Working on just one thing

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    • #5649
      Robyn
      Participant

      Hi Gillian, I’ve realised how strong my perfectionism is around my eating and how much that is holding me back. I have awful habits of overeating/bingeing in both the afternoon and after dinner and I don’t know how to deal with just one of them at a time. My thoughts are always around fixing it all now and then I don’t fix anything. Do you have any suggestions around how to deal with one lot of overeating at a time?

      • This topic was modified 7 months ago by Robyn.
    • #5651
      Robyn
      Participant

      I’d also love to hear from anyone else here who has been successful at dealing with one lot of overeating at a time and how you managed that.

      • This reply was modified 7 months ago by Robyn.
    • #5653
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Robyn, my suggestion is to pay closer attention to your addictive desire, and there are different ways you can approach this in an imperfect way. Keep in mind the addictive desire is the key to taking control; it’s where it all happens.

      1. Do some overeating in the afternoons and evenings using Times and Plans (4.1) to take some degree of control over when the overeating starts and stops – and making sure you work through desire (3.4) before your Time and after your Plan.

      2. Do your afternoon overeating as you usually do, and set Times and Plans just for the evening overeating, again, paying attention to carefully and consciously working through your desire.

      3. Assuming you are not overeating raw veggies, improve the quality of whatever it is you are overeating, perhaps making different choices when you shop. Especially if highly addictive sugar and wheat are involved, own your choice to overeat these things when you make the purchase. Notice and work through addictive desire.

      If you try any of these, do let me know what happens and especially if you run into any difficulty at all. I can only coach you if I know something about what happens, and I only know what happens if you tell me. By ‘what happens’ I mean what you think, what you feel and/or what you do.

    • #5822
      Robyn
      Participant

      Thank you Gillian. I’ll definitely let you know how I go. I’ll start with some overeating using times and plans in both the afternoon and evening and work through it.

    • #6277
      Leslie
      Participant

      Hi Robyn,

      I’m wondering how things are going for you. I’m not sure if I have anything to contribute, but I thought I’d write anyway! 🙂 Gillian’s response saying that paying attention to addictive desire is the main thing and ‘where it all happens’ resonated strongly. It took me a long time to really understand how Times and Plans help me pay attention to it. For awhile, I didn’t even understand that’s the main goal of T & P’s. So I’m working with that. A huge goal for me is to notice addictive desire and not be so afraid of it, or so sure it will sweep me away every time. The perfectionism piece shows up when I’m not willing to give myself credit for every single success however small. Best wishes and you’re not alone! Leslie

    • #6279
      Robyn
      Participant

      Hi Leslie,

      I appreciate your reply and the sense of hope it gives me. I struggle with taking a stand, even though I’ve wanted to for a long time. It’s almost like the struggle has become a major part of my everyday addictive thinking. I sometimes feel like a lost case with all of this.

      I have some good motivations and I’ve been working a lot on choice but it all comes undone when it comes to addictive desire and perfection.

      My goal going forward is to take a stand and to remind myself about that and my motivation often. This means making times and plans and working on point number 1 in Gillian’s answer. I will be making noticing addictive desire a huge goal for me too and if I will ask for Gillian’s help if I’m still having trouble putting some of this together soon.

      Thank you again Leslie and it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Robyn

    • #6282
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Robyn, have you made use of the mp3 I included in Week 3?

      And if you haven’t already done so, this would be a very good time to review as much of Week 3 as you can.

    • #6285
      Robyn
      Participant

      Hi Gillian,

      Over the past day I have been listening to and reviewing Week 3 and after lunch today I had the opportunity to work through addictive desire, and it went really well. I often want to go back for more food after I’ve eaten lunch, which can then mean returning to the kitchen several times, over the course of the afternoon. I’ve been working at home for many years and it’s often been a major problem for me in the afternoons, so this is the main area I’m working on first.

      I’ve, over many years, become so confused in my head about how to handle my eating addiction because I become involved in too many ways to “fix it”. This has resulted in me not being committed or taking a stand to do the work here. This is what I meant in my reply to Leslie about my addictive thinking. “Fixing the problem” has become an addiction and it means that I do nothing about working through my eating desire. I hope this makes sense. It’s something I need to be aware of and work to keep my focus on working through the steps you have outlined. I have downloaded the MP3 to my phone and will definitely use it.

      Thank you. Robyn

    • #6286
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Thanks, Robyn. I do believe you are speaking for a great many people here. It’s not that you’re not capable of making real changes, it’s that everyone has become SO CONFUSED about all of it. That’s why I strive to bring clarity, clarity and more clarity. Good to see you’ve got the mp3.

    • #6298
      Robyn
      Participant

      Gillian you definitely bring a lot of clarity. This course makes the most sense of any approaches I’ve seen and it gets better with each new series. I’m looking forward to the next course in a few weeks.

    • #6700
      Gillian
      Keymaster

      Thank you Robyn.

    • #7549
      lara w
      Participant

      I love this thread because this is exactly what I’m working through right now. I’m only on Week One, but have read Gillian’s book “Eating Less” a few times. I do love the clarity Gillian brings to all of the confusion out there. I love how Robyn spoke of “fixing” myself as being an addiction in itself! I’ve bought so many programs, books, etc. I’m sure I’ve spent thousands of dollars on worthless things trying to fix myself. Frustrating. I’m looking forward to working through this course, and learning how to eat less once and for all!

    • #7569
      sarah c
      Participant

      Lara I could have written this myself!
      Gillian’s approach is the only one that I most closely identify with re fixing my eating issues. I often end up drawn towards diets because of all the bombardment and wanting the ‘quick fix’ solution.
      I think having this forum will be so good for me to query bits and seek solutions from Gillian and others.

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