to do that. If it’s about weight, then, as you know, the weight goes back on again any time it’s lost. But if you eat less of these things because you are being considerably more honest about health consequences, that motivation stays valid whatever your size.

      The playing with fire part of it is just that you mentioned overeating the pastries at times, in a way that’s out of control and you regret it afterwards. I’m just saying that might continue to happen from time to time; I’m saying that I don’t know how to make them not addictive to you (as I’m sure they would be for me too!)

    • #16109
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      And something to keep in mind about those celebrities and influencers: you don’t know. You don’t know what’s going on with them at all. You know nothing about their relationship with food, and their health, and how they feel and think about their food. You have no idea.

    • #16113
      Joey B
      Participant

      Thanks for your time.

      I am really enjoying the course, your perspective and insights. I am excited to study and dabble in the concepts right now. And then really jump in during weeks 4 and 5

    • #16124
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Joey, I came across this article today and thought of you:

      Facebook knows Instagram is toxic for teens…

      The entire article may not be available without payment, but you’ll get the idea.

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