- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by Gillian.
February 18, 2019 at 1:58 pm #2117VictoriaParticipant
there is something I am struggling with and I could do with some guidance on. You said last night about not trying to do everything all at once, just work on one thing at a time and I get that. I also see how appealing that might be to the perfectionist eater like myself, so I think I’ve got to stop all my addictive overeating all together and get it all under control which isn’t going to work. The problem is identifying behaviours to work on because they are all linked. My addictive desire appears after my evening meal every night through the week and especially on Friday and Saturday nights when I have had a few drinks. This is probably the time when most of my addictive eating takes place. My aim is to stop eating after my evening meal, stop eating when I have a few drinks on a weekend and maybe even cut down on the number of drinks I have. Am I expecting too much of myself? Is this all too much too soon? Where would you start?
Any advice would be appreciated
February 18, 2019 at 2:02 pm #2119GillianModerator
It’s best for you to decide how you want to proceed, as it’s really not helpful for me to be telling you what to do and what not to do. I suspect your question is all about wanting to get it right, and although understandable may be part of your tendency to want to be perfect. Where do you start? It doesn’t matter – other than it’s best not to set up a ‘perfect’ all-or-none way of eating, which I’ll talk about more later in the course. And keep in mind, you will make mistakes and do all of this imperfectly, and that’s okay!
February 18, 2019 at 2:55 pm #2134LizParticipant
Victoria, I had the same question! I think I’m so used to being told what to do, that I”m like, “okay, now what?”
I think it’s scary, but beneficial that it’s in our lap what to do.
The other day, I read a book “Never Binge Again”. It was different from other books I read because it said to make your OWN plan with your higher brain and STICK TO IT. Even if it means, “have a candy bar” or don’t cut out certain items, but to make a plan ahead of time with your best self in mind. Then, it will give you an idea what the addictive desire is?
I know that I struggle to know what is normal and what the “addictive desire is”. But yesterday I had mentally plannedd what to eat, and it even included dessert. After dessert, I wanted another helping and a handful of more candy, and I was aware, “Okay, this is the addictive desire.” It helped just to be more aware and less unconscious.
Gillian, is this a helpful step? To plan ahead and then work through the addictive desire/expectation to overeat that we know will pop up?
February 18, 2019 at 6:06 pm #2135VictoriaParticipant
Hi Gillian, yes I see where you are coming from. If you tell me what to do (or not to do) then I am back into compliance and that’s not the place I want to be. I have gotten into this cycle of behaviour in the first place by complying all week, then rebelling at the weekend. Now every Friday and Saturday night means a few drinks and usually lots of food with it. I must say, compliance is an incredibly tempting place for anyone who struggles with food issues as it can be comforting to have someone telling you what to eat and when, which takes the responsibility off your shoulders, only now I can see how flawed this way of thinking is and why it has tripped me up in the past. Compliance (and consequently rebellion) is all I have known and I am really pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I have stopped reading magazine articles and TV shows about weight loss because I can easily get sucked back into the dieting mentality, ‘If only I could follow these rules all the time, then I wouldn’t be in this mess’. I have to laugh that I still want to comply with, ‘I will never eat addictively again’, I’m setting myself up for a fall! I think I have found my Achilles Heel. So, I will choose one thing to improve and work on that and not attempt to perfect everything. One step at a time.
February 19, 2019 at 2:34 pm #2148GillianModerator
Liz, in reply to your question about making a plan ahead of time, our next session and webinar (Week 4) covers the techniques I call Times and Plans, so yes, making a Plan can be useful. Not too far ahead, though, just as you are about to start eating. Lots more on that to come.
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